“We have meetings, watch video.There’s stretching, medical treatments, pregame meal, meditations, tape, warm-ups.It’s a whole thing.”
It sounds like a NASA countdown.“Okay,” I say, because it’s more than I expected.“A little more than skating and punching.”
“You really don’t know anything about hockey?”he asks, head tilted to the side.
“Nope, and don’t want to,” I grumble.
Atlas sighs and glances at the clock.“I have a few hours.I can at least get everything out of the boxes, maybe run to the store.Whatever you need.”
My spine tightens on instinct.“I’ve got it all covered.”
“Of course you do,” he says snidely.“What about the rest of the week?I’m sure you have a list of things you need to do, like open a bank account, get a new driver’s license.I can shoot you my schedule so you know when I can watch Grayce.”
“I can take Grayce with me,” I say aloofly.
“Jesus Christ, Maddie,” he growls.“You don’t have to carry everything.There is a point to me being a co-parent.”
“A co-parent I didn’t want,” I remind him.“And I don’t need you to help with those things.I’m more than capable of getting stuff done and watching Grayce at the same time.Besides, it’s not like I have a job or anything.”
That came out sounding entirely pathetic and I cringe that I showed him my vulnerability.I couldn’t have sounded sulkier if I tried.
Atlas scoffs, the note of disbelief evident.“If a job’s so important, then put that as your priority this week.But hey, guess what… you can’t take a baby to a job interview, so I guess you’re going to have to rely on me.”
I want to screech and pull out my hair.He’s so infuriating.“You’re just loving this, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know if that’s the word I would use to describe losing my closest friend in the world and sudden fatherhood, but I’m trying my fucking best.”
“Try harder,” I snap at him, then lean down to nuzzle against Grayce again.She’s grounding.And it makes me remorseful.I glance up at him.“I’m sorry.I know this is hard on you too.”
Atlas narrows his eyes at me, gripping the edge of the counter.“Why do you insist on making everything so difficult?”he asks, not unkindly.
My spine stiffens.“Excuse me?”
“You’re determined to do all of it alone.”He gestures around us.“You don’t have to.”
“But I do have to.”Heat flares under my skin.“I have done just fine my entire life without anyone swooping in.”
“I’m not swooping,” he says.“I live here too.We’re both parenting and contrary to your beliefs, it’s not a solo sport.”The words sit between us like a dare, and then he goes for my emotional jugular.“It will take both of us in a partnership to do right by her.”
It shouldn’t hit like it does, but it lands right in the softest part of me, the one I keep under lock and key.My temper spikes before I can leash it.
“You think you know what makes a good parent?”My voice cracks sharp, rising louder.
His gaze doesn’t waver.“I know showing up matters.Gray trusted us to do this together.”
My control blows apart like a bomb.“Showing up?”I bark a laugh that has no humor in it.“You have no idea what it’s like when nobody shows up.When you’re just a kid waiting for someone—anyone—to give a damn, and they never do.”
The air between us goes taut and I see a flash of regret in Atlas’s eyes.I’ve said too much, and we both know it.Silence swallows the kitchen, thick and immediate.I wish I could drag the words back into my mouth.Instead, I laser my focus onto a scratch in the wood of his kitchen table.I need to look anywhere but at him.
Atlas doesn’t apologize and he doesn’t reach for pity.He analyzes.“That’s why you’re a social worker,” he says quietly.“Because nobody showed up for you as a kid.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I mutter.“What matters is that she never feels that.”I tilt my head toward Grayce.“Ever.”
“She won’t,” he says, like he’s promising himself too.“Not on my watch.”And to my surprise, he plucks Grayce from my lap and nods toward my mug.“Now drink your coffee before it gets cold.”
It’s such a kind gesture, one that Gray would have made on any given day.But with Atlas, I’m distrustful of his motives and I wonder if I’ll ever get over that.Unlikely, because Gray was the only person in this entire world who I learned to trust, and that didn’t happen overnight.
Before I can stubbornly refuse his command, Grayce launches a Cheerio that hits Atlas in the neck and sticks there like a badge.
