My finger hovered over the Delete button, ready to toss the e-mail aside like the scores before it. Instead I clicked the message and held my breath as it popped up. For a second, I couldn’t force myself to read it.
Sam and his wife had been clients of mine since their daughter was two, which was four or five years ago. Sam’s parents had nearly as much money as mine.
The content of this message could be devastating. To have a long-term client, one who was on equal footing with me, higher, really, since he wasn’t disinherited, condemn me might send me back to bed for days.
I wouldn’t let that happen. No matter what Sam said in the e-mail, I would get up, tell Noah I needed us to go on a walk, or out to dinner, or fuck. Anything to stay alive, present with him. He deserved that. To not have me disappear again.
I deserved that.
Fairly certain I could hear a firing squad in the background, I began to read the short e-mail.
SOMETIME LATER—whether mere minutes or an hour, I had no idea—Noah came into my office without me noticing and wrapped his arms around my shoulders from behind. “Babe, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
I twisted to look at him, partially startled. I hadn’t even been aware I was crying. My attempt at speech was nothing more than a big snort of snot. I wiped at my eyes and nose with my left hand and pointed to the screen with my right.
Noah glanced at the screen, smiled, and began to read out loud.
Randall, it’s time for our annual photo shoot. As always we’d like to do a fantasy shoot with Charlotte and then a normal portrait of the three of us to use for our Christmas card. Please let us know when you might have availability. We are fairly open for the rest of this week and the next. After that, it might be more of a challenge. Thank you and we look forward to seeing you again.
Sincerely,
Sam and Cassie Travazza.
Noah squeezed tighter and kissed my cheek, his beard scratching loudly against my ear. “No wonder you’re crying. That’s wonderful, babe.”
I pulled away, reached across the desk, plucked out a Kleenex, and blew my nose. Then needed another one. I grinned sheepishly at Noah. “I know. So, so sexy.”
He beamed. “Are you kidding? Crazy sexy. Happy looks so good on you.”
I laughed. And then a few more tears fell, which made me need to blow my nose again. “You know, I think I truly believed no one would ever want me to take their picture again.”
Noah waited until I blew my nose a fourth time before speaking. “Travazza. As intheTravazzas? Nicolas and Constance Travazza? I can’t imagine that being too common a name.”
“Yeah. Sam is their youngest son. His parents aren’t quite as active in the social scene as mine. I’ve always had the feeling his mom wanted to do more, but his dad always looked so uncomfortable with it all.” A thought hit me, stealing away a huge chunk of my excitement. “Oh no.”
“What?”
“What if….” I hesitated to put it into words, for fear it would make it true. “What if they haven’t heard? They’re not a huge part of the social scene, like I said. Maybe they don’t know.”
Noah looked at me skeptically. “Be serious. Everyone has heard. They’d have to be living under a rock to have missed this.”
He was probably right. But still. “Maybe I should e-mail back and tell him about the situation. I’d hate to take pictures of their daughter and then them be upset. The Travazzas may not have quite as much money as my family, but they’re just as respected. Maybe more so. If they make a statement about me, I’ll never work again.”
Noah sat on the edge of the desk and stroked the length of my arm. “No. Don’t e-mail them. That would add to the strangeness of it. And seriously, they must have heard. They’ve been clients for a while. Obviously they love your work and they trust you.”
“You think?” Lord, I wanted that to be true. And it made sense. Noah was right. No way they hadn’t heard. Sam was younger than me, probably thirty. He and his wife couldn’t have missed all the shit on social media. But still, it seemed too good to be true. I wasn’t exaggerating. A condemnation from their family would be the death knell. However, their support, especially if they were sending a family portrait of mine out for Christmas, might have the opposite effect.
“Yeah. I do think.” Noah’s expression shifted. He suddenly looked nervous. “Not to change the subject, but you haven’t mentioned anything since yesterday. What do you think about moving in together?”
“I, um….” I had no idea. On the one hand, I wanted it more than anything. To take that step with the man I’d dreamed of my entire life. On the other, it had only been a few months. That was insane. “Are you thinking of moving in here?”
The answer washed over his face, and it was clear he knew I wouldn’t like the answer. “I was thinking my place. I know it’s not as nice and it’s not in Cap Hill, but it’s a couple hundred dollars cheaper a month, and with the fears of what might happen financially, that seems like a safer bet. Just in case things get worse before they get better, we know my salary can cover us.”
I glanced around my office. I loved it here. It was small but beautiful. Well made. One of the windows in Noah’s place was crooked. Crooked! Like the actual window in the wall was tilted. Someone literally built that place, sloppily cut the window hole, and then shrugged and decided it was good enough.
Noah laughed. But the hurt was easily heard behind it. “Well, I guess that answers that. If you want us to stay here, I can get rid of my place. I bet we will be able to cover your apartment, even if things take a while to improve.” He glanced away, then back cautiously. “Unless it’s moving in with me that bothers you.”
I blamed Kayla for losing some of my ability to filter. “Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?”
