We both looked up at the same time to see Alex standing about three feet away, holding two bottles of water. Elle stood up, pulling out of my arms and wiping the tears from her eyes. She turned her head, catching my eye for a second; a pining expression on her face. Then she turned back to him and started walking—taking my heart along with her.
It had felt like the walls Elle threw up when around me had finally come down, that she’d finally let me in. It seemed she’d even started to trust me again, at least enough to reveal that difficult truth about herself. I don’t know what I’d thought, maybe that she would let me comfort her and make it right somehow—but seeing her walk off to Alex, seeing them converse quietly—her hand on his arm—it cut. Real deep.
I watched them for a moment before I quietly slipped away, my hands in my pockets and my heart feeling like a transport truck had driven over it. I wandered the fair aimlessly, thinking about how broken she’d seemed in my arms.
Elle was one of the strongest, most willful women I’d ever known. It was part of the reason why I’d fallen in love with her. She’d always known exactly what she wanted and went for it. She’d never been afraid to dive in with eyes wide open. There was a spark about her, and even though Elle was scared and maybe a little broken now—I could still see the spark in her. I was still drawn to it…to her.
I didn’t know why she was still with Alex. I knew she didn’t love him—and maybe that was an arrogant assumption to make, but I figured out of everyone…I knew best. I knew what Elle looked like when she was in love—I knew how she smiled, how she laughed, how she looked at the world. I knew the language of her heart almost better than I knew the language of my own.
I also knew without a doubt thatIwas the reason Elle had a difficult time calling things off with Alex and coming back to me. I’d hurt her so profoundly when I broke things off, and she was afraid I’d do it again. Little did she know that I’d sooner cut off my own right arm than cause her anymore pain.
* * *
Dusk fell over the fairgrounds as hundreds of people gathered near the makeshift stage to watch Travis Channing perform. Growing up, Travis had been a regular feature in my life as he had been one of Brock’s best friends. It was surreal to think of all the success his music had brought him. The last person from Parry Sound to make it big had been Bobby Orr, our claim to hockey fame.
Travis was a startling contrast to the successful hockey player. For one, he loved to show off and he loved the attention his fame brought him.
But he was a fantastic performer, I’d give him that. It was impossible to not get caught up in the infectious energy he let off as he sauntered around the stage like he owned it. His music was decent; I used to rip on him for his corny “My dog died and my wife left me” vibe, but it was clearly working for him. Travis’ net worth was approximately $220 million dollars, and mine was well under 40,000. The guy was practically wiping his ass with hundred dollar bills and he’d already been romantically linked to several celebrities and models.
He was at the height of his career, but the best thing about Travis was that he remembered his roots. After he became established in Nashville, popular enough to make his own schedule, he started flying back every summer just so he could perform at the Parry Sound Stampede. He traveled home to see his mother every chance he got. Travis was home grown and proud of it, his pride and love of Parry Sound drawing in a lot of extra tourism. People would rent cottages up here, hell bent on getting a chance to meet the famous country singer. And often, especially during the summer, they were rewarded. He could act like a self-centred asshole all he wanted, but deep down he was a good guy.
Every year after Travis performed at the fair, a huge after party was planned at the Clayton’s property. The Clayton’s were a rich family that had a massive barn they’d renovated into a beautiful bar and venue hall for events. It was featured in magazines all over the world and as a result, weddings, proms and other special occasions were booked there year-round.
The last time I’d gone to a party at the Clayton’s barn, I’d been with Elle. The fact that I was there without her pissed me off, so I didn’t particularly mind spending my night listening to Travis act like a redneck version of Justin Bieber. It was entertaining enough to keep the majority of my thoughts from drifting to her again, although any time she snuck through my barriers, my heart ached.
I felt her absence from my life so profoundly, that it was taking everything in me to not march over to the bar and fall into the comfortable, old habit of washing away my regrets.
Seeing her fall apart earlier today wasn’t helping. I couldn’t help but shoulder the blame. If I had never hurt her, if I had let things play out the way that they were supposed to instead of pushing us to our untimely end, maybe we’d still be together and it would be me helping her through the darkness.
I tried to focus on the conversations happening around me. It seemed like the entire gang was together again—Gordon, Tommy, Ezra, Grady, Peter, Krista, Brock and Tessa were all present. Even Becky was out for the evening, after recruiting a babysitter to watch Aiden. I couldn’t be sure if she’d come out to let off some steam, or if she’d come out to keep a watchful eye on me.
Even though they didn’t say it, my siblings were still worried about me. I felt their eyes on me every time I had my back turned. They were waiting for me to fall back into old habits, to grab a beer with the guys.
It was disheartening, to say the least. I didn’t know if I would ever earn their trust back, and their apprehension and lack of faith in me mademewaver.
I watched the dance floor from my spot leaning against the railing of the loft as Travis made his rounds, his easy, dimpled smile wooing the girls he hit on. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see my sister go rigid. Her spine stiffened and the smile on her face slid away.
“Becs, you alright?” I asked, arching a brow at her.
Becky shook her head, as if clearing her thoughts away. She pasted on a smile and shrugged, bringing her white wine spritzer to her lips. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asked before taking a delicate sip.
“Alrighty then,” I shrugged, biting back a smile. My sister didn’t want to talk, that was fine. I understood it. I didn’t like talking about my emotions either. Emotions were complicated, feelings were confusing.
My eyes landed back on the dance floor, and I kept scanning the crowd, searching for her. I didn’t know if she was still at the fair, or if she’d left after the smash-up derby, but I desperate to see her.
“Braden Miller, I heard you’d come back!” a voice said, drawing me out of my thoughts of Elle. I turned around, catching sight of Joanna Poole as she sauntered up to me, hips swaying. She was dressed in shorts that left little to the imagination, and a crop top that didn’t even pass as a shirt. She came to a stop in front of me, placing a hand on my arm. “Oh my God, how is it possible that you’re more delicious than you were in high school?” she giggled, squeezing the muscle on my arm with wide eyes.
I pulled my arm away from her grip and forced a smile in place. I couldn’t really blame Joanna for what happened between Elle and me, but she was a painful reminder of my idiocy. “Yeah, well,” I said, shrugging and averting my gaze.
Tessa’s eyes were narrowed in on my face. I furrowed my brow, frustrated. There wasn’t a way to untangle myself from Joanna’s clutches without seeming like an asshole, and Tessa knew it. She smirked, as if she was enjoying my discomfort.
“Joanna!” Peter said, coming to the rescue and enveloping his arms around her in a huge hug. “Glad you could make it out!”
“I know, I haven’t seen you inforever,” Joanna said, flipping her hair over her shoulder as her eyes fixed on Peter. “Daddy told me you were working for him now!”
“I am,” Peter said proudly. “It’s a great job. Your dad’s an awesome guy to work for.”
“He sure is,” Joanna pursed her lips in agreement, her eyes pausing on Tessa and Krista. “Hi Krista.” The note of distain in her voice was clearly detectable to everyone around us.
