Whatever Noah had planned for our second date, sex was going to be on the menu.
Or I was going to die.
Chapter Nine
BAILEY HANDEDme a yellow crayon. “Applejack has yellow hair and an orange body.”
I set down the pink crayon I’d been about to use and took the yellow from her small hands, then peered down at theMy Little Ponycoloring book we were working on. “Which one’s Applejack again?”
She gave me her newly perfected eye roll. “The one with the apple cutie mark.”
I nearly admonished her eye roll, then decided I deserved it if I couldn’t figure out the pony with three apples on her ass was named Applejack. “Okay. Got it. So orange hair and yellow body?”
Bailey glared. “You’re doing that on purpose.”
Kayla laughed and ruffled her daughter’s hair, earning an eye roll of her own. “Of course he is. You know your uncle watches that cartoon all the time.”
Dustin spoke up from where he and Dad were huddled in a corner of the room, smoking cigars. “Wouldn’t surprise me.”
Mom shushed him. “Now be nice.” She looked back at me. “Although, really. A man your age on the floor, coloring.”
I probably wouldn’t have responded any other time, but having her redirect Dustin for my benefit was unheard of; she was nearly as cowed by him as by my dad. “It’s just us family, Mom. If the President and Michelle show up, I promise I won’t color the whole time.”
“Randall!”
I glanced down at Bailey’s cry of frustration. “What?”
She pointed to the coloring book. “I thought you were kidding. Applejack has yellow hair.”
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t realize what I was doing.” I switched to the pony’s body. “I’ll blend the hair. You won’t even notice.”
To my surprise, Dustin didn’t say anything to my mom, just turned back to Dad and began debating the pros and cons of different campaign managers. It took effort to refrain from suggesting they hire Olivia Pope.Scandalwas one of the few television shows I watched religiously. The only way to not have my eyes gloss over and begin to drool every time the two of them started planning Dustin’s political strategy was to imagine Olivia storming into the room and fixing everything.
Kayla pointed to the pony, tapping it with her newly french-tipped nails. “Her eyes are green. You won’t want to mess up on that either.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Bailey nod emphatically. “And while you’re coloring, you can tell me about your date with Noah.”
I looked up at her, aghast.
“What?” She feigned innocence. “I don’t want to wait until we have a lunch date to gossip. Plus I’m sure we’ll have a whole new set of stuff to talk about by then.”
Judging from their continued mumbling, Dad and Dustin either hadn’t heard or felt it best to ignore our conversation entirely.
“Noah?” Mom’s voice perked up. “I thought you were dating someone named Stanley.”
“His name was Stewart, Mom. And we weren’t dating. You wanted me to bring someone pretty and polite to your Fourth of July event.”
“Well, you should date him. He was lovely.”
Dear God. Kill me. I suddenly longed for the days when Mom refused to acknowledge I was gay. That was much better than discussing my dating life.
Kayla touched Mom’s arm. “Oh no. He was crazy. You don’t want Stewart in the family.” It was almost cute how much Kayla still tried to connect with my mom. Or it would have been if it wasn’t sad.
Mom turned horrified eyes on me. “You brought someone crazy to our house?”
I glared at Kayla before looking back at Mom. “I didn’t realize he was crazy at the time. And it’s okay. I’ve made certain he knew a second date wasn’t in his cards. Real or otherwise.”
“I would hope so.” She nodded in approval. “Wait a minute. Noah…. Wasn’t that the name of that sweet man who is the spokesperson for the humane society?”
Kayla gave my mom another touch. “Yes. Isn’t he beautiful?”
