“Good, exhausted…but good. We’ve finally gotten the hang of nursing, and she’s sleeping five hour stretches through the night now,” Katie answered. As if she understood that she was the topic of discussion, Alyssa stirred and started to whimper. “What about you? Did you give my suggestion anythought?”
“I’m not joining Tinder,” I responded, my brow pinchingtogether.
“You’ve just got to get back on the saddle. This time, we’ll choose a good one,” she remarked, noddingdecisively.
Katie had been on a mission to get me to date again, especially lately. A lot of it probably had to do with how bored shewas.
“What about a friends with benefits arrangement?” I remarked, trying to sound as nonchalant as Icould.
“Wow, that came straight out of the left field,” Katie said, her eyes widening as she stared at me. “Do you have one?” she added, her brows lifting insurprise.
“No,” I shook my head. “I was just wondering what you thought aboutit.”
“Friends with benefits can be a good thing…” she added, her tone considerate andcautious.
“I sense a ‘but’.”
“But it depends on the people involved, I guess,” she shrugged. She looked at me again, this time with suspicion. “Doyouwant a friend withbenefits?”
“Well…I’m thinking about it, anyway. The last thing in the world I want right now is a relationship. I don’t have time, nor do I want that. But before I can even do that…I should practice being intimate with someone,right?”
“I guess that makes sense,” she responded thoughtfully. “What does your therapistsay?”
“My therapist is big on the whole ‘open communication’ thing,” I said, making air quotations with my fingers as I spoke. “She’s been telling me for years to start doing things for myself, and I don’t know…I feel like this could be good for me? It’d definitely be for me, atleast.”
“Then give a go,” Katie said, her hand reaching out to grasp mine. She gave me an encouraging smile, but the crease between her eyebrows told me that she was worried. “Just…listen to your intuition. I don’t want to see you get hurtagain.”
“Me either,” Iconfessed.
Becky
June2017
When Mom died,it felt as if the chapter had ended before a resolution could be reached. Unfinished,untethered.
For all of the years of hurt we each harbored, we’d only just begun to sift through the baggage and find peace with one another. I’d spent so much of my life angry at her for not leaving my dad. After what happened to me, I understood why she stayed a little better. But so many things had been left incomplete, and so much of our time together had beenwasted.
It wasn’t fair, and for months I carried that ugly feeling around with me like ananchor.
It didn’t help that I had to watch as my little brother descended into his own personal hell, and I tried with feeble, fumbling hands to help him. So did Brock, but we couldn’t face Braden’s demons on his behalf. He had to do it himself, and for a while there…I worried that nothing would bring him out ofit.
Six months after Mom’s death, six horrible months of watching my brother drink and rage, and I’d had enough. I told him that I couldn’t have him around Aiden anymore. I told him that he was too much like our father, that unless he went to rehab and got sober…he wasn’t welcome in myhouse.
It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, but it woke Braden up, and he was getting his life back on track. He’d been accepted into the mechanical engineering program at Algonquin College, and graduated top of hisclass.
He came back home last September, and was working at Chuck’s Garage. He was doing well, although I still worried about him from time totime.
After graduating top of my nursing program three years ago in April, I’d landed a full-time position at the hospital, which was a godsend. It had been a challenge and a half to find sitters willing to put up with the odd hours of my school schedule and my old job as a cashier. With my new job, I was able to put Aiden in daycare during the summermonths.
Brock had gone back to work once I’d graduated from college and once Braden seemed to be doing better. He couldn’t live off his savings forever, so he went back to working one-month on and one-monthoff.
On this particular sticky late June evening, Aiden was camping with his uncles and Tessa, and I had needed to get out of the house. The walls were closing in on me so I texted Katie and asked her to meet me atO’Riley’s.
We arrived early enough to snag one of the best booths, closest to the already occupied pool tables. Mick brought us a pitcher of beer and a plate of nachos to share while we waited for a pool table to freeup.
“How’s everything going?” Iasked.
“Not good,” Katie sighed, her shoulders slumping with disappointment. “Still not pregnant. I don’t get it…it was so easy to get pregnant with Alyssa. What am I doingwrong?”
