Though still afraid and sad-looking, her eyes were sharp. “That was nice of her to say. That was a rough time for all involved.”
I waited for more. More detail. More judgment.
Ruth just sat there, staring at me. Not bothering to look away any longer.
“Um, Noah helped me find a dog a couple of months ago. Harper. She’s pretty hideous, but the sweetest little girl you’d ever hope to meet.”
I thought maybe that would prompt some type of conversation about Noah’s job, but Ruth didn’t reply. I guess, in fairness, I hadn’t actually asked a question or anything.
“Do you have any pets?”
“No. My husband never liked pets.”
Oh, okay, then. It looked like this wasn’t going to be easy. I began to babble, like I’d never been a Morgan and learned the art of conversation at all. “Well, if you ever need one, Noah is the man to use. He knew exactly what type of dog I needed. Not that I trusted him when Harper poked her ugly little head out of the blankets. I about screamed. But she sure is sweet. I’m completely in love with her.” I started to dig in my pocket for my cell to show her a picture but changed my mind halfway through, so I looked like a moron digging in his pants for no reason.
Still she watched me.
I managed to pull my hand free. “You know, I’ve never thought about this before until right now, but it’s kinda funny Noah chose to work with animals.”
She didn’t even blink.
“I mean with his name being Noah and all. Like Noah and the ark. Noah and all the animals. I guess that is what Noah does. Saves all the animals from the flood. Of course, this is a figurative flood. The flood of homelessness or something. Not the Bible Noah, I wasn’t saying that was figurative. I meant Noah. Our Noah.” Oh God. I would have given anything for an actual flood at that moment. “I mean, your Noah.”
There was a chuckle at the doorway. I looked over to see Noah carefully balancing three large, steaming mugs. He grinned at me. “Wow. I’m glad I didn’t miss that whole thing. Whatever that was.” He passed out the hot tea and sat back down beside me. “We don’t have a lot of time, Mom. I’ve got to get to work, but I wanted you to meet Randall. I know you said you remembered him, but I thought it might be nice to see him again since he’s not exactly thirteen anymore.”
Ruth smiled. It didn’t reach her eyes, but it was there nonetheless. “You’ve become quite the handsome man, Randall. Though you always were a pretty boy too.” Again I waited for something else. Some question, a comment. Something that would initiate conversation. There was nothing. Though I couldn’t tell if that was her manner or due to her reaction toward me.
From the way Noah acted, I assumed it was just how things went. He carried the conversation smoothly. Moving from one benign topic to the next without needing much input from his mom. He was so adept at it I found myself not needing to respond either.
As I listened to Noah, I began to relax. Both in his mom’s presence and with our situation as a whole. If I were being honest, Noah’s tone earlier in the kitchen stung a bit. But the longer I sat with his words, the more I had to agree with them. I was certain going back and forth about how he needed to leave me was pathetic and obnoxious. Whether based on a need to save him or throw a pity party for myself, I wasn’t quite sure. Probably somewhere in the middle.
Either way, he was right. And enough was enough. With all the shit falling around me at the moment, around us, our relationship was the one bright spot. The one huge, brilliantly bright spot. The thing I’d given up on finding lifetimes ago. I didn’t have a way to fix any of the issues that had crumbled the walls of my life, but that didn’t mean I had to murder the wonderful bit that was left. I’d spent days playing the victim. Hiding. Licking my wounds and trying to push Noah away.
Imagine if I succeeded. I’d be hiding alone in my apartment. Alone. Sad. Miserable.
I stared at Ruth, my heart suddenly breaking for her.
Her first husband died, leaving her with a teenage son and no career other than being a missionary’s wife. Then a second husband died.
Yeah, I’d stay in my big armchair and let the rest of the world go by as well.
She lost everything except Noah.
While both my family and career situations were up in the air, at least my family was still alive and we had the possibility of healing. Maybe. And my career? Well, who the fuck knew. It was just money. I could figure out a different way to make money. Whatever.
I didn’t want to hide any longer.
BY THEtime Noah got back to his apartment that night, I’d walked the dogs and spent over two hours creating a video. Considering how short it was, the amount of time I spent was ridiculous. Still, after hitting Send, I felt a bit free for the first time in days.
Noah called out a greeting when he came in, but I didn’t answer. Calling my name once more, he rounded the corner to the bedroom and halted. His confusion lasted only a moment before his eyes darkened. He studied my body as I lay naked on the bed, pausing to watch as I stroked myself before meeting my eyes.
I grinned at him. “I’m not looking for the door. And since you’re not either, I think it’s time you get over here and fuck me. Don’t you?”
He was inside me before he fully got his pants off.
Chapter Twenty-Two
THE FOLLOWINGmorning, I woke up early and logged on to the Internet. Sure enough the video was everywhere. Not just onSeattle WeeklyandThe Dirtywebsite I’d sent the link to, but everywhere in between.
