What the hell was I supposed to do? I couldn’t go home like that. Wade through reporters?
Insanely I thought of Olivia Pope. Weaving through the crowd, then turning to face the press. She admitted she was having an affair with the President of the United States. That was bigger than getting fucked by some massage clients, surely.
No. Nope. No way. I was not Olivia Pope. Not even Kerry Washington.
I couldn’t go home.
Maybe ever.
What the hell was I going to do?
And then I did laugh. I wasn’t just losing my family; I was losing my brain to boot.
Noah’s. I wasn’t even supposed to be at my place tonight. The dogs were at Noah’s.
I was more cautious when I finally got to Noah’s apartment, driving past his block a couple of times before I turned down it. All was silent and normal.
Even so I ran like hell from my car to his front door.
Chapter Seventeen
“I GUESSI’ve never thought about it before. I mean, I have, it’s obvious Dustin does whatever Dad wants, but I don’t think I ever realized he was jealous. Or something.” I readjusted the umbrella I held over Noah’s and my heads. “I almost think he wants to trade places with me.”
“Well, can you blame him?” Noah slowed to look at me but continued walking. “You make it sound like he’s a prisoner.”
I pictured Dustin’s expression as he stared at me when I told our dad no. There was shock there. And longing. I swear there was. “I hadn’t thought of it like that, but yeah. Kinda. He seems trapped. I never thought I’d feel bad for Dustin, at least outside of what happened about our moms.”
“I can’t believe your dad hit him. Have you ever seen that before?”
“Nuh-uh.” I shook my head, not able to say more than that. I got lost in watching Harper, Ron, and Andy waddle along in front of us, each in their doggy raincoats. Only Harper made an effort to avoid the growing puddles in the sidewalk. I truly hadn’t ever seen Dad like that. Mom was the one more prone to screaming. And I was fairly certain I’d never seen Dad hit anyone before. Sure, I got spanked as a kid, and I remember being afraid of him, but I doubted it was any more than any other kid who had a strict father.
It made me want to call Dustin and ask if anything similar had happened before. Not that calling him was an option. Call to chat? We didn’t do that. Never had.
Noah seemed aware I didn’t need a lot of words at the moment. He just walked beside me, a leash in each hand, his shoulder rubbing again mine every so often.
My thoughts shifted from Dustin to our dad. I was seeing him in a new light as well. Or at least seeing how he saw me. How he and Dustin both saw me differently than I realized. I thought I was the screw-up. The one who wouldn’t do what he was told, what he should do. The stupid one who couldn’t figure out he had been offered the entire world on a platter and turned it down like a chump. But if I was reading Dustin’s expression right, he was envious.
And Dad?
The way he spoke to Dustin.“Hit me. At least you’ll be your own man for once.”
“You know, I think Dad respects that I’ve lived my life how I wanted, instead of simply doing whatever he told me.”
“Really?”
“Oh.” I glanced at Noah, surprised for a moment, like he’d read my mind. I didn’t realize I’d said my thoughts aloud. “Yeah. Maybe. When he and Dustin got into it, he made some dig about Dustin never being his own man. I’m not sure that was in reference to me or not. Though if he was trying to get under Dustin’s skin, comparing him to me would be the way to do it.”
“God, your family is really fucked-up.” He chuckled. “Sorry. I don’t mean any offense, but wow. I thought my dad was intense with putting his religion above anything and everything, including his family. He was controlling and not always kind. But he was never intentionally mean. I think he did it all in the belief he was doing what God expected and what was right for Mom and me.”
I didn’t know what to say to that.
“You know, Randall, I bet your dad does respect you. Even if he’d rather you jump when he says jump. I doubt your dad gets told no a lot. That takes guts. A lot of strength.”
I gave him the side-eye.
He laughed again. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not crazy or making it up. It does take guts and integrity.”
There was no holding back the eye roll. “All right, Noah. I know you love me, but you don’t need to blow smoke up my ass. Is this the whole whore-with-a-heart-of-gold speech?”
