"For what?" he asked.
"For that week," I said, waving it away. "That's how Moles do it. A girl turns twenty, and then a man can propose. But marriage is nothing like dating, and I don't want to get married, but I have no clue how to make it clear I want to."
His pretty turquoise eyes narrowed. "Who is it you're wanting to ask?"
"Huh?"
"Which one of usdo you want to date, Ayla?"
"Well, all of you." I'd already told him that! "I like kissing, and I want to have the chance to see if I like Kanik that way, because I think I do, but I think I like Zasen that way too, and you're such a good friend, and I was okay with you naked. Saveah said I don't have to pick, and that's good, because I couldn't! I like you for being understanding, and Kanik for being kind, and Zasen for making me feel like I'm his equal. I like that you all kiss different, and even trying just makes me feel...." I paused there, unsure of what came next.
"Excited?" he offered.
"And beautiful, and safe, and yes, excited too." But a sigh slipped out. "I just don't know how to start it. I mean, with Kanik coming back? I... It's..." I grunted, hating how hard it was to talk about all of this. "Rymar, I don't want to wish I'd done it and spend the rest of my life knowing I was too scared."
"You," he assured me, "are not scared. You're careful."
"But that doesn't tell me how to date!" I insisted. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. All of you just know, but I don't!"
He chuckled. "Ayla, you're allowed to ask."
"Just..." I shook my head, trying to make that make sense. "I can just ask someone if they want to date?"
"Specifically someone. You know, like me? You'd say, 'Hey, Rymar, can we start dating?' Then I have the right to pick and choose."
"And a man wouldn't be offended?"
He glanced away, but a little sound still came out before he could stop it. "Ayla, I guarantee a man wouldnotbe offended."
"Oh." I nodded, liking that idea. "Because in the compound, if a woman did that, she'd be considered too forward. A harlot, even. Maybe a jezebel? I'm not quite sure of the difference, but we were warned not to become such a thing. Our job was to wait - always to wait - until a man decided we could be useful."
"Up here," he reminded me, "relationships are all about emotion, not what one person gets from another. It's about caring, Ayla." And he lifted his arm from my waist to rub my bicep on that side. "But how would you feel to go from being just friends with the three of us to dating?"
"What's the difference?"
"Kissing," he said. "Probably some touching."
"What kind of touching?"
He rubbed my arm again. "Like this. Like Kanik holding your hand. Like Zasen standing too close to you."
"But I like that kind, and you're already doing it," I pointed out.
"Mhm," he agreed. "So here's something for you to think about." His tail flicked, waking Holly. He quickly stilled it again. "What happens if you kiss someone and don't have to stop? What if he gets too excited and thinks maybe it's okay to do more?"
"I'd shove him away!"
And he smiled. "Good answer."
"Unless I changed my mind," I added quickly. "Because I said kissing was bad, and then I changed my mind. So what if I decide I want to try sex? Lessa said I would."
"Lessa could be wrong," he countered. "Ayla, she also called you a Mole and thought you were stealing Zasen from her."
"Am I?"
"She's moved on," he assured me. "Plus, Zasen has the right to make his own decisions."
I nodded, taking that in. "Okay. But what if I do?"
