I cruised back over to the school and headed into the theater. Luke was nowhere to be seen, staying true to his word. I breathed a sigh of relief and found Mrs. Fletcher. She walked me away from the rehearsing kids so we could talk in semi-privacy.
“Sorry about leaving earlier,” I said to her.
She waved the words away dismissively. “No, not at all. I’m the one who needs to apologize. I asked you to help out as a favor. I had no idea you and Luke didn’t want to see each other. Quite the contrary, I asked him to be Santa again after you told me you would help. I thought it would be a nice reunion. I mean, how long’s it been? Ten years?”
“More like two days,” I said quietly, shaking my head.
“I’m sorry, did you say two days?” Mrs. Fletcher blinked at me with her big owl eyes. “Clara, what year is it?”
I laughed and patted her shoulder. “You haven’t traveled through time. Luke and I reconnected over Thanksgiving and things got really… interesting really fast.”
She rubbed my arm sweetly. “If you need to talk about it, I’m here. Technically, I’m an English teacher, but you know I specialize in drama.”
I snorted a laugh. “I’ve got plenty of that in my life, no doubt. But I don’t think talking about this will help anything.”
“You never know. Sometimes we tell ourselves a story in our heads without realizing we have it wrong. Talking helps to figure out what’s real and what’s just anxiety.” She shrugged. “And sometimes it just helps to get it all out. It’s cleansing.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Fletcher.” I smiled at her. “I appreciate your kindness. For now, I think the best thing I can do is get back to work. Wrangling these little energy balls is no joke. I don’t know how you do it.”
Mrs. Fletcher smiled. “Just wait until the actual performance. Everybody loses their minds. It’s hilarious.”
“Well, I’ll be here for sure. Right now, this play is the only thing keeping me going.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She wrapped me in her arms and held me.
A few tears managed to escape, but I kept it together for the most part. No matter how badly life kept trying to beat me down, I needed to keep getting back up and keep moving forward.
CHAPTER 33
LUKE
Acouple of hours after I officially retired from the high school Christmas play, Chris got into town. Troy wouldn’t be showing up until the following day, which was a relief. It was nice seeing my good brother again, and we all chatted around the kitchen table like when I had first arrived.
I noticed my mother didn’t offer Chris pie before dinner. Either I was her favorite or I had looked really rough when I showed up.
Mom served pot roast. It was Chris’s favorite. I was a pretty big fan as well. There was nothing like a hearty meal when it was frosty and gray outside. It put some heat in my belly, which I desperately needed. Clara had been so cold to me earlier, I hadn’t been able to shake the chill from my bones.
She wasn’t wrong to tell me to fuck off. She wanted me to stay away but then I showed up two thousand miles from where we’d parted, at a high school play no less, where I had no real business being. That was Clara’s thing, not mine.
Of course it looked like I was there stalking her. If I had been in her shoes, I would have told me to put an egg in my shoe and beat it too.
Giving up the role of Santa wasn’t a problem at all. I had only agreed to do it because I was six drinks deep and I would have agreed to just about anything. Sure, I had also thought it might be nice to run into Clara, but that had been a foolish idea also.
She was not happy to see me. In fact, she had run from me, then left the campus altogether to avoid talking to me. Signs didn’t get much clearer than that.
Mrs. Fletcher had seemed legitimately sad I wasn’t going to be in the play. I had given a very condensed version of things. Clara and I shouldn’t be around each other. Thank you for inviting me to participate.
I had posed for some pictures with the kids, who insisted. I couldn’t say no. I had been in their shoes once, looking up to my heroes and dreaming of being them one day. I wanted to warn them not to be too much like me, though. I was the reason Clara had just run out of here like her ass was on fire.
She was the closest thing I’d ever had to love and she literally fled when I walked in. I was not a role model they should be emulating.
All those thoughts kept me quiet throughout dinner. I said a few things here and there to not be rude, but mostly I chewed on my food and my regrets.
After dinner, Christ started in on me. “Let’s go to Tipsy’s,” he said, hitting my arm. “I want a beer.”
“Then go get one. I’m not your fucking babysitter.”
“No, you’re a fucking sourpuss. You need a beer too. You’re bringing down the whole vibe, bro.” He shook his head. “It’s the holidays. Cheer the hell up or at least fake it for Mom.”
