“I know.” Sterling didn’t try to make excuses. “You deserved better from me. When I left, I knew I’d never love anyone else, and I should’ve clung to that.”
“But you didn’t want to be my secret.” Buck knew where he had fucked up. “And you’re right. You’ve never openly been the center of anyone’s universe. To me, you’ve always been that, and you deserved everything I didn’t give you. That’s why I backed away and tried to let you find someone who gave you what you needed.”
Sterling shook his head, but his gaze never wavered from holding Buck’s stare. “There was never a chance anyone else could give me a single damn thing. Because you’re what I need. Without you, every second has felt like dry drowning.”
Buck hadn’t known what Sterling could say to wipe away the way they had destroyed each other. Sterling had just said it. The seriousness Sterling showed said everything. He meant every word. Sterling was too much of a hiding-behind-jokes type of guy. He wasn’t hiding now.
“I love you. You’re all I want.”
Buck nearly melted to the ground at Sterling’s words. “I love you too. You’re who I want to spend my life with.”
Sterling cupped Buck’s ass and urged him even closer. “I’m sorry I’m a mess. You have no idea how much I wish I was different. But I absolutely love you harder than anyone else ever could. I’m sorry about everything. If I had never gone to Miami, none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t be looking at me right now and seeing all my mistakes. I wouldn’t have—”
Buck kissed him, cutting off whatever painful words Sterling had been about to say. Nothing mattered except them at that moment. “We’ll make new memories,” Buck said between kisses. Buck had always been so in love with Sterling that he could hardly breathe. He never wanted to leave this spot and Sterling’s arms.
Buck pulled away just enough to rest his forehead against Sterling’s. He kept his eyes closed and simply absorbed the moment. They were touching. Buck’s heart was overwhelmed.
Sterling squeezed his ass, reminding Buck Sterling still held it. “What now?”
A laugh burst from Buck. “I guess I get back to work before I end up fired.”
A sexy, soft chuckle rumbled from Sterling. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”
“If you make me answer that question right now, I’ll look psychotic.”
Sterling’s smile grew. “I am psychotic, so hit me with it.”
Buck was already too deep to back down. “Your house or mine?”
“Absolutely any place, any time. Right here and right now works for me.”
Buck heard the honesty in Sterling’s response. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what Buck had in mind… not that he would mind that either. “Okay. Yes, on your line of thinking, but that’s not what I meant.” Buck took a deep breath. “I meant, do you want to live at my place or yours?”
To Buck’s absolute shock, Sterling didn’t skip a beat. “My place is completely paid for, but I’m still willing to do whatever makes you the happiest.”
That was a fair point, and Buck was over the moon. Sterling sounded as if he meant every word. “I guess it’s your place, then. My house comes as part of my benefits package, but it’s not mine. It belongs to the ranch. So it makes more sense to stay with you.”
Sterling never batted an eyelash. He was obviously completely onboard. “Hey, no payment beyond insurance, since Tip pays the taxes, and maybe you’ll get a raise in lieu of the house.”
He was so serious and seemed to be thinking through every detail. Buck realized he smiled like an idiot. “It’ll be easier to feel secure when you head back to Miami. I’ll know you’re coming home to me.”
“That’s another good point. When I sell the house in Miami, we’ll have an awesome nest egg. Not that I don’t already. My ten-goal rating has had me earning about eight mil a year for the past three years. We should be good.”
Buck didn’t understand. Sterling sounded like he didn’t plan to go back to Miami. “What about your career? You worked your ass off for that spot.”
Sterling’s expression went from bright to a forced smile with heavy sadness attached. “You should probably get back to work. I don’t want to face anyone’s wrath over hogging you all day. But do you want to come to our place tonight and start planning?”
Sterling already calling his houses theirs thoroughly distracted Buck for a moment. They had a little time to revisit Sterling’s career. “I’ll get there as quickly as I can.”
“Good.” Sterling’s smile turned evil as he lured Buck closer. “One kiss before you go.”
Buck nearly groaned. Sterling’s one kiss was always enough to burn him to the ground. He would definitely spend the rest of the day fighting a hard-on. That didn’t mean Buck didn’t want that kiss. In fact, as Sterling’s tongue curled around his, Buckquit caring about anything but the man in his arms. Their life would be amazing. No matter what came next.
Chapter Eight
Sterlingstaredatthewater for longer than he cared to admit. It was as if he zoned out. Sometimes, it was like he was two people. When he was with Buck, Buck overshadowed everything, chasing away the voices in Sterling’s head. The moment Sterling was alone again, he went back to overthinking every aspect of his life. He was trapped between both versions of himself.
Shaking his head, Sterling stood. He needed to get Lightning out of his saddle and brushed down before he went home. Sterling wanted to focus on tonight. There had been a lot of promise in Buck’s eyes. Sterling craved the old, gentle Buck. The one who made love to him and swore they were forever. Sterling desperately needed Buck to take over his life and decisions. Heno longer trusted his own mind. Sterling wasn’t built to be in charge.
