Noah hesitated. “That’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, that’s it? The one conversation is how you got cut off from your half of the inheritance?”
I shrugged, which did little, given the way we were lying. “Yeah. I mean, I could have gotten it back if I’d done what they wanted. But I didn’t. I swear, Noah, as scared as I was, I’d never been so happy in my entire life. I’d never felt free before. I could be anyone I wanted to be, do anything I wanted to do. We didn’t speak to each other for months.”
“Huh.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Really. I tell you how I lost a bazillion dollars and all you say is ‘huh’?”
He ruffled my hair lightly. “I guess I assumed you’d been cut off because you were gay. Not because you wanted to be a photographer.”
“I didn’t even come out to them for a year or two after that. By that point, they were so used to me doing whatever I wanted I don’t think it even fazed them, other than them not wanting me to flaunt it all over town. But looking back, I don’t think it was because I wanted to be a photographer, though Mom hated that idea. I think it was more about how I was done being controlled. I mean, you see how they are with Kayla and Dustin. Dustin might look like he has it all, but whenever Dad says jump, he jumps.”
Noah’s hair scratched against the pillow as he shook his head. “Dustin doesn’t look like he has it all to me. Granted, I’ve only seen him a couple of times, but he looks miserable. I’d say you got the better deal. You might not have money, but you have freedom.”
I lifted up so I could look Noah full in the face. I felt my eyes sting once more.
“What?”
“I know you do, but I have to ask anyway. You mean that, don’t you?”
He narrowed his eyes. “What? That you got the better end of the deal? Freedom over money?”
I nodded.
“Well, yeah. No choice there. Hell, I chose freedom over a ticket to heaven. I say that’s bigger, wouldn’t you?”
“You don’t believe that, do you? That you’re not going to heaven?”
He groaned. “Oh, Randall, I wasn’t trying to dive into that. Can we leave heaven and hell out of this for the moment? I was saying that I think you made the right choice. The only choice. Always choose freedom over money. Any day of the week.”
I leaned down and kissed him, pressing my lips to his long enough that I had to take a breath in through my nose. Finally I pulled back. “I knew you’d feel that way, but it’s so damn good to hear you say it.” A pang cut through me, the night’s events returning to me. “I just feel like I’ve backslidden.”
“Oh, seriously, Randall, cut it out with the religious talk. Fuck. I’m sorry I brought it up.” He gave me a half-serious smile. “But what do you mean?”
“Just like tonight. I never would have sat there and allowed you to be spoken to in such a way. At least not the me who walked away from it all. I feel like I’m getting sucked back in.”
He studied me, his eyes darting back and forth as they searched. “Is the money having more of a pull?”
I flinched back a bit. “Oh Lord, no. There were a lot of years where it might have. I’m not rich or anything, but I’m paying the bills, plus some. That wasn’t always the case.” I nearly brought up the massage business, but couldn’t. Not yet. “It’s Bailey.”
A full genuine smile broke over his face. “Yeah. She was great. So much like Kayla, like a little clone, but there’s some of you in her too. Quite a bit, actually.”
My heart warmed. I’d often seen things in Bailey that reminded me of myself, but I’d figured I was seeing what I wanted to see. “I love her. She’s the reason I’m not leaving Seattle. The biggest one, anyway.”
“I know. You’ve told me. You’re afraid they won’t let you see her if you cross the line?”
I nodded.
“Kayla wouldn’t let that happen.”
I snorted. “Haven’t you been paying attention? Kayla doesn’t have any more freedom than I used to.”
“Well, hopefully they won’t ask you to do something so big that you have to make that choice.”
A shot of ice struck through me. “I can’t even imagine that.”
