She looked at me again, her eyes still guarded. “Most of the time. It's fulfilling but...there are times when it's really hard too.”
I nodded, accepting this answer. “Yeah, Becky's a nurse now and I know it gets hard for her.”
“Becky's a nurse now?” Elle's face lit up. “That's great! I always knew she'd make a wonderful nurse.”
“She does,” I agreed, sitting back in my chair. “Are you going to finish answering my question?”
The happy expression fell away from her face, and she went back to being guarded. “Are you happy, Braden?”
“In this moment? Yes. I'm the happiest I've ever been.”
“You have a lot to be happy for,” Elle said in agreement, forcing herself to hold my gaze. “You're sober and you've got the degree you never believed you'd get.”
Elle brought a rush of memories with each spoken word. Nights of us sitting on her front porch swing, wrapped in a blanket and talking about the future—nights of Elle talking about college and me evading the discussion.
I always knew Elle would go on to do incredible things—but I didn't have the same hope for myself. I thought I'd be stuck at Chuck's garage forever. I didn't believe that college was in my cards. I didn't have the money and I certainly didn't have the motivation. I already had a job that I didn't hate, I was content. I was afraid of failing.
But things change in an instant. I lost who I was, what I thought I wanted, and I was left staring at the pile of debris that was my life trying to make sense of it all. I failed, and I had to do something to make it right. I thought going to university would give me a sense of direction that I'd been lacking my whole life, but I ended up right back where I started.
“Not exactly, I'm still kicking around at the garage,” I pointed out, smirking a little to cover up my unease.
“Why? Why don't you get a job in your field?” she questioned, her eyes searching mine for the answer.
“That's the plan—or it was. But Chuck had a heart attack a few months ago. He needs me. I've already bailed on him once...” I trailed off, frowning. I wasn't going to leave him hanging again.
I was tired of being the guy that bailed.
Elle's expression softened. She knew how much I respected the old man. “It's good that you're back, Braden.” She said, her voice was barely above a whisper, but it was jammed pack with meaning and sincerity.
“Now back to my question,” I said, leaning forward again. “Are you happy, Elle?”
“Most of the time,” she retorted defensively. “When I'm not forced to do things I don't want to do.”
“You didn't want to have dinner with me?” I arched a brow, not buying her sass for a second. While her words were meant to cut, her eyes told a very different story.
“There's no sense in revisiting old wounds,” she answered, swallowing hard.
“Frankly, I’m a bit surprised by your outlook. As someone who works in the medical field, you should know it’s dangerous not to revisit old wounds. How else can you keep them clean and heal them completely? If you ignore it, you’ll just let that wound fester until you’ve gotta chop your whole damn leg off.”
Elle blinked at me for several beats, then her lips perked up in the tiniest hint of a smile. “I honestly can’t figure out what your end goal is.”
“Maybe there is no end goal,” I replied. I scratched the back of my neck, trying to knit the words on the tip of my tongue together in neat little patterns. “Maybe I’m just tired of that old wound festering. Maybe I want to clean it out, help it heal for good.” She said nothing, absorbing my words with her eyes fixed on the wall behind me. “I’m not asking you to dump your boyfriend and come back to me, Elle. I just want to be friends again. I just want to make up for what I did.”
“The thing is Braden, I don’t know if youcanmake up for what you did. I don’t know if I can forgive you, or if I want to for that matter. And I’ll be honest, I’m really not sure how I can be friends with you again,” her voice shook a little with emotion, but her eyes were cold and guarded, the finality in her tone slicing my heart.
We ate our dinner in a sad silence that suffocated me. Elle refused to meet my eyes for the rest of the evening. Any time I tried to pull a question from her, she'd respond with one or two worded replies.
But I knew Elle—I expected this. I expected her to fight me, to fight what was between us tooth and nail. I knew how she operated, and she’d never forgive herself if she opened up her arms to me without making me work my ass off first. I just had to show her I was willing to jump through any hoop she put before me. I would do whatever it took, whatever she needed me to do, to prove myself.
Elle
Dinner with Braden was a mistake. I should have never put myself in a position to hear him out, and I didn't feel any better for having done it. Instead, I felt guilty and confused. I hadn’t even known he’d gone to rehab, I had refused to let Tessa talk about him around me. It pained me to hear he had self-destructed to that point. I couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t let him push me out.
In my heart of hearts, I wanted to give him another chance. I wanted to help him burn away the regret, and soothe both of our aching hearts. I wanted to surrender again, and that was stupid. That was dangerous.
Stupid heart.
Braden was just getting his life together again, and he had shattered me before. I wouldn't—couldn’t—give him the opportunity to do it again. I would always care deeply for him, but once you broke a Thompson's trust, it was gone forever.
