"Okay," I agreed.
So she gave me a shot, then told me to get dressed. Ayla, on the other hand, was told to let her know when I was ready, because Jeera, Brielle, and Cerlik were here -ifI still wanted to see them.
And the way she said that, as if it was okay for me to be scared of this? That was the last thing I needed to be sure. I did want to see the baby. Notmybaby, because he'd never been mine. Gideon had forced him inside me. I'd been made to care forhim, and I was doing that by giving him to adoption, or however Dragons said it.
I was making sure he'd have the life he deserved, not the one he'd been forced into.
So, when I was finally ready, I told Ayla to get them. It didn't take long either. She'd barely stepped into the hall before someone knocked and the door opened again. There, Jeera was waiting with a bright smile on her face.
"Meri!" she said, slipping into the room. "I'm so glad you're doing good." And she came over to hug me gently. "So, do you really want to see him?"
"I have to know if he has Gideon's eyes," I explained.
"Brielle?" Jeera called.
And my other friend came in carrying a bundle of cloth. A small one, but when a little pink arm thrust upwards, I realized that was the child. A tiny little baby.
"Do you want to hold him?" Brielle asked, nearly beaming with either pride or excitement, I couldn't be sure.
But I shook my head, pulling my arms close so she couldn't force him on me.
Ayle shifted between us. "She just wants to see him, Brielle, not hold him."
"Doyouwant to hold him for her?" Jeera asked.
"Okay," Ayla said, accepting the baby.
As she took the few steps from Brielle to my side, she pushed the cloth away from where his head must be, then knelt down beside me. I had to lean forward to see him, and Ayla turned her arms a bit, making it even easier.
My eyes landed on a perfectly normal-looking little boy. His skin was so bright pink I couldn't believe it. Not pale like mine had been, but flushed and healthy! On the top of his head was hair, but it was so pale I could barely see it. I certainly couldn't make out which shade of blonde it was.
And his eyes? They were his. Not his father's, and not mine. Those eyes belonged to a little boy named Cerlik, and while they focused on nothing, they were the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen.
"Hey, Cerlik," I said, reaching down to touch his tiny little hand.
His fingers clamped down on my index finger and he cooed.
"I think he recognizes your voice," Brielle said, shifting closer. "And he's beautiful, Meri. You did so good with him."
"Yeah?" I asked.
"Are you sure you don't want to hold him?" Jeera asked again, but it didn't sound like she was pushing. She was simply giving me the chance to change my mind.
I still shook my head. "No. He's not my baby." And I gestured for Ayla to relax. "I just wanted to know if he looked like Gideon. I was so scared..."
"It's okay," Brielle told me. "Meri, we understand. Seeing your abuser in the face of a child? I can't even imagine how hard that would be."
"But it's not his fault," I told them. "I just..." Twisting, I caught her hand the way I always did with Ayla's. "Cerlik did nothing wrong - and I love his name. It's so perfect! It's a Dragon name, and a good one, but that proves it, don't you see?"
"Not yet," Jeera teased as she took the baby from Ayla.
"Keep going," Ayla encouraged me.
"He's not my baby," I said again, but stronger this time. "Gideon made me have him, and I didn't have a choice, but you two did! And his father's a Mole. I was too, but I didn't want to be, but when I got here, the two of you were so good to me. You were so patient and helpful. Iknowhow you'd be as parents, because you were that way with me."
"We were just trying to help you," Brielle said gently.
I nodded, knowing that. "And you did, but him? He's a little boy. I'm a woman. My whole life, I was told I have to do things, and it's still there. I'm trying to change, but I'm still doing it. You two? You know what it's like to be a Dragon. You will make him one in a way I can't. Don't you see? I didn't pick you because you're nice - which you are. I didn't do it because I know you. I want you both to raise him because I know you'll do it right in a way I can't.That'swhy I won't change my mind. I would raise a Mole, not knowing how to do it any other way, and you?" I smiled at the easy way Jeera held him against her shoulder, patting his back like it was natural. "You'll make sure he knows this isn't his fault. That he's a good boy. That he didn't ask for this either."
