“It’s dry in here.” Fawnie points to the heat vent. “You’d think for a bunch of burly bikers that they’d have the place running on the cold side, but it’s like Satan’s own asshole in here.”
Loreena’s gaze clashes with mine. We hold it for a second, holding our straight faces, and then we burst out laughing. Hers is bright and melodical, and mine’s like the braying of a damn donkey, but it feels so good to laugh like this that I don’t even care about embarrassing myself with the rusty sound. I’ve always had an odd laugh. Loreena notices, startled for a moment, but then she laughs even harder. Fawnie joins in.
She gets us two mugs of water and sets them down, then goes back for hers and stands near the cupboards.
“Will you tell us?” Loreena asks. “Only if you want to, though.”
“I can’t just leave you hanging. I don’t mind.” Fawnie sighs. She taps her nails against the mug in her hand. “When I was sixteen, our house caught on fire. My mom’s bedroom was near the front door, so she was able to get out, but she couldn’t get to me in the back. I woke up to the fire detector blaring, and already smoke was creeping under the door. I knew Bubby was in my room, because I always kept the door closed and she always slept with me, but I couldn’t find her. I remembered that you’re supposed to get as low as possible, so I hit the floor and wrapped a t-shirt from the laundry pile around my face. I finally found her under my bed. I should have looked there first, but I was scared. I wasn’t exactly thinking properly. I got her and wrapped her up in that t-shirt so she couldn’t scratch me or panic and go anywhere. I knew I couldn’t open my bedroom door. It was so hot over there, I couldn’t even go near it. I wanted to go out my window, but there was no screen. It wasn’t the kind that opened. I was trying to figure out what I could throw through it to get out, but there wasn’t much. I couldn’t just pick up my desk or my bookcase and other than that, I only had some books and a few little ornaments. I sunk down to the floor to try and think and to breathe, and suddenly, glass shattered everywhere.”
She stops and Loreena jerks back. She probably didn’t even realize she was leaning forward. I catch myself doing the same thing. The way Fawnie told her story, it straight up sucked me right in. I was there, the smoke and the flames, the heat andthe fear. I can feel it crawling up my skin. The hair on the backs of my arms stands on end.
After a sip of water, Fawnie continues. “It scared Bubby so bad that she burst out of my arms. A man wearing just a t-shirt—he wasn’t a firefighter or anything—jumped through. The glass cut him uphorribly, but I didn’t realize that until he grabbed me. He shoved me through the window and came out behind me. I was covered in blood, shell shocked, just standing there watching flames burst into my room. It was his blood. I remembered Bubby. I begged him to get her.”
I literally have to lean forward and grasp the table. Loreena’s breath catches. I know how much she loves her cats. Fawnie didn’t say, but I think Bubby is a cat. It could be a dog or a hamster or a rat. It doesn’t matter. I just hope it made it. I’m not going to be able to handle seeing Loreena heartbroken if this story doesn’t end well.
“He looked at me for a few seconds,” Fawnie continues. “I think he was trying to make sure I was okay, and then he went back in through the window. It was easy for me to go through, but not him. There was still broken shards of glass all over it and I think he must have raked himself good again. He was in there, with the broken window feeding the fire the whole time. I was frantic, pacing as close as I dared. My mom rounded the house and found me. She’d been trying to get in from the front and then she went to find something to break my window. She hugged me and pulled me away, but I wouldn’t go. I tried to tell her there was a man inside, that he broke my window and he’d gone after my cat. I don’t even think she believed me. She was in shock too.”
Loreena tenses. My muscles ache from holding so still. Fawnie could be an actress, or read audio books, she’s soengaging. It’s hard to believe that this was her life. This truly happened to her.
“When he emerged, moments later, he held Bubby in his arms. He’d wrapped her up again, in his own t-shirt. He passed her to me and just… left. Just walked around the side of the building and he was gone. His t-shirt was soaked in blood.Soaked. I think that’s what kept Bubby from burning up. Her hair was singed all over, but she ended up being okay. That man, though—I think he must have been burnt real bad and cut up something fierce too. The fire truck hadn’t come yet and it was pretty dark. It was the middle of the night, and most people weren’t even awake at that point. No one saw him come or go. My mom wanted to find him to thank him. She put out feelers in all these social media groups, hoping that he’d come forward, but he never did. For me, I didn’t want to just thank him. I owe the man my life, and Bubby too. She’s my best friend. He saved both of us, and I’m sure he went through hell and back with literal scars to show for his kindness. He was like… like a guardian angel or something.” Fawnie shakes her head. “I don’t know if anyone could find someone based on that alone, but I’ll remember what he looked like for the rest of my life.”
I don’t believe in fate. I’m not sure I believe in much of anything at all anymore really, but it feels pretty damn clear that this is the reason we were meant to come here today, right when we did. We could have come tomorrow or the next day, and missed Fawnie completely. I wanted nothing more than to track the bastard down who hurt Loreena, and make him pay in the most violent, painful, horrible way, but instead, I could do this. I could use the knowledge I have and the gifts I’ve been given, or at least the skillset I have, to help instead of hurt.
