"Not... exactly like that, but similar concept."
"Got it. And femme?"
"Similar to queen but broader. Anyone who presents feminine, regardless of gender. You can have femme lesbians, femme gay men, femme non-binary people..."
I nod, adding to my notes. The terminology is complex, but the underlying pattern is pretty clear: it's all about giving people ways to describe themselves and find their tribe.
"It's classic human behavior, creating in-groups and categories." I look up in time to see his nose crinkle in the most adorable way.He really hates psychology.
To again redirect him from what looks like a tangent about my major, I ask one I've already figured out for myself.
"What about a baby gay?"
Doc blinks at my change-up and actually smiles at that one. "Someone who just came out. New to the community."
"So I'm a baby gay?"
"I—" He stops, seems to realize what I just admitted, and his eyes go wide. "Are you?"
Shit. I hadn't meant to say it like that."I don't know. Yes… Maybe? Like I said, I'm figuring things out."
"Oh." His voice is softer now, less clinical. "That's... that's okay. Everyone figures things out at their own pace."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. I mean, I knew when I was twelve, but my roommate Leo didn't come out until last year. There's no right timeline."
"You knew at twelve?"
"Davey Morrison," he says with a wry smile. "Seventh grade. He wore this cologne that made me dizzy. Took me a while to figure out why."
I file that away. Doc gets nostalgic when he's comfortable. "Who was yours?"
"My what?"
"Your Davey Morrison. First guy you noticed."
"I—" The words stick. Because admitting this makes it weird. "Tyler."
Doc's eyebrows shoot up. "Your friend Tyler? The one dating Ethan?"
"No, I mean… yes, but not like that."Fuck, this is hard to explain."It wasn't an attraction exactly. But seeing him with Ethan, seeing how happy he was... It made me wonder why I never felt that way. With anyone."
"Oh." Doc tilts his head, studying me with those intense dark eyes. "Comp het can be a mindfuck."
"Comp het?"
"Compulsory heterosexuality. The assumption that everyone is straight until proven otherwise. Society's default setting."
"Huh." I turn that over in my mind. "So all those girlfriends in high school..."
"Maybe you were just doing what was expected."
"Maybe." I think about Sarah, Madison, and all the others. Nice girls who deserved better than a boyfriend who was playing a part. "This is fucked up."
"Which part?"
"All of it. I'm twenty-three and just now figuring out basic shit about myself."
