“I have to admit I’ve entertained that thought more than once. Unfortunately, it’s generally frowned upon, so I refrained.”
“Your former chief, you said he didn’t know?”
“I don’t think so. I’m sure he had his theories, just like you. But to him, my perfect case numbers outweighed his need to find out. Renard was a pragmatic man.” Andi shrugged, still waiting for George to freak out.
George reached for his water bottle, hesitated, left it where it was, stepped back from the counter, turned around, turned back, then started to pace. Back and forth, back and forth between the kitchen and the opening to the living room. Abruptly he stopped in front of Andi again. “I just don’t know what to do or say. Where does this leave us? What am I supposed to do now?”
“I guess you’ve got to sleep on it. Think it through. As I said, I don’t think anybody is going to believe you when you tell them. You can always ask Chief Norris to end our partnership.” Andi hated to say those words yet forced them out anyway.
George’s mouth opened and closed several times. When he finally spoke, it wasn’t what Andi had expected. “What do you want, Andi? You showed great trust in me. This shouldn’t be about me. The more I think about it, this is all about you.”
“It doesn’t matter what I want.” Andi couldn’t stop bitterness from creeping into his voice. “It never matters what I want. I can’t change who or what I am. I can only give you the option of walking away. It’s better that way.”
George grabbed him so hard by the shoulders, Andi yelped in surprise and a little pain. His body was still sore from the night before and the bust. “And that’s what people do, don’t they? Walk away from you?” George’s voice was soft. If there had been any pity in it or in his dark brown eyes, Andi would have broken his hold and told him to shove it. But there was only understanding in George’s expression, a strange kinship Andi couldn’t understand. It made him vulnerable, opened up places inside him he’d long ago locked tight. And yet here he was, his dams finally breaking after years of constant strain.
“They do. Always. Being with me is trying at best, stressful almost all the time, and downright unbearable at worst. I do understand that.”
“So you push them away before they can hurt you. Smart in terms of self-protection.” George sounded almost sad now.
Since he was already having a moment of complete openness, Andi saw no reason to hold back anything. Tomorrow, after a good night’s sleep, he would probably regret it. Now, he latched on to the possibility to let some of his pent-up frustrations go. “It’s easier. That’s all.”
A shadow crossed over George’s face. “I know all about easy.” He hesitated for a moment, averted his gaze only to meet Andi’s eyes full-on again, a strange emotion Andi couldn’t decipher flickering in them. “And I know about being lonely. With me it’s more self-inflicted, I do admit that, what with my career plans and everything, but it’s still the same. I don’t have anybody either.” George tilted his head. “Well, perhaps my brother Daniel, we’re close, though he’s up north at the moment and we don’t talk that often. In my immediate surroundings, I’m pretty lonely as well.”
Andi had to smile at George’s ramblings. It was almost cute, the way he tried to reassure Andi without lying to him. Andi appreciated those efforts.
“You’re not going to report me or wash your hands of me?” Andi raised a brow.
“Are you mad? You said it yourself, nobody would believe me anyway. I also want to nail those trafficking bastards, and you’re my best bet to solve this case. I’m not giving up now.” George huffed, jutting out his chest a bit.
After a moment of silence in which Andi simply didn’t know what to say, George continued, his shoulders slumping slightly. “I’m not going to pretend everything’s fine, Andi. I like to think I’m a decent enough human being and a passable cop. Though that doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly stop pursuing my career goals. I can honestly say I like you and I have sympathy for your… condition or whatever you like to call it. But I’d be lying if I said I’m going to help you solely out of the goodness of my heart. Solving this case will be a nice feather in my cap, and if that means I have to help you tweak the reports a bit, so be it. Your secret is safe with me, and I’m going to tell Chief Norris to leave you alone because you’re simply that good. Deal?”
