It’d been hard enough to get through the week without blurting it out. The heaviness was suffocating me. I felt lightheaded and dizzy. I swayed, gripping the counter to catch myself. Noah was suddenly at my side.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” he asked, his voice full of concern and his hand steady and warm on my side.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered, my voice croaking. I hadn’t realized I was crying until Noah cupped my face and tentatively brushed away the tears on my cheek with his thumb.
“Is the idea of going on a date with me that repulsive?” Noah’s voice was teasing, but I could tell he was concerned and trying to make light of things.
“No, it’s not you, it’s…” I stopped myself, taking a deep breath. Rip it off like a Band-Aid, I thought, closing my eyes again. “I can’t go on this date, at least not until I tell you something.”
“Okay…” Noah said carefully, letting his hands fall away.
I couldn’t tell him with him so close. I stepped away from him.
“I’m pregnant.” The words came out on a whoosh.
Noah stared at me for several beats, like he was processing what I’d said. “You’re pregnant?” he repeated, sounding uncertain and confused.
“Yes. I am,” I said, feeling relief that I was no longer holding this secret in. “I’m going to be fifteen weeks as of tomorrow.”
“Fifteen weeks?” Noah asked, and I could tell he was mentally counting backwards. “Isn’t that, wouldn’t that mean you—”
“Yeah, I conceived around Halloween,” I clarified.
“So I’m—”
“I don’t know for sure,” I interrupted. “There was also one other…possibility.”
At that, Noah’s eyes darkened. “Who’s the other possibility?” he asked, his voice low, like the idea I’d been with another man made him envious.
“Nobody,” I answered. “I mean, I don’t know his last name and I’m not in contact with him.”
Noah nodded, his jaw working as if he was trying to chew this information.
“You must think I’m terrible.” I covered my face with my hands, feeling ashamed.
He gently pulled my hands away from my face, peering at me with a perplexed look on his face. “Why would I think that?”
“Because I don’t even know for certain who my unborn baby’s father is.” My lips trembled, and I tried to blink away more tears. I didn’t usually feel shame for my sexual liberation, but I felt shame for not knowing who the father of my unborn baby was.
Noah crouched a little, making sure we were perfectly level so he could look intently into my eyes.
“I don’t think that, not at all,” he assured me. His voice was even, steady. “I’m the last person that would judge you for that, okay? We’ll figure it out.”
“I’m not expecting anything from you, I just…I can’t go on this date without you knowing. And if you want to cancel, I understand completely. It was stupid to set this up without talking to you first, and I—”
“Oh, we’re going on the date,” he said decisively, his gaze resolute. “Unless you don’t want to?”
“No, that’s not it. I’m a mess right now,” my shoulders dropped, and so did my gaze. I stared at his fancy dress shoes, feeling emotionally depleted.
Noah gripped my chin gently, tipping my face up to look at him. His expression was soft. “You’re not a mess, Nell. And even if you are, you’re the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.”
I couldn’t help but snort. “That’s some line, Noah.”
“Thanks, I thought of it myself,” he said, his smile blinding. I couldn’t help but give him a tentative smile back. “I’d still like to take you out on this date if you’re up for it. Seems like we’ve got a lot to discuss, and I bet you’re hungry.”
“Why, because I’m pregnant?”
“No, because it’s dinner time and we’re supposed to go out, so I doubt you’ve eaten,” Noah responded. He paused for a moment, thinking. “And maybe also because you’re pregnant.”
