“I didn’t think I was.” I didn’t like the whiny sound that crept into my voice.
“I’m not sure if you’re consciously doing it, but it’s pretty evident that you are.”
I sighed and fought back tears. “I didn’t know what was happening. I was scared.”
He nodded and brushed my hair back from my cheek. “I know. You haven’t shifted yet, and the longer you go without shifting, the harder it’s going to be. I think that’s the problem. You’re scared. That fear is holding her back. You can’t fear her. She’s a part of you now. I can see why it would be scary.”
“But—”
“I know what else you’re scared about. I swear I won’t let you turn into Edemas. I promise.”
He’d known what my argument was going to be. It was true. The dreams I kept having made me feel like becoming a power-hungry beast was right on the horizon. Like there was no way to avoid it. Why else would I be having nightmares?
“I’ll go make you some chamomile tea. I’ll be right back,” Nico said, standing and heading toward the door.
As I waited for him, I tried my best to talk to my wolf. Her anger and resentment were like a wet blanket on my mind, suffocating everything else. Nico returned a few minutes later with a mug of tea.
“I’m going to go downstairs and drink it,” I said.
“Babe, you need some rest. Are you sure you don’t want to try and get some more sleep?”
I stood and put a robe on. “It’s fine. I need some time to think anyway.”
“Okay, I’ll come and sit with you,” Nico said.
“No.” I put a hand on his chest and kissed his cheek. “It’s fine, really. You go back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”
He didn’t protest. Once he was in bed, I took my tea and went downstairs. As I walked down, I tried again to communicate with my wolf.
“You can’t try to come out in the middle of the night,” I whispered. “It freaked me out.”
That was a bit of a lie. Yes, it had freaked me out, but would it have been any different in the daytime? I didn’t think it would have been. I really was terrified of shifting the first time. Panic would have set in no matter where my wolf had tried to come out. I had no idea how to get beyond the fear of shifting. My wolf didn’t like that line of thought.
After sitting on the couch for a few hours, I finally managed to sleep for a few hours, curled up on the cushions. I woke to Nico heading out the door. I’m sure he hadn’t wanted to wake me. He’d done his best to close the front door quietly, but my new senses were much more sensitive. I rubbed my eyes and felt the strange, heavy exhaustion that came from sleeping but not sleeping enough. Like your bodyknewit had been screwed outof something and was gonna make you pay for it the moment you started moving.
I got dressed and grabbed a book. Nico had scheduled Javi’s guys to come over again for another training session. I didn’t know if this one would be an all-day affair like the last one, but I wanted to be prepared. My wolf stirred as I headed to the field. She was pissed at me. I couldn’t blame her. If the tables were turned, and I was stuck inside her and couldn’t get out, I was pretty sure I’d be angry as hell.
I continued my internal monologue with her as we walked, but I wasn’t sure it was getting through. I found my usual spot beneath a tree and read a few chapters before glancing up to watch the training.
It looked like Nico was working on defensive maneuvers. They were broken up into multiple smaller groups. Nico had one person trying to defend themselves against everyone else in the small groups. It was scary watching one lone shifter try to fend off three or four others. None of them were doing well and kept getting overrun. Was this how it would be when the fight with the royals finally happened? Would we be swarmed and destroyed?
Nico must have seen the same thing I did. He called for a pause and gathered everyone into a circle. “Okay,” he called. “Let’s get a better understanding. Javi, come here.” Nico waved to the leader of the other shifters, and he strolled into the circle. “I’m going to have Javi come for me. Most shifters think like a wolf when we go into battle. We go for the throat, the inner thighs, the balls. All the soft spots. That’s what you have to defend. Watch.” He motioned toward Javi. “Come at me.”
Javi shifted and circled Nico before lunging toward him. He snapped at Nico’s throat, but he was able to lunge to the side and made a motion with his hand toward Javi’s stomach. He straightened and pointed. “See? Be ready for the attack, knowwhere they are going to go, and be prepared to counterattack. If I’d had a knife in my hand, I could have laid Javi’s guts open. We’ll do it a few more times so you can see what I mean.”
I watched as Javi and Nico sparred, going back and forth, shifting to wolf form and then back again. It was all pretend, nothing but a training session, but anger welled up inside me. The sight of someone attacking my mate made my wolf go crazy. She was gnashing her teeth and pacing inside my mind. I tried to ignore her and watch what was going on.
Javi circled Nico and managed to get inside his defenses, striking against Nico’s ribs. It was only at half-strength, and Nico didn’t even flinch. It was harmless, but my wolf couldn’t stand it. I blinked, and there was a blur, like looking out a window of a speeding car. There was rage too, a red, seething bubble of anger and indignation. It all happened so fast that I couldn’t process what was happening.
When my vision coalesced again, I was standing in the circle. There were screams and shouts of alarm and surprise all around me. I kept blinking, glancing around, and seeing all the looks of confusion and fear in everyone’s eyes. I looked over at Nico. “What… what happened?”
Nico held a hand up and looked wary. “Maddy? Can you put your… your hand, er, claw down?”
“What?” I turned to look at my hand. I froze. My entire right hand had morphed into the clawed hand of a werewolf. The longest claw was pressed right against Javi’s throat. A single drop of blood slid down toward his collarbone from where the skin had barely been pierced. “Oh shit,” I hissed.
“Yeah. That’s… well, that’s not good,” Javi said but didn’t sound terribly worried. “If I’m honest, I’d rather it be my neck than my nuts.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t… I didn’t realize—” I couldn’t figure out how I’d even gotten into this situation.