“If Dravin and Wizard can’t do it for you, I could.” Loreena had been studying Fawnie, but her eyes immediately shoot to me. The cerulean is so deep, but there’s no storm brewing there. Just a bright sky, light up over placid waters. “It might take a while, but I could find him. IknowI could.”
Fawnie’s mouth drops open. “You didn’t say you were someone who could find people too.”
“I’m not really. I just… can.” It’s not enough.
I don’t want to live in fear of people judging me for my past. I want to live the same way Loreena does. With fire. With passion. With strength. I know she can’t go outside, but she reclaimed what she could of her life. She tried so damn hard to get better. I wish that this could be her, looking for someone who saved her life instead of nearly ended it, but wishing won’t change anything, even if I want it so badly, I could bleed out from the thousand cuts that image still creates in my brain. Loreena, so good and soft and innocent, being brutally beat and left to bleed out. It makes my hands clench into fists under the table. My breath stutters out of me. I must look like I’m going to fucking lose it because Loreena clears her throat across the table.
“Something bad happened to me, Fawnie. The man I want to find, he did something terrible. He physically assaulted me, and I don’t think I was the only one. I thought that letting it go was best. When it happened, I knew I had no real chance of finding him and I was scared he’d come after me again. Then when I wanted to talk, there was no one who would listen—but there is now. I spent years hoping that I’d never have to set eyes on him again, but now… if Dravin and Wizard can find him, I’d like to see that he gets justice. Not just for me, but for the others he’s harmed. I wasn’t brave enough to do that for them before,but it’s something that I can fix now, even though it’s probably coming far too late.”
Fawnie jerks, peeling her body away from the cupboards. She rushes over to Loreena and drops down in front of her. “I think that-fuck. That’s crazy brave. If it was me, my dad would have found that fucker and torn him apart with his bare hands and then I’d be living with that in my mind. My dad’s part of a biker club, but they have rules here that other clubs don’t. Senseless killing isn’t on the bingo card.” She scrambles up and bends to hug Loreena. “Bringing someone to justice, if you can trust the justice system, is a better way, at least for the soul. I know some people wouldn’t agree with me, but that’s the way I was raised. My dad truly did used to be a preacher after all. I’ve heard too many of his sermons.” After, Fawnie slowly turns to me. “I can see now why you’re not the one finding this guy. Loreena doesn’t want anyone to die, or anyone to have to live with a stained soul. Murderous anger is one thing, even seeing it play out in your head, but doing it in reality?” She shudders. “I can’t even begin to imagine that. Even if someone deserves it, how do you come back from something like that?”
You probably don’t.It truly sinks into my thick as fuck skull the gift that Loreena gave me. Life. Mercy. Goodness. For years, she encouraged me to have hope, to be more, to get educated, to justkeepgoing. She wants the world to be a better place, even to her own detriment. Even if a perfect world is ridiculously fanciful, she doesn’t dismiss doing her part, however small, to make big changes.
When my mom asked me to change the world, that’s what she meant.
That hits me so hard that I plant both hands on the table to brace myself and keep myself from falling out of my chair. My head swims, black and bright spots bursting in front of my eyes.
I hear a chair scraping back and then Loreena stands right beside me. Her hand smooths across my shoulders and back, silently comforting me just by beingwithme. That organ in my chest that’s been dead and quiet for so long stirs to life with a flood of painful emotion. I closed the gates to a lot of that shit years ago, in order to survive. I hadn’t realized just how much there was still to dig out. I thought I’d cracked the gate, and maybe I did the second I saw Loreena for the first time, standing in her apartment, absolutely devastated at her confession, trying to banish me from her life so that I could go off and live a good one. It’s insane how much there is to spill out.
I have to thump my chest to clear the painful lump lodged down deep in my throat. My eyes are on fire, but they’re not the only part of my body.
“I spent ten years in prison because I found information on a criminal organization and tried to bring them down. I can find this man for you, but you deserve to know who’s doing the looking.”
Fawnie tugs her chair out further from the table and basically collapses into it. “Shit.” She scrubs a hand over her face, but there’s only amazement there, no judgment. “ I bet they were jonesing hard for you in there. How’d you get out alive? Does the club have people on the inside watching your back?”
Scythe’s information from this morning needles under my skin again. I have to talk to Raiden. Chances are, I owe him a massive debt.
“How long are you staying?” Loreena asks. Her hands squeeze my shoulders.
“Not that long, but I’d like to move here when I’m finished college this year. I could transfer. Hart’s only got a community college, but it’s not bad. I could take some classes online from one of the colleges in Seattle or something, if I can’t take what I need here to finish my degree. I want to be here. I miss my dad. I’ve gone years without being close to him, and now that I made the decision to come, I like it here. I like the club. I like Hart. It’s not that big, which is nice, especially coming from New Jersey.”
“That’s where Preacher was before?”
“Yup.” Her eyes dance with laughter.
