"I explained it," I promised. "I may have emphasized emotions over intimacy, though."
"But I'd expect intimacy too," Kanik pointed out.
"Not sex," Zasen said.
The look Kanik gave him was withering. "Believe it or not, Zasen, there are many forms of intimacy that don't involve your dick. Cuddling, holding hands, and so on."
"Which is what she wants," I hurried to say before they could start bickering. "But guys? She made it clear she can't pick between us. I make her feel understood, Kanik is nice, and Zasen makes her feel brave. Well, she said it a little differently, but that's what she was getting at."
Kanik chuckled. "Brave? Good job, Zasen."
He sighed.
So I hurried to point out, "To Ayla, brave is a good thing. It's freedom. It's a sensation she's never had before, and I'm sure it's just as important as kindness and safety."
"It's putting control back in her hands," Zasen said. "And that's what I've been trying to do. We've always known the three of us are different. Shit, everyone points it out. The thing we've never stopped to consider is that maybe those differences might make us a perfect whole for a woman like her."
"Ayla?" I asked.
He nodded. "Yeah. Brains, brawn, and charm - all wrapped up in a safe package. All with checks and balances she can count on to keep her from being hurt by a man."
"Shit," Kanik breathed. "No, that's a good point. And before this spirals into some attempt to persuade me, I'm in."
"With Rymar?" Zasen asked him.
I groaned. "Thanks. No, really."
But Kanik chuckled. "The part you two dumb-asses can't wrap your minds around? None of us will be fucking anything but our hands. Me? I'm still in. That doesn't bother me at all. Rymar's not used to going a week without someone willing to suck him off."
"That isn't the same as wanting it!" I snapped. "Is that what you two can't get your heads around? I don't serial date because I want to! I do it because they get sick of me. Because I'm not the man they want me to be. Those people I fuck? Yeah, they want the man with bright colors, or the rich one, or the deputy mayor. They don't wantme!"
"And Ayla does," Zasen realized. "She doesn't even understand that stuff. All she knows is that youareher friend." He groaned. "Fuck, okay. That makes more sense."
"That's what I've been trying to say," I told him. Then I looked at Kanik. "And this is one line I can't cross over and then pretend never happened. With her?"
"You'll fall in love," Kanik said before I could finish.
But that? It hit me in the face like a bucket of cold water. That was my problem. It was the fear I'd been shying away from with her. She sawme. Not my money, my color, my looks, my job, or any of that shallow crap. She saw the man only my two closest friends knew.
"Yeah," I breathed, nodding to show I wasn't denying it.
"There's one single thing I'm worried about," Zasen said. "No, two."
"Okay?" Kanik asked.
"Well," Zasen said, "the three of us have been acting like her partners for a while now, so I don't think that's an issue. What I'm worried about is you, Kanik. Or more accurately, if this is because she thought she'd lost you, and now she's thinking this is her way to keep from feeling grief again."
"And the Moles are coming back," he realized.
Zasen nodded. "Yep."
"What else?" I asked, because I was pretty sure I could handle his first problem easily.
So he looked over at me and smiled. "I don't think she should ask us. You need to figure out a way to put her off until after the next battle. Make her think about it. Tell her the timing is bad. I don't care, Rymar, but put her off, because if this happens, the only way we'll know if she's really ready?"
"Is?" Kanik asked when Zasen paused for too long.
"We need to ask her," he said. "All three of us, together - and I think we need to give her a token."
