It was about my son, a boy who deserved every ounce of this family, of their love, and even of this vacation in their huge estate. He deserved it more than I deserved to hide.
The fight drained away when that realization hit and I turned before either of them could see me. I shut my bedroom door softly behind me, pressing my back against the wood. For a long moment, I just stood there, staring at nothing, but then I slid down to the floor, pulled my knees to my chest, and let the tears come.
Everything I’d been holding in all day unraveled on the cold stone floor, with no one to see but the ghosts who inevitably lived between the walls of King Sterling’s absurd castle.
CHAPTER 43
CALLUM
After suffering through dinner with the guys, I made my excuses and went looking for Maisie. I hadn’t seen her all damn day. Mom and Sterling had made plans to substitute the traditional bachelor party and bachelorette party, which meant that Maisie had been with the women all day while I’d been stuck with the men.
Every sip of whiskey had felt like sandpaper being forced down my throat, every laugh dry, but I’d played my part despite feeling her absence in every single fucking minute. I couldn’t do it anymore though, so I headed out, but I couldn’t find her anywhere.
I checked the grand hall, which was just about ready for the reception tomorrow. Something in my chest twisted at the sight of it.Will there even be a reception here tomorrow?
I shut the door quickly as soon as I realized she wasn’t there. She wasn’t in the dining room, the library, or any of the sitting rooms either.
Eventually, I found Sadie curled up on an armchair in the drawing room. She had a book in her hands, a blanket draped over her knees, and mug of something warm and steamy on the table beside her. She looked up when I paused in the doorway.
“Maisie went to bed early,” she said as her eyes met mine. “That’s what you’re doing here, right? You’re looking for her?”
I nodded. “How was she today?”
“Broken,” Sadie said simply, a glimmer of pain crossing her gaze. “She’s really hurting, Cal.”
“Yeah, well, so am I.” I cocked my head at her. “You know, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I haven’t for long.” Her voice was soft and gentle, and as I looked at her, I waited for the anger to come. Rage about her having known when I hadn’t, but I just didn’t feel it. Besides, I didn’t know when or how she’d found out, and she wasn’t the person I wanted to talk to about it. As I turned to leave, however, she added, “She loves you. I suspect part of her always has. She might just not have believed that you could ever love her back.”
Her words cut me to the quick. I didn’t respond, just striding to the staircase and heading up, wondering if my heart was physically strong enough to withstand all this. I’d never felt pain this intense and there wasn’t even a drop of blood to show for it.
It sucked. I had no idea how some people went through their entire lives feeling so damn deeply. I wouldn’t have survived it. That was all I knew for sure right now.
Pale light spilled out from underneath Maisie’s door at the end of the hall. I raised my hand and knocked softly, but she didn’t respond.
“Maisie?” My voice came out rough, vulnerable. Too naked. But I knocked again. “Please, Maisie? It’s me. Will you open up?”
Still nothing. I pressed my forehead lightly against the door, palm flat to the wood like I could reach her through it if I tried hard enough.
“Please,” I whispered, so quiet this time that I knew my plea wouldn’t have reached her ears. “Just talk to me.”
The silence stayed. I tried the handle, but the door was locked.
Of course.
For a moment, I kept standing there, utterly torn between giving her space or kicking the damn door down, gathering her in my arms, and holding her until we’d found a way to work through this. I was missing her so badly, it felt like someone was taking an ice pick to my heart, stabbing it with every beat.
More than anything, I wished I could climb into bed with her and remind her of what we were. Show her what we could be. Eventually though, I turned and walked away. Every step I took felt like I was taking it in the wrong direction, like leaving her was the last thing I should ever do.
Harrison appeared from around the corner, and he looked like hell. His hair was mussed, his eyes half closed. He managed a tired grin when he noticed me. “Entertaining a seven-year-old indoors all day wrecked me. That kid is relentless, so I’m out. Enjoy the rest of your night, bro.”
“Yeah, you too.”
He kept walking like it was all he could do just to stay on his feet. Once again, I wondered how Maisie had managed by herself all these years. Keeping up with Brody through seven long winters while Harrison looked likethatafter only one day? That took strength.
Jameson, who had come around the corner just after Harrison, hung back as our youngest brother disappeared into his room. Jamie tilted his head, his gaze sharp and assessing. It was the kind of look I usually only got from Sterling, but clearly, Jameson had been working on perfecting it.
“Alright, that’s enough,” he said. “You’ve been out of it all day. I thought it was just wedding jitters, but clearly, something else is going on. What is it?”
