CHAPTER 10
Maddie
The clock onthe microwave glows 2:07a.m.in an insistent green that makes my eyes ache.The house is settled, only the hum of the refrigerator competing for space with the periodic crackle of the baby monitor sitting on the table.
Steam wafts up from my mug of tea, bringing the fragrance along with it.I don’t drink tea, and I don’t particularly like the smell.The only reason it sits before me is because I can’t sleep and I googled the chamomile tea I found in Atlas’s cupboard.It seems a promising aid to my current insomnia.
Grayce finally went back to sleep about an hour ago.She started fussing and tugging at her ear after dinner.She doesn’t have a temperature, so I’m guessing she is either teething or she has an earache.I gave her a measured dose of children’s acetaminophen, put Gray’s “You Are My Sunshine” on repeat, and rocked with her until her breathing evened out.When I settled her in the crib, she rolled onto her side and tucked her fist under her cheek, the telltale sign that she’s down deep.
The front door opens softly, almost like an apology.I stay quiet in my dining table seat, hidden mostly by the gloom as Atlas enters the kitchen.
He’s a shadow, large and looming, but in no way threatening.
I received a text, presumably after the game was over—and I’m not quite sure about that as I didn’t watch it—but he said he was going out with some teammates and he’d be home around midnight.I didn’t respond because it’s none of my business or concern.
Atlas flips on the kitchen light, shock registering in wide eyes when he sees me.I look to the clock again—2:08 a.m.
I take a sip of tea I barely taste and push the fact that he’s two hours later than when he said he’d be home out of my mind.I refuse to obsess over whether this is an indication of his trustworthiness.
He sets his keys down carefully, like he’s afraid I might bolt.“Why are you up?”
“Grayce has had a hard time sleeping.”
Concern flickers across his face, mixed with possibly a little guilt.He knows Grayce is pretty much normally sleeping through the night.He rounds the island but stops a foot away, as if there’s tape on the floor he knows not to cross.“Is she okay?”
“She was fussy and tugging at her ear.I think it’s teething, and she doesn’t have a fever.”I nod toward the drying spoons.“I gave her Tylenol.She’s sleeping now.”
He nods, shoulders easing an inch.“Okay.Good.”He hesitates.“Do we need to call the pediatrician in the morning?”
“We don’t have one yet.It’s on my list to handle first thing.”
“I can help with that—”
“I’ve got it,” I cut in, unable to assuage the anger bubbling in me.All because he’s two hours late to a job that I told him he wasn’t needed for.
Why am I being like this?
Atlas studies me for a long moment.“You’ve been up this whole time?”
“On and off,” I say.“You know.Doing the thing we signed up for.”
His nostrils flare, much the way a dragon would before blowing fire.“I’m a little confused as to where this anger is coming from.You told me you didn’t need my help.It’s clear you don’t want it.It’s also clear that you were completely capable of watching Grayce tonight on your own.So, for the life of me, I don’t understand why you’re so pissed at me right now.”
“Because I knew you weren’t cut out for this and yet you insisted on doing it,” I snap.
“Why am I not cut out for this?”he demands.
“Because it’s 2:08a.m.and you’ve been out drinking all night.Is this what I can expect from now on in the co-parenting department?”
“For fuck’s sake,” he growls in a low tone.“I had two beers.I was DD tonight for Kace and drove him home.”
I let out a laugh I don’t feel.“Congratulations.”
His eyes flash.“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’ve heard this song before.”I set the mug down with a click.“Just two beers.It’s no big deal.There’s always a reason, always a buddy to drive home, always a celebration, always—”
“Stop,” he says quietly, and it hits harder than if he’d shouted.“You told me you didn’t need me home tonight.”
