"I, uh—we were just—" James starts, his usual eloquence nowhere to be found.
"Taking cover?" Gavin suggests innocently. "Very thorough cover, from what I can see."
I want to sink into the snow and disappear forever.
"Anyway," Gavin continues cheerfully, "I thought you'd want to know we beat their asses. Those EBM fucks are all soaked and heading out with their tails between their legs." He wiggles hiseyebrows. "We're all going to the campus pub to celebrate. You wanna come? Unless you're too busy, of course."
"We'll be right there," James says with as much dignity as anyone could muster while sitting in the snow with swollen lips and messed-up hair.
"Take your time," Gavin winks and walks away, already shouting to the others. "Hey guys! We WON! Those chuckle-fucks are GONE!"
James and I avoid looking at each other as we awkwardly get to our feet. I'm acutely aware that I need to adjust myself before standing fully upright, and from the way James tugs his jacket down, he's in a similar predicament.
"So..." My question finally breaks the silence. I risk a glance at him.
"Yeah," he replies, rubbing the back of his neck. "That was..."
"Yeah."
A million questions swirl in my mind. Is this still pretend? Was it ever? What happens now? But all I can do is smile awkwardly as I carefully fix my jeans.
James smiles back just as awkwardly as I do. We don't need words to agree that right now, surrounded by celebrating fraternity brothers and sorority sisters, isn't the time to figure out what happened.
We make our way back to the group, carefully maintaining a respectable distance between us. Emily is sitting on Drew's shoulders, declaring herself the "Snow Queen of Arena 3," while the Theta Pi Nu sisters and our frat brothers exchange high fives and brag about their best shots.
"And then James nailed that guy right in the face!" Tyler is saying. "It was beautiful!"
"The snowball fight was incredible," Marcos agrees. "Best stress relief before finals week."
James's eye catches mine at that, and heat floods my cheeks as he looks away quickly.
Stress relief. Right. I wish.
As we all head toward the campus pub, I walk beside James but can't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound loaded with subtext.
"Thanks for having my back" sounds like innuendo. "We work well together" sounds like I'm proposing. "That was intense.” Hell no. "My dorm or yours?" Absolutely not, brain, stop it. Even "Cold out" would probably come across as a desperate attempt to discuss body heat.
Gavin keeps shooting us knowing looks, but thankfully stays silent about what he witnessed. Small mercies.
"Hey," the word comes out quietly as we approach the pub; my voice is finally working again. "There's another fundraiser next weekend. For my father's campaign." My throat is tight, and swallowing is hard. "Would you...if you're not too busy with finals..."
"Yes," James says simply. "I'll go."
Our eyes meet, and I know we both get it; whatever's happening between us, whatever started behind that snow wall, it's definitely real now.
And that's terrifying. And exhilarating. And complicated as hell.
But for now, surrounded by our friends celebrating a silly win in an indoor snowball fight, all I can think about is how James's lips felt on mine and what might happen next.
What do I want to happen next?
Which is a problem, considering I have no idea what James wants. Or if that kiss meant anything to him beyond adrenaline and proximity.
Please let there be a next.
Chapter 16
Finals and Fundraisers
