‘Is she going to be OK?’
‘Yeah, they reckon so. But that’s not what I meant.’ He reached over and picked up my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. ‘Tell me to shut up if I’m wrong, but the way you looked when you saw Hannah in the car, and what Gerry said…’ He exhaled loudly. ‘What happened to Cal, Taylor?’
The mention of his name made my heart squeeze tight in my chest. There was a long silence while I psyched myself up to say the words.
‘He died in a car accident,’ I finally said.
‘Oh Taylor,’ he said softly. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Don’t be. You didn’t know.’
‘I wish I had. I would never have made you come with me to search for Hannah.’
‘You didn’t make me come with you; I knew full well that this was a possible outcome.’
‘You don’t have to tell me the details, if this is too difficult for you to talk about.’
‘It is difficult, but it’s…he… was such a major part of my life, and I want you to know about him.’
He squeezed my hand again. ‘OK. If you’re sure. But take your time and stop if it gets too hard. You don’t owe me anything.’
‘I didn’t see Cal’s accident scene,’ I told him quietly. ‘They wouldn’t let me. My mother got a phone call from someone who recognized Cal’s car, but she made me stay at home. Didn’t tell me where she was going in the middle of the night. But I saw his car the next day, at the police yard. I saw his blood.’
‘How old were you?’
‘It happened the night of our eighteenth birthday.’ I looked over at him. ‘Cal, Calvin, was my twin.Is. I never know what to say any more. Am I still a twin, now that my twin is no longer here?’ I shook my head. ‘He was my other half. My best friend. We were close, growing up. Especially after Dad left and it was just Mom and us. It was like having my own permanent playmate. A friend who didn’t go home at the end of the day but stayed for sleepovers, and midnight pantry raids, and sneaking out of the house.’
‘What was he like?’
‘He was funny. Really funny. Without even trying. One of those people who had a witty comeback for any situation. He made me laugh, every single day. And he was nice. Genuinely nice. No one ever had a bad word to say about him. You know how when someone dies, people say things like, “He lit up every room he entered”?’
Jack nodded.
‘With Cal it was true. He was so vibrant. People couldn’t help but notice him.’
‘He sounds like a great guy.’
‘He was. Never took life too seriously. Always ready to help anyone who needed help, even if they hadn’t asked. I mean don’t get me wrong, he could be cheeky, too. He and Adam used to get up to a bit of mischief. Normal teenage stuff.’
He frowned, clearly surprised. ‘He was friends with Adam?’
‘Best friends, actually, since they were six. They just clicked. Thick as thieves, my mom used to say. They had the same sense of humor. Until Cal died. Adam never really laughed much after that. Not with me, anyway.’
‘Is that why you got together? Because you were both grieving for Cal?’
I stared at his hand over mine, wondering if I had the courage to say the next bit. Wondering if he would still feel the same way about me if I did. But I had to tell him. The weight of it had burdened my marriage. If I was to have any kind of future with Jack, I had to be honest. ‘It was our fault.’
‘What was?’
‘Cal’s death.’
His brow furrowed. ‘I thought you said it was an accident?’
‘It was, but it was our fault he was on the road in the first place.’ I swallowed down a hard lump in my throat, squeezing my eyes shut so I wouldn’t see the disappointment on his face. ‘Cal and I, we only ever had one rule, and that was that our friends were off limits. We even shook hands on it when we were fourteen. No dating each other’s friends. We didn’t ever want to have to choose between each other and our friends if,when, things inevitably went wrong. I broke that rule. And he died because of it.’
‘I don’t understand.’
I opened my eyes and stared at him, anguished, tears streaming down my face. The guilt was as fresh now as it was back then. The wound slashed open by the events of the night.
