This man is definitely “not”a protector… and that’s non-negotiable in my relationship commandments. But honestly, it didn’t even matter. Because the moment I got home, this whole“whatever we are”was going straight in the trash right next to his weak game and open-mouthed snores.
We crept into the hallway. Every step we took on the old hardwood floor was loud enough to get subpoenaed.
Another deep growl.
That wasn’t my stomach that time; that was nature—angry and hungry.
With my finger pressed lightly to my lips, I motioned to Adrian to be quiet. He nodded in understanding. His eyes were wide like we were characters in an intense action movie on BET, with the sound muted but the tension palpable. With the gun held firmly in my hand, I crept toward the edge of the kitchen wall. Then cautiously, I peered around the corner, channeling the poised confidence of an FBI agent on arareday off.
And there it was.
A black, giant, fur-covered menace, with the shadow the size of an SUV, was sniffing the air and stumbling clumsily around the living room like it had the munchies.
I braced myself to tell Adrian.
His reaction would’ve either saved our lives or been the reason our obituaries said: “Cause of death—panicked man screamed and bear felt disrespected.”
I whispered over my shoulder, “Don’t panic… but it’s a bear.”
As I feared, Adrian did theexactopposite. “A Bear!” he shrilled in horror. “What the fuck, Chesteria?!”
The bear stopped, stood tall, and sniffed.
I whacked Adrian upside the head with the butt of the gun—not hard, but just enough to reintroduce him to common sense.
“Nigga, I said don’t scream… and damn sure not in my damn ear!” I fussed. “Are youtryingto get us killed? Well… yourself. Bears attack solo targets, and you look like a snack. I’m the entrée, so he gon’ sample you first.”
Adrian winced, holding a hand where I clucked him. “Damn, Chess… that’s cold.”
I shrugged. “Welcome to a bear-eats-bitch-and-nigga world. Survival of the smartest... not the softest.”
“Whatever. And don’t come for me about screaming,” he muttered. “It was a natural response.”
It was a “bitch-made”response, I almost blurted.
“There’s a damn bear in here, Chesteria; not a squirrel or some stray dog from the block!” he continued ranting, in a hushed tone.
I cocked my head to the side, unable to suppress my sarcasm.
“Nooo… really? I thought it was a black Santa with alopecia. And the way you just screamed, I’m almost afraid you’re scared of a squirrel and dog, too. And now, thanks to yourfull-volumeBroadway audition, the bear probably knows that we’re in here! Hell, he probably paused to laugh.”
Bears don’t just break into cabins for fun.
Iknew that. I wasn’t some clueless damsel who’d never seen a wildlife documentary. I’d been binged-watching Animal Planet since back when it still had that rainforest sound between commercials, I kept National Geographic in my “Watch Again” list, and I’d seen enough “When Animals Snap” specials on YouTube to have honorary park ranger status. They don’t come for people; they come for food. Not like… gourmet meals or steak tartare; I mean, literal trash.
Chips? Unwrapped candy? A crusty McChicken left in a cupholder over a week?
Bears can smell that.
Leftover pizza? Game over. A sticky Capri Sun straw under the couch? You might as well roll out the welcome mat.
They don’t want to hurt anybody… unless a person gets in their way. That’s where people mess up. They panic, they scream—like Adrian—and they throw things. All a person has to do is mind their business and give them space. Most will just raid yourfridge like broke cousins and leave without saying goodbye. So yeah, seeing one in the cabin was terrifying, but I knew the rules.
Stay quiet… stay calm… and most importantly, don’t die trying to protect the granola bars.
Besides, any minute now, Bryce was bound to come hauling ass down those stairs, due to Adrian’s high-pitched panic howl. And once he realized what was going on, I knew he’d take over. Bryce lives for this kind of chaos. It’s borderline disturbing how fast he can shift into protector mode—gun, flashlight, commands, the whole action-hero starter kit. Me? I just need to buy some time and not become an appetizer before my adrenaline-junkie ex shows up like he’s in an episode of Bear vs. Bryce: Cabin Edition.
“We gonna die,” Adrian whimpered.
