CHAPTER 9
WAITING IS THE WORST
George kept his breathing even while he waited for Andi to finally fall asleep. By now, controlling his heartbeat and evening out his breathing rhythm were second nature to him. He was still astounded at how well it worked on and for Andi.
When he first suggested they’d go to a meditation class together, it was more with the intention of trying to understand where Andi was coming from and what he was doing to stem the constant flow of information. As soon as George understood how much he could actually help by simply syncing his breathing with Andi’s, he pursued the whole thing with the laser focus his entire family used to achieve their goals.
It helped him to deal with the knowledge that, at the end of the day, he was pretty much helpless when it came to the things Andi had to face. His own inadequacy, even though he couldn’t be blamed for it because there was no way he could truly understand his lover’s geschenk, was like an itch at the inside of his skull. Donovans didn’t fail. They fought and studied and gritted their teeth until they mastered whatever they had set out to conquer. Unfortunately, you couldn’t conquer what wasn’t part of your natural setup.
On an intellectual level, George understood that. He knew there was no way he could ever learn to breathe underwater because he lacked the crucial equipment like gills. On a more visceral level, fueled by his need to protect his partner, his lover, he was incensed about his shortcomings. It didn’t matter that the geschenk was immaterial and therefore so far out of his reach like the moon. And it wasn’t about the geschenk itself. It was about not being able to reach the place where Andi was essentially trapped.
George assumed that firefighters or first responders must know this feeling—seeing somebody in need and not being able to reach them, be it because of fire or a mangled car that had to be pried open first. Only the claws of life would never do anything for Andi. Life, George realized, was an absolute bitch.
With a sigh, he pulled Andi closer to his front, knowing how much his partner loved being held, loved soaking up his body warmth. Despite the few pounds Andi had gained, he was still cold more often than not, clear indicators of stress and missing padding. George was working on both fronts, with varying success. This case could throw them back to square one when it kept developing the way it had started. George may not have a geschenk to guide his way, but his gut instincts were finely honed and never wrong. At the moment, they screamed at him that something was very foul with this case, and he dreaded finding the source of the rot. He also knew there was no escaping it because neither he nor Andi liked to shirk responsibility. And as much as he would have liked to send DeCapristo and her careless attitude packing, as long as there was a doubt, he and Andi would keep digging. They owed it to the victims, even if said victims had not been the finest members of society.
George buried his nose in Andi’s nape, inhaling the soft lavender scent from his man’s body wash. It was the same George used because Andi was the very opposite of high maintenance when it came to their daily life. He went along happily with everything George wanted because he either had never contemplated getting the thing in question for himself—case in point, the body wash, organic and vegan from a small store in Charleston that George absolutely loved—or because he simply didn’t care, like many of the food items George had introduced his lover to.
He had been quite appalled that Andi didn’t have favorite brands of anything, just buying whatever came first in any supermarket aisle until he realized how much easier that made shopping for their little household of two. There were no discussions about which milk to bring home or whether the peanut butter should be crunchy or smooth. Andi was grateful when he didn’t have to be part of the decision-making process, and George learned another thing about himself—how much he liked to be in charge of these kinds of things.
Looking back at the few and very short relationships he’d had, he could now see why they hadn’t had a chance to begin with. His need to manage his everyday life had been one of the main reasons his partners had never stayed. The other was that he was too focused on his career to waste time on something serious with another human being, which was just as superfluous.
Andi was good for his career, and even if he hadn’t been, taking care of him had become George’s new focus, thus rendering all obstacles to a happy relationship naught. At least on his part of the equation. He knew Andi still didn’t fully trust that George wouldn’t up and leave him one day. He thought he was too much, which was true. What his lover had yet to learn was that George Donovan needed too much to feel alive. To feel needed. To feel challenged. Everybody could have mediocre and boring. Only a few could brave the outstanding. And there was nothing more outstanding than Andi Hayes and his geschenk.
Smiling, George closed his eyes and let himself be lulled to sleep by Andi’s breathing and the soft churning of the AC.
At noon the next day, they were back on James Island in their house. Luke had called them again, asking when they would be back in Spartanburg, which, according to George, hinged on how fast Evangeline and Shireen would work. Luke had been less than pleased because it meant he had to keep mediating between Savalle and DeCapristo, who weren’t happy about Andi’s and George’s short visit. George had found he could live with Luke’s predicament.
For the rest of the day, they would go over the reports again, trying to find anything they might have overlooked the first time around, and start their whiteboard. After they agreed to work for the office, they had purchased one for their home, knowing there would be times when they would be working from there. This too was something George could live with. There were worse places to think about possible murders than a well-preserved old plantation home with a huge garden and gorgeous interior. In fact, the furniture in Andi’s home was so exquisite that George had put all of his own stuff into storage, except for his flat-screen TV, which was now mounted on the living room wall while Andi’s old one had been moved to their bedroom. Lounging on an almost hundred-year-old leather couch that had been built to last never got old in George’s experience.
Getting calls from his family, though, did get old. George sighed when he saw it was Griff, his oldest brother. While his relationship with Daniel was one of equality, Griff always acted aloof, playing the older brother card even though they were all long grown now. As a consequence, George rarely talked to him outside of family meetings. That he was taking the initiative now couldn’t be good. George looked at Andi, who was busy staring at the whiteboard where they had scribbled down their meager facts, and accepted the call.
“Hello, Griff.”
“Why did Mom tell me to use all sources available to me to find out everything about your boyfriend? And why do I hear from Mom that you have a boyfriend? Who’s also your colleague and partner? And lives in a small mansion nobody with a detective’s salary can afford? Really, George?”
Yep, older brother mode was fully activated. “Again, hello, Griff.”
“Don’t hello me, George. What’s going on?”
George sighed. Andi jerked his chin toward the garden, asking if he should leave. George shook his head. Andi would meet his family in a few weeks, so it made no sense shielding him any longer. At least Griff wasn’t on speaker.
“I assume Mom has talked to you about my—unconventional relationship?”
“Unconventional? That’s what you’re going with? Try career-killing. Dumb. Utterly stupid. Untypical. Those are the adjectives that come to mind.”
“I can assure you, Griff, nothing about me and Andi is career-killing, dumb, or stupid. Untypical, that I give you.”
Andi’s lips twitched, clearly enjoying this. Well, better than him leaving in a huff because my family doesn’t approve of him.
“So it’s true. Your higher-ups know?” Griff sounded absolutely dumbfounded.
“As I already told Mom, they not only know, they approve and encourage.”
“And you can’t tell me who you are working for now? You seem to have all the clearances, but nobody knows where they come from. One of my sources said it’s like running into a glass wall.”
“Of course I can’t tell you. All you need to know is that my career isn’t nearly as endangered as you and Mom might think. Quite the contrary.”
Andi made a waffling gesture with his hands. George flipped him off.
