Rushing back to bed, I woke Noah, scooped Harper from where she’d been sleeping beside his head, and shoved the laptop toward him. “Here, watch this.”
“Oh shit. Something else?” Noah sat up, taking the computer with one hand and rubbing his eyes with the other.
I crawled into bed beside him. “No. Just watch.”
Noah turned back to the computer and saw my face frozen on the screen. “What did you do?”
“Just hit Play.”
He did, and my voice filled the bedroom.
“Hi, everyone. I’m Randall Morgan. Before this past week or so, most of you hadn’t heard of me. And if you had, you probably didn’t spare me a passing thought. That was how I liked it. After these past several days, that is even truer. And I’d like it to return to how it used to be, though I know that probably isn’t possible.”
Despite how many times I’d edited the video the day before and how many different takes I filmed, I still looked nervous, though my voice didn’t sound weak, so that was good.
“I’ve debated how to handle this. This whole situation is something I never dreamed I’d have to face, and I haven’t done that great of a job. After days of hiding, crying, and raging, this video is the only thing I can come up with. Part of me hoped that if I ignored all the talk, the rumors would go away. Maybe they would in time. And, honestly, if the rumors had stuck to the truth, that’s the path I would have chosen. However, there are some speculations that I don’t feel I can or should keep quiet about. I don’t know if my side of things matters to you or not, or if I can convince anyone of the truth. Regardless, I can’t stay silent any longer.”
Noah glanced over at me. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Shh. Just watch.” I motioned toward the monitor.
“Let me start with the truth. Some might call it confession. I don’t. Until everything went public, I didn’t feel too badly about it. See, I told you I was going to be honest. So here we go. It has been reported that I have had sexual relations with some of my massage clients as well as photography clients who came to me for erotic photographs. I want to put in this disclaimer in case you know someone personally who came to me for a massage or an erotic photo session. I didn’t have sexual relations with all of my clients. Only some. This video in no way implies that just because a client came to me for massage or photography that they crossed any sexual boundaries.
“And there you have it. There’s the truth. Like I already said, I’m not confessing for the purpose of forgiveness. Everything that happened was between consenting adults. The only thing I regret is that it became public knowledge. Just like you wouldn’t enjoy seeing your most private and naked moments put on display for the world to see, neither do I. If rumors stayed confined to these, I wouldn’t have felt the need to address them. They were private and no one’s business. And I still stand by that.”
There was an obvious edit as I suddenly changed positions. I had to redo the following bit countless times before it felt right.
“The rumors have taken a nastier turn. Actually, they aren’t rumors, but more speculation and lies. Putting questions and doubts out there, knowing that it would stick as easily as the truth. And these speculations are why I am doing this, otherwise I’d be happy to stick my head in the sand and let this whole mess blow over.
“In addition to the massage and erotic photography, I also have a separate photography business. By now most of you have probably seen an example. If not in the stores and art galleries around Seattle, then accompanying these recent rumors. This line focuses on children in fantasy settings. Questions have been raised around if the lines between these two photography businesses were ever blurred. I can assure you they were not. The photography sessions with these children and their parents were as innocent as the photographs themselves. I have a child in my own life, the one who started me on this fantasy photography path, who I love more than my own life. Should anyone ever hurt her in the ways that have been implied about me, I would kill them. And I do not mean that figuratively. And now it’s documented.”
Try as I might and regardless of the countless times I recorded it, I’d not managed to keep the anger out of my voice.
“In all honesty, I don’t know what else to say. Part of me would like to promise vengeance and retribution to the coward who prompted these questions by hiding under the label of Anonymous. However, I don’t have the resources that are believed to go along with my last name. To be even more frank, I don’t know how to get them to stop or how to prove my innocence. How does a person prove that they didn’t do something? I don’t know.
“I hope you’re able to see the truth and transparency in my words. Either way, I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. From here on out, I would ask that you respect my privacy as I respect yours. Thank you.”
The video froze and then transitioned to similar videos the viewer could choose from.
Noah looked over at me, the computer slipping off his legs as he shifted in the bed. “Whoa. You did this yesterday?”
I nodded. “Yeah, while you were at work.”
“Huh. No wonder you were different when I got home. More like yourself. Got some stuff off your chest, it seems.” He glanced at the computer once. “Do you really expect people to respect your privacy now?”
I snorted out a laugh. “No. Of course not. Maybe a couple will, but I had to ask for it anyway. And I couldn’t stay quiet anymore. It was killing me.”
“You didn’t. You said it all. I can’t quite believe it, actually. Seeing you say all of that. And I do mean all of it. That was huge, Randall. Way to take some control back.”
“Who knows if it will do any good?
He shrugged. “No way to know. At least not yet.”
Something in his tone caused me to worry. “Do you think I shouldn’t have done it? That it was a mistake?”
“I don’t know, Randall. I don’t know if it will change anyone’s mind, but if it helps you, then that’s all I need. I’m not sure if there are legal repercussions for admitting about the sexual stuff combined with your businesses. Did you ask Kayla what she thought before you filmed it?”
“Nope. I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t want to be talked out of it. I was afraid if any of us discussed it, there would be too many concerns, too many what-ifs. I’m not overly worried about legality. How many celebrities have we seen who admit to a bunch of illegal activity? I think it only matters if you get caught. At least I hope.” I hesitated. “Does that bother you? That I didn’t ask for your….” I searched for the right word.
