“And you drove all this way?” Loreena asks.
“I did.”
“One day, I want to do that.”
I turn and swing Loreena into my lap, guiding her down gently. I brush a strand of her long hair that’s escaped her braid back behind her ear. “We will,” I promise her. “Wherever you want to go, we’ll do it.”
“Aww,” Fawnie sighs. “You two are so cute. Wait.” Her brows furrow. “How did you meet if you’re probably just fresh out prison? Oh my god! Did you do the prison marriage thing? Sorry.” She covers her mouth with her hands. “Everyone always tells me I should tone it down, water it down, shut up and use tact. I’m way too blunt. I just say what I think and that’s just… it’s a lot.”
“I can handle it. It’s refreshing,” Loreena says, laughing. She splays her palm on my chest and shoulder, as though it’s themost natural reaction in the world and she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it. “If you move here for good, I’d love to hang out. I- I currently have an apartment in Seattle, but… who knows. Maybe I’ll move here too. But- there’s something you should know about me. I’m working on it, but I have some fears about… going outside, I guess. More than fears. It’s a condition.”
“Holy shit, you’re agoraphobic? I just read a book about that. No way, that must seriously suck.”
“It does.” Instead of getting down about it though, Loreena actually laughs again. There’s something about Fawnie and hearing someone say what they think, but also being perfectly a sweetheart deep down, that is sorefreshing. “It- it did. I’m working on it. I’m here today. Baby steps have never felt so good or been appreciated by someone more.”
“That’s right! You’ve got this.” She sticks out her hand for a high five.
I stare at it, but Loreena gives one without hesitation.
“Even if you’re in Seattle and I move here, we can still hang out. It’s only what… an hour away? That’s not so far.”
“An hour,” Loreena confirms. My arm tightens around her waist and the longing in her voice that’s impossible for her to disguise. “Although, I work from home, so I can be anywhere. I’d like to… maybe… we’ll see.”
“If it’s van life you want to do, my dad was telling me that someone here built a van to go and travel with his old lady and their baby. Ginny and Zeppelin. Do you know them?”
“I haven’t had the chance to meet everyone yet,” I say.
“Me neither, but the people I do know, the women and the men—they’re pretty cool. Nothing like some of the bikers you hear about from other clubs. All my mom’s worries about corruption and loose women, hard drugs, violence and abuse—none of that goes on here. Not that anyone’s a saint and I get that everyone has a past. I’m not trying to romanticize it or anything.”
“I’ve met a few of the women and theyareawesome.”
Loreena and I haven’t talked about the future. For one, we’d like to get past the first week or two. Secondly, it feels so tenuous. Not that it’s going to happen. Nothing will happen to us, but that we might be able to forge one together. It’s one step at a time, moment at a time, day at a time, and even that is weighted down.
It’s such a pleasure to tuck my nose into her neck, inhale her scent, and dream about her being here in Hart, or me maybe going to Seattle, or us going somewhere near and completely different. Seeing the world in a way that we haven’t been able to do. It’s strange to allow myself to have dreams. To think ahead instead of shutting it down, of hope not being a thing that just bites you in the ass, so it’s better left untouched.
“Hey.” Wizard’s appearance in the kitchen doorway startles everyone.
On instinct, my arms tighten around Loreena, but seeing the tall, lanky younger man in the doorway, I relax. “Wizard. How’s it going?”
“We’re ready for you both, if you’re good to go?”
I’m sure as hell not going to answer for Loreena, but she’s the one who glides off my lap and offers Wizard a smallbut certain smile. There’s nothing hesitant or frightened about her. She’s grappled with that and put it behind her, and all that remains is pure strength and determination. My heart swells again, busting at the seams and straining against my ribs.
“We’re ready.” Loreena hesitates though, because Fawnie is sitting there looking so hopeful while trying not to. “I’m not sure how long we’ll be, but can I leave you our numbers? In case your dad wants to leave before we’re finished? I can also give you Scythe’s address, where we’re staying, if you think that’s okay?” She turns to me, and I can’t see why Scythe would have a problem with that, so I nod.
Loreena didn’t bring a purse, but Wizard, who has no real idea what’s going on and still offers to help, walks over to one of the drawers and digs around. He comes back with a pen and one of those little pads of paper they give out at hotels. Or they used to. Do they still do that?
Instead of getting all recriminating and mopey and riding a tidal wave of bitterness, I turn my mind away from the lost decade of my life and look forward instead.
I don’t know if they do, but I can find out. I can go stay in one sometime. Maybe plan that road trip that Loreena wants to go on, or just a night away for us. If we want it, one day, it will happen, and that’s all that I’m going to think about it. No doubts. No bleak thoughts. Just unfiltered hope.
Loreena writes our information and gives it to Fawnie. She waves us off as we follow Wizard.
That whole not believing that things happen for a reason? It’s not working out so well for me. I think that we might have been meant to have this conversation and to meet Fawnie today. Not just for us, but also for her. If that’s true, what else is therewaiting for us, things that were maybe always meant to happen, or even if they weren’t, things that are just so damnright?
Chapter 20
Loreena
