“Sometimes you need it. Sweet dreams, peanut.” He kissed my forehead and tucked me in extra tight, leaving my door open a crack, like they had always done when I was a kid.
I wanted to protest, but I didn’t have the energy. I’d felt a little worse every day I’d been home, which I supposed madesense with being utterly unable to relax. My dads were right. I couldn’t keep going like this. It didn’t mean I was excited to go home and leave them to their own devices, but something had to give.
Maybe on my next call with Meadow, I could bring up going back to LA in a few weeks. Her pack had offered to pay for private in-home care, but Pappa was weird about strangers touching him. The poor guy had barely tolerated the hospital long enough to get discharged.
I dug out Logan’s hoodie from where I kept it beneath my pillow. The sandalwood scent had long since faded, but I still searched for it.
When the impromptu nap that turned into a full overnight sleep relinquished me, I went downstairs, surprised to find all of my dads home in the middle of the day.
“Home for lunch?” I asked, diverting into the kitchen for some water. “What can I make you?”
“Nothing, peanut.” Poppy patted the table, ushering me over.
“You guys have weird vibes. Am I in trouble?” I asked as I sat down.
“Never,” Poppy promised, “but we’ve discussed it, and we think it’s time you went back to Meadow, or at the very least, take a long break on caregiving.”
“But—”
“Honey,” Dad said softly. “We can all see you’re not feeling well. You were so vibrant when you first arrived, and it feels like that spark is dwindling. We should’ve made you go home sooner.”
I swallowed hard, staring at my water. “You need me here.”
“We’re not going to lie and say things aren’t easier having you here,” said Pappa, reaching to lay his hand over mine, “but we would be shit parents if we let this continue. We can makeit work. We’re not kicking you out, but Meadow is prepared to book your flight whenever you’re ready.”
My lip wobbled, and I sucked it between my teeth to keep it still. I couldn’t even contradict them. Nothing had been bad enough for me to actually go get checked out. I had been through bouts of sleeping terribly and my body being finicky before. They always passed when the stress did. Except, this stress wasn’t going away soon, and I was turning into a wilted peony. Would going home to Meadow fix it or make it worse because then I’d be worrying about my family from afar?
“Peanut?” Dad pulled my chair closer so he could set his hand on my hair. “What’s going through your head?”
“I could rest here?”
Pappa smiled indulgently at me. “I’ve been telling you to. Instead, you’ve laundered everything in the house, the baseboards are sparkling, and you’ve washed dishes we probably haven’t touched since before you were born. If I thought you’d be able to rest here, we wouldn’t suggest you leave, but you’re kind of proving you won’t stop.”
“How about this?” Poppy began. “You go back to Meadow for a week or two, and see how you feel? If you desperately need to come back here because you’re worrying too much, then that’s okay. Mike is getting a little stronger every day, and we can send you out of the house as soon as we get home so you can go to some classes, visit the library, or whatever you do for fun these days.”
“Does that sound fair to you, Clover?” Dad asked. “You know we love you more than anything and we want to support you.”
I nodded eventually. “Okay. I guess it would be nice to go back for a while. Forest has probably already forgotten who I am.”
Dad laughed. “No chance of that happening. Who could ever forget you?”
I flew back to LA the next day and cried for most of the flight. I wasn’t usually such an easy crier, but between leaving my dads and knowing I would get to see Meadow and Forest in person, I was a mess.
I definitely wouldn’t be able to rest around the guys, so I didn’t tell them I was coming home yet. A good thing, too, because the second I got through the doors at the airport and saw Meadow with Forest in her arms, I was full-force sobbing so hard I couldn’t even see to walk to them.
When I leaned too much of my weight against her, Hendrix scooped Forest away from Meadow while Arlo kept her propped up.
“Is something wrong, or are you just really happy to be home?” Meadow asked, wrapping her arms around me.
“Nothing new,” I blubbered out. “I can’t stop crying today.”
A blur out of the corner of my eye, who I assumed to be either Phin or Beckett, dashed away and returned a moment later, pressing a bottle of something cold into my hands. Probably Beckett, in that case. He was always after Meadow to take care of herself, and apparently that was extending to me today.
I popped the top and chugged down the cool water, still clinging to Meadow.
“Ready to go home?” Arlo asked. “Am I going to have to carry you out of here?”
“My legs work fine. It’s my eyeballs betraying me.” I used the arm of Logan’s hoodie to mop my eyes and cheeks. “Give me my nephew. I need auntie hugs.”
