An easy enough question if we weren’t talking about the fact my best friend died and I’m now a father.“I’m good,” I say casually, then change the subject.“First round of playoffs… you ready?”
Kace studies me a moment, and I can tell he’s wondering whether he should ask more of a personal follow-up.The entire team knows what’s going on and it’s not a secret how my life has been upended.I’m not sure what my expression says to him, but he keeps it centered on hockey.“I’m more than ready.”
That’s good enough for me.Kace has been killing it since replacing Drake in net and it’s important he continues to ride that high confidence.
I reach out my fist and he bumps it.“You’ll be unstoppable, dude.”
“I won’t argue with that.”We traverse the outer hallway toward the locker rooms.“Listen… we’re all going to hit Mario’s after the game.Can you come?”
Jesus, how far I’ve fallen from cool status.Before, it would be an excited reminder, “Dude, see you at Mario’s.”
Now, I’m being asked, as if I need to seek permission.Can you come?
My gut says yes before my brain can stop it.I love hanging out with the guys after a win, and I’m confident we’re going to win tonight.A beer, loud music, being Atlas the hockey player instead of Atlas the guy trying to figure out how to diaper a kid without getting shit all over him is exactly what I want and need.
A little normalcy.
There’s absolutely nothing holding me back.Maddie’s completely capable of caring for Grayce tonight.In fact, she made it clear I’m not needed.I’m sure if I went straight home after the game, I’d find them both sound asleep.
But then I picture Maddie watching me intently, grading every move I make.On more than one occasion, she’s outright accused me that I will run away from this obligation at some point.If I go out with the guys, does that mean she’s right?Does it convey I’m not serious about this new dad gig?
“I’m not sure just yet,” I say, hoping it sounds breezy enough to not reveal the gut-wrenching internal dilemma going on right now.
Kace smiles, and I see the empathy within.“First round’s on me if you can make it.”
He disappears toward the locker room, whistling like life is uncomplicated.Must be nice.
“Karolak.”
Coach West is suddenly in front of me, stepping out of his office.He plants a heavy hand on my shoulder, and I find it grounding rather than oppressive.“Good to have you back on the ice.”
“Thanks, Coach,” I say, trying to match his tone.
“We’re gonna need you dialed in.Playoffs don’t forgive distractions.”His eyes search mine, sharp.“You good?”
“I’m always dialed in,” I lie.“I’m perfect.”
He doesn’t call me on it.Just jerks his head down the hall.“Callum wants to see you upstairs.”
Wonderful.Just what I need.A meeting with our general manager.
♦
Callum Derringer’s officeoverlooks the river, and the sight of it through the floor-to-ceiling windows stops me for half a second.It’s the same water that runs past my house northeast of here.The same water that’s running past Maddie unpacking her old life, hoping to integrate it into a new one in a new city.Past Grayce scooting around on the floor, looking for a solid piece of furniture she can use to pull herself up.The Allegheny represents my two lives brushing against each other but refusing to blend.
“Atlas,” Callum says, waving me in with an easy smile.“Sit down.”
Derringer is one of the best things that happened to this organization, and Brienne Norcross is considered a genius for bringing him on board.He’s the type of guy who seems to know all the answers before the question is even asked, but not in an egotistical way.Rather in that calm, measured way that makes you feel secure because you have him on your side.
I drop into the chair across from him, the big executive desk separating us.He’s wearing game-day attire, same as me, in the form of a custom-tailored suit.
“Wanted to check in,” he says, leaning back and propping an ankle on one knee.“How are you doing?”
“I’m good,” I say automatically without thought as to the veracity of my words.In hindsight, they’re the only ones I can give because I need to project the confidence that I’m going to be the right guy for the job out there tonight.
He tilts his head, studying me.“Good, huh?”His gaze seems to bore right through me.“For a guy who just suffered an unimaginable loss a week ago and became a dad five days ago, I would have expected a little more discombobulation in your life.”
I scrub a hand over my jaw, then wrap my palm around my nape so that my fingers can press into the tight muscles there.Callum’s expression basically says,Don’t you dare lie to me.
