"It's gorgeous," she said. "Oh! And all the circles have symbols on them." She reached up to touch my phoenix. "This one's you."
"Zasen," I said, touching each as I named them, "Kanik, and Rymar. It's comfortable, too. I've started forgetting I'm wearing it. I mean, until someone looks at it. Then I remember and start smiling stupidly again."
"But you deserve that," she said. "Ayla, you're so happy here, so it makes sense those men would be perfect for you."
"What about you?" I asked. "Omden said you asked for the baby to be there today?"
Her smile faded, but the look that replaced it was more thoughtful than worried. "The guys think I should see him. Ayla, I've been so worried Cerlik will look like Gideon that I've been avoiding him, but I won't know until I see him."
"You won't," I agreed. "But what if he does, Meri?"
"Then maybe you can make sure I don't do anything stupid? I don't want to hold him. I'm scared I'll drop him if he does. I mean, if he doesn't, maybe, but I don't have to, yet everyone thinks I'll want to, and - "
"It's okay," I broke in. "Today, all you have to worry about is if Naomi says you're okay. After that, you can decide about thebaby. And if you change your mind, you know what? It's allowed here, and I will remind them of that!"
She caught my hand. "That's why I wanted you with me, Ayla. So much has happened lately, and I feel like I've been such a bad friend to you, and now you have this necklace, and here I am trying to make it all about me."
"But today is all about you," I promised. "Meri, you had a baby and survived! Of course this is a big thing, and it should be. My necklace?" I chuckled. "They call it a token. I think because it's a token of affection, but only the ones with the partner's symbols on them are tokens."
"Token of affection," she said, nodding. "I like that."
"And we're supposed to have a cookout, but Zasen wants to tell his family. I mean, they'll see it today, but all of the guys want to make a thing about it. I was going to invite you as my family - well, and Saveah - but Jeera and Brielle will be there."
"Oh."
"And Saveah's kids," I added. "So I thought you might not want to."
For a bit, she continued walking, watching her toes. I could tell she was thinking about it. "Can I answer after I see the baby?"
"You can," I promised. "And if it's too much, I understand. In truth, I expected you to say no right away, so do not feel like you have to. I mean, Lessa probably would love to spend the day with you, right?"
And a silly little smile began to appear on her face. "Yeah. We could sew again."
"You and Lessa?" I asked.
She shrugged. "She has a machine that makes it easy, and we talk while we work. It's nice, Ayla."
I laughed once before I could stop myself. "So you like Lessa, huh? I'm a little surprised."
Her head whipped around, the smile vanished, and her eyes went wide. "What?"
"What?" I asked a split-second later.
"I don't know if I like her!" she insisted. "And I didn't mean to if I did."
Which made me pull her to a halt. "What are you talking about, Meri? I thought she was your friend!"
"But..." Her eyes flicked to my necklace, then back to me. "I..."
She stuttered. I was confused, so I replayed what I'd said to set her off, and suddenly the problem was too obvious to ignore.
"Meri, youlikeLessa?"
"I..." She still couldn't finish a sentence.
So I caught her other hand, holding both before me. "It's okay if you do. I'd just never thought about it, but up here, they all do it. Jeera and Brielle. Omden and Drozel. I'm sure there are dozens more, but I don't know who. Rymar had a boyfriend for a little bit, but it didn't work out, and you know what? That's all okay.Weweren't allowed to, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, Meri. We weren't allowed to be happy either!"
"No, we weren't," she realized.
