“Cool, cool, cool. Could you maybe put that thing away?” Javi asked.
I realized my claw was still at his throat. Pulling it away, the flesh immediately returned to human skin. My nails were mine again, no longer wickedly long. “I’m so sorry,” I said to Javi.
Javi raised his hands. “No big.” He smiled. “You did know we were only practicing, right?”
I slunk off in mortified embarrassment. Nico called my name, then ordered Luis to take over the training session. I tried to walk faster when I heard his footsteps behind me but gave up once we were back at the tree. I turned to face him; the skin of my cheeks must have been blood red. Heat was radiating off my face.
“I’m sorry, Nico.”
“Hey, it’s fine. Javi’s cool. No harm, no foul.”
I rolled my eyes. “I almost killed him, for God’s sake.”
“It’s all good. Everyone was a little… surprised, I guess.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, anger lacing every word. “I couldn’t control it. It came out of nowhere, and I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was too late. It’s all my wolf. She got pissed that he was attacking you and took over.”
Nico put his hands on my shoulders. “Big deep breath. Calm down, Maddy.”
I tried slinging his hands away but only managed to flop my own arms around ineffectually. Tears started pouring across my cheeks. “I feel like I’m losing control. My wolf doesn’t understand my fear and hesitation. I’m having to deal with my own shitandall this crap going on in my head with this wolf. I’m worried I’m going to go crazy before I can get it under control.”
I was out of breath by the time I was done venting. Nico stood there, letting me finish my freak out. My body was exhausted, and I knew that each day would only get worse. Everything that had happened since I bought that damned DNA test had beena living hell—everything except Nico. It still made me wish I’d never bought the stupid fucking thing.
“Come with me,” Nico said.
“Where? The freaking psych ward?”
“Stop that. Come on.”
He took my hand and led me to the back edge of the field. I averted my eyes from the crowd as we passed. I didn’t want to see the stares I was probably getting. Nico continued walking even as we entered the forest. Holding his hand, I let him lead the way, no idea where he was taking me. After about four hundred yards, the sounds of training vanished, muffled by the leaves and undergrowth of the forest. We finally felt truly alone, and some of my anxiety started to fade.
We rounded a small copse of trees and found a seven-foot-wide creek running through the woods. The water burbled and swirled among rocks. It was the most calming thing I’d ever seen. Nico walked toward it and dipped a hand in up to the wrist. “I used to come here when I was younger.”
“Why?” I asked dumbly.
“Well, as you can see, it’s a pretty quiet place. A good spot to get your mind right.”
“So… do I drown myself or something?” I asked, but the joke fell flat.
“Sit with me. I’ll try to show you a way to control the feelings you're having,” Nico said, patting the mossy ground beside him.
I sat cross-legged next to him, and he put a hand on my thigh. He looked me in the eye and took a deep breath. He didn’t say anything, just gave me a look that told me he wanted me to follow along. I obliged and matched his breathing. Three seconds in, three seconds out. After a few minutes, I was much more at ease. Most of my anxiety was gone.
“My dad taught me some of this when I was getting ready for my first shift,” Nico said. “Close your eyes and think about running along this stream.”
I did as he asked, closing my eyes and visualizing running beside the gurgling water. Even in my imagination, I was clumsy and tripped over a rock.
“Now, imagine you aren’t human anymore. Imagine you have four legs. Try to see yourself sprinting along, the wind in your fur, the ground beneath your paws.”
I did that, and almost immediately, my wolf calmed, like she was getting to experience the actual sensation of running through the forest. My heart rate slowed so much that I only felt it beat every few seconds. When I finally opened my eyes, I felt more rested than I had in days.
Nico grinned at me. “How’s that feel?”
I nodded. “Better. A lot better, actually.”
“Good. I think I know part of the problem. Your wolf is an alpha. There’s a territorial aspect to things that humans don’t ever feel. Not in the way we do, that is.”
“Territory? What do you mean?”