George held out his hand with a waggle of his eyebrows that made Andi wonder how much of his “I’m a good guy with an egoistic streak” speech he had truly meant and which parts were simply to hide the fact that he—maybe, possibly—cared more than he wanted to admit. Andi decided to let it go for the moment, too relieved about George’s all-over positive reaction to rock the boat further.
“Deal.” He shook hands with George. “Though I do want to point out this was the strangest conversation I’ve ever had and certainly not because of mygeschenk.”
“Agreed. How about we pretend it never happened?” George winked.
“No can do. I need you to help with my cover. There’s no escaping for you now. At least until we’ve solved this case.”
“I knew it!” George grinned broadly. “You’re using me.” He turned serious. “And you’re awfully sure we’re going to catch the bad guys.”
Andi shrugged. “I wasn’t so sure yesterday, but now we have a location, even more witnesses, and four culprits who look rich enough to fear for their reputation and therefor be amenable to a deal. We’ll get them.”
“Whatever you say, O wise one.” George mock bowed. “Now go get some sleep. Knowing why you look horrible doesn’t make you any prettier.”
“Thank you so much, partner.” Andi made a face. “Are you going to pick me up tomorrow?”
“Of course. What kind of partner would I be if I didn’t? Besides, your car is still at the precinct. You may want to bring it home one of these days.”
“Yeah. One of these days.” Andi tried to hide his relief. If George was still willing to pick him up, he couldn’t be too freaked out. He only hoped an entire night’s time of thinking things through wouldn’t change that. A quick glance at the clock told him it was more of half a night’s time, since it was already past midnight. George went out the door, and when the taillights of his car left Andi’s driveway, he sank onto the couch in the living room, still not sure what to make of this entire day. Fatigue crept up on him, made his legs heavy and his brain sluggish. In a heroic attempt, Andi somehow managed to get upstairs into his bedroom and fell face-first onto his bed.
Chapter 22—Liar, Liar
GEORGE WASglad he already knew the way to his own apartment, because he was driving on autopilot, his mind a scrambled mess ofthis is impossible,at least now it all makes a weird kind of sense, andsomehow, this is pretty cool. He was also simultaneously worrying about Andi and his own career, though the worry he had for Andi outdid the one for his personal gains, which was new for George. So far, he had always put his priorities firmly in his own corner. The short explanation Andi had given him about how his—what did he call it?—geschenk, worked made George wonder how his partner managed to stay upright most of the time.
Andi had either exaggerated, which George couldn’t believe, or he was a much stronger person than George would ever be. Either way, he was determined to solve this case with Andi and have his partner’s back. This meant he had to protect Andi from Chief Norris while at the same time staying at least on a neutral footing with the chief, since he didn’t know when and if he’d need her in the future. George sighed deeply, parked his car, and went up to his apartment. Normally he liked a good challenge, reveled in it, since it gave him a chance to prove to himself as well as his overachieving family that he was every bit as good as his two brothers. Now, though, there was more on the line than just his personal gain—a high-profile case with many innocent victims, a chief breathing down his neck, and most important of all, a partner who was the self-confident lead in the investigation and at the same time strangely dependent on George to help him. He wasn’t yet sure how to balance these opposing situations, not to mention the exhausting mix of prickliness and vulnerability Andi was showing him. George had a suspicion he would have to be the unflappable, steadying presence in this partnership, the mature one, and he had his doubts if he was up to it.
He closed and locked the door before he took a quick shower, doing his best to calm his raging thoughts. What he needed now was rest, not to allow his brain to barrage him with a plethora of conflicting emotions and thoughts. Neither he nor Andi needed that at the moment. Their case had gone from lukewarm to scalding hot again, and they couldn’t afford to let themselves be distracted. Calming his mind wasn’t as easy as George would have hoped. It took him almost an hour after the shower and a glass of warm milk with honey—always his very last resort when his body refused to take the rest it needed and also a fond childhood memory—to finally drift off to sleep, only to be woken way too early by the beeping of his alarm.
