"I want to be happy," she said. "I don't really know how to do that, but seeing Meri working the sewing machine and hearingher gush over the fabric? I don't know. It made me realize how much crap I'm taking for granted. I mean, my life is pretty good."
"And you made it that way."
"Yeah," she breathed. "But I can help Meri do the same. It doesn't have to be all about me, you know? And Ommy's been stealing scraps of cloth for Meri to embroider. He doesn't know it, but I'm using the finished pieces on clothes for him."
That made me do a double take. "Wait, you and Omden?"
"He's gay," she huffed.
"Doesn't mean you two aren't working as partners," I countered. "With Drozel, but still. Less, this? I'm so happy for you."
"Yeah?"
I nodded. "It sounds like you've finally found the people you belong with. I think Omden just wants to not be excluded, and Droz? Well, you know he has a wandering eye, right? Means you won't have to worry about him trying to tie you down."
"Shit," she said around a laugh. "I'm one of those things his eye wandered to. And yes, I made sure Omden was okay with it first, but it sounds like that's their thing. Omden's libido is lower than Drozel's, but they like talking about it. Droz seduces someone, then gets all cute about it with Ommy, and it works for them."
"All relationships are different," I agreed. "But what about you? Would you really be happy with only one man?"
She paused, clearly thinking about that for a moment. "I don't know," she finally admitted. "I like the chase. I'm also so tired of the chase. I think my problem is less about who I fuck and more about having people in my life I can spend time with. Ommy works for that. We talk, we're on the same page, and I dunno. It scratches that itch."
"I think you finally have your first real friend," I told her. "Well, at least the way our refugee girls use the word."
Again she paused. This time, her brow creased and her tail twitched behind her. "Huh," she finally said. "Okay, that does put things in perspective. When she had the baby and turned to Ayla? Zasen, I about lost my damned mind. She wasmyfriend, andI'dbeen helping her, but Ayla was the one she trusted in that moment, and it fucking hurt. But then Drozel pointed out that Ayla's family. Not a friend, and certainly not a lover, but her damned family, and one she wasn't even allowed to have."
"Yeah," I grumbled. "The fucking Moles tried to isolate those girls. Their women are put in a situation where they don't have help. They can either take it or lean on their husbands. There's no other option, so all these choices we're giving them up here?"
"Yeah," Lessa said, nodding like she was thinking. "And Meri is my friend. I honestly like her. She feels like Saveah did back before she met Tasult."
I made a little noise, letting her know that did not sit well with me. Falling in love with a man who'd been my dear friend was not something to resent. Worse, since he died protecting his family!
"I mean to me," she hurried to explain. "Meri's the one who gets me. Saveah did too, but back then we were chasing boys, not clothes. When Saveah settled down, that stopped. I didn't realize how much I missed it until Meri started sewing, and it's the same feeling. The same rush? I don't even know how to explain it, but I do like it."
"So be her friend," I suggested. "I know that sounds obvious, but Less, these girls? Friendship is what they need. It's how to get them to relax. It also seems to be the one thing that made Ayla give us a chance. I don't know, but maybe Meri's the same?"
"And probably straight," she reminded me.
I shrugged. "I don't know. It's possible, and she's probably not ready for anything more than hand-holding. Move slow,okay? And if she is straight, do not abandon her when she needs you most?"
"I have no intention of that," she promised. "If nothing else, Ommy needs a girl in his life. Drozel wants to protect her. Those two feel so bad about their first meeting with Ayla, and Meri's a lot easier to handle. She's open and honest - and it sounds like Ayla wasn't."
"Ayla," I reminded her, "didn't speak Vestrian, didn't want to show a weakness, and was completely confused. She was trying to save herself from us, not realizing we're actually the good guys."
Which made Lessa roll her eyes. "Keep telling yourself that, Zee. I think that proves it, though. You saw a girl trying to fight back with silence. The rest of us saw a threat. You would probably want to wring Meri's neck most days, but she works with us."
"Us," I repeated, making her aware of what she'd just said. "Sounds almost like a family, Less."
"Fuck off," she said, laughing again. "You know what I meant."
"But doyou?" I asked. "I mean, if you ever need a good jeweler..." I lifted the torc, making it clear what I was implying.
"I bought you plenty of those from Tania," she shot back. "I'm the one who showed you the good jeweler, so don't try that shit." She gestured to the bag. "And put that away before everyone in the market knows what you're doing. If you want this to be a surprise, Zasen, you can't do the bragging first. You have to actually wait until she puts her sign on it."
"Yeah," I agreed, sliding the torc back into the bag. "That's the part that scares me, though."
"It should," she said. "A torc is serious. This isn't a passing thing for you. It could go completely wrong..." And she clasped my upper arm and stepped closer. "But it won't. You are a verygood man. Not an easy one, but a good one, and that Phoenix of yours is smart enough to see it too."
"Yeah," I said. "Thanks, Less."
