Noah blanched. “No. It isn’t. I don’t think you were sleeping with everyone to save the world. You were doing what you wanted to do. Living your life how you wanted. I don’t think that’ll win you the humanitarian award or a Nobel Peace Prize or anything. However, I do think that it shows you have enough strength to be true to yourself. Not many people could turn down millions and millions of dollars just to be free.”
“So I turn down money and then accept money for sex.”
He paused then and waited until I rejoined him a few paces back on the sidewalk. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?”
“Stop playing the victim or trying to get me to condemn you. Whatever it is that you’re doing. You’re for sure stronger than that. And yeah. You accepted money for sex. Whatever. You’d turned down your daddy’s millions and still found a way to pay the bills by doing what you enjoy.”
“Doing what I enjoy? You’re really framing it that way?”
He leveled knowing eyes at me. “I happen to know personally how much you love sex and how good you are at it. And we’ve already crossed the bridge of us both believing that whatever happens between two consenting adults is fine, no matter what our controlling society says. And besides, do you think your brother is any less of a whore than you?”
“You can’t compare the two, Noah. Dustin isn’t getting fucked for money.”
“Really? I’m not sure what you’d call what happened yesterday. Getting hit in the face and then sitting down like a dog when he’s told to do so. Having every aspect of his life controlled. All because of money? Sounds like a whore to me. A whore who doesn’t love what he’s doing, which makes it all that much worse. Why is it better to live a miserable life for money than take money for sex with people you enjoy sleeping with?”
I knew he was placating me. I knew anyone else would shoot holes in his view of things. And even if he weren’t, the rest of the world would dismiss his view as nothing more than a cop-out.
But since when did I give a fuck about what the world thought?
“You’re saying that because you love me.”
“No, I’m not.” He transferred both leashes to one hand and slid his free one down my back, then let it rest on the curve of my spine. We began walking once more. “I probably feel it more strongly because I love you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t mean it. And I do believe that Dustin is jealous and your dad respects you for what you’ve done, at least to some degree. Even if he’s determined to stamp it out.”
“So he’s kinda proud of me for being my own man, but he wants to… subdue, maybe? He wants to subdue me, even though he’ll respect me less after?”
Noah thought for a moment. “Yeah. Maybe. It feels kind of right. Doesn’t it to you?”
It did. A mindfuck, but it did. “Yes. It really does.”
It was nearly eleven in the morning before Noah finally convinced me to swing back by my apartment. I needed my external hard drive and a couple of other things. Sure enough it looked like things had turned back to normal. The front lawn was clear. Still, we parked a couple of blocks away, and I kept the dogs company while Noah went to the apartment. If there were reporters around, they wouldn’t be looking for him. Soon Noah was back, threw the stuff in the truck, and let the dogs scramble out.
We walked for a long time. It kept me from feeling trapped. We’d been pacing up and down the side streets of the neighborhood, but finally turned off Harvard onto Pike. Despite the constant drizzle, people strolled along the main drag of Cap Hill. I barely refrained from suggesting we double back, afraid someone would recognize me. Though, with the rain, the umbrella, the dogs, and our jackets, chances were low. Chances were also high that not one person was thinking about me. They were busy shopping, heading to lunch, or just out for a walk. Randall Morgan and his slutty ways didn’t concern them at all. Still, I couldn’t help but feel all eyes were on me. It took extreme effort to walk at a normal speed. I kept checking for news vans hidden in every alley.
Luckily Noah didn’t feel the need to make fun of me for my twitchiness. I was pretty sure I saw him glance around a time or two as well.
“Well, my agent did want me to get publicity and become well-known. I guess I can tell her I was just following her directions.”
Noah laughed. “I don’t know if you get more publicity than having reporters on your lawn. Have you e-mailed her yet?”
“No. Not yet. I’m worried how that’s going to go. I don’t want to have to face her right now. I know it’s coming, but there’s enough to deal with today without whatever she’ll suggest.” I snorted out a disgusted breath. “You know, I bet she’ll agree with my father. That the best approach would be to do a public apology and make a show of getting help.”
Noah didn’t answer at first, stress seeming to gather around his eyes. He paused, looking into a store window.
I followed his gaze. Cupcake Royale. We’d been making it a weekly indulgence. For the first week or so of dating, when we were staying at my apartment, we’d come every night. That was going to put on the relationship weight too quickly, so that was adjusted, and fast.
Noah handed me Ron’s and Andy’s leashes even as he spoke. “I need chocolate. And a cupcake will fit the bill. Want one?”
I shuffled closer to the window, the tall building offering some relief from the rain, as I attempted to manage three leashes and the umbrella. “I think you might be a bit brilliant, even if we haven’t had lunch yet.”
“I figured. You want the tiramisu or the lemon drop?”
“You know, I’m with you. Today is for sure a chocolate day. But I’ll take the coconut bunny one. And just know that I love you for this.”
He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I know the way to your heart. Dirty sex and lots of sugar.” He turned and dashed through the door.
Again I searched the sidewalk and street for signs of being watched. The text and voice mail messages had slowed, but every so often another suggesting all sorts of sexual propositions would come through. I didn’t actually feel threatened by them, but I knew they made Noah nervous. I’d quit telling him about them. If I didn’t respond, they’d stop eventually.
