She was crying because of me. Again.
My thoughts spun like a hurricane and I started pacing the room, not even noticing any of the lavish opulence I knew I was standing in. All I could see was Brody’s grin at the barber, the cowlick, the birthmark.
My son.
My blood.
Seven years of first steps, first words, victories, and tantrums I’d missed because she hadn’t told me.
Because she hadn’t trusted me.
But she hadn’t been wrong.
The realization slapped me in the face. She had been right.
I had been such a selfish bastard back then, every bit the reckless playboy she’d accused me of being. If she’d come to me about this, I would have laughed. I would have denied it and told her the baby wasn’t mine.
Hell, I probably would’ve told her to take care of it and walked away without looking back. I definitely would’ve offered to pay for it just on the off chance that it was mine. My stomach turned, the shame so thick that it threatened to choke me.
I dropped onto the edge of the bed. My elbows dug into my knees as I pressed my palms against my eyes so hard that sparks danced behind them. God, it was so much easier to just blame her. I wanted to do it so damn badly, but I couldn’t escape the truth clawing at my throat.
Back then, I hadn’t been the man I was now. She hadn’t robbed me of fatherhood. I had done that all by myself just by being the self-absorbed asshole she’d known in those days. A guy who had let his dick and his competitive spirit rule him. Who’d lived and died by the puck, never missed a party, and had hounded anything in a skirt.
The castle creaked and settled around me as the night got colder outside. My mind wouldn’t stop whirring even after I’d stopped pacing. Eventually, I climbed into bed, but I didn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw was Brody’s face and Maisie’s tears.
I loved them. Both of them. Fiercely and with everything in me. Right then, I just didn’t know if that was enough.
CHAPTER 42
MAISIE
Iwoke up with a headache that felt like it had been stitched behind my eyes. It was the kind of ingrained pain that came from too little sleep and too much crying.
Today was supposed to be light, fun, and full of laughter, a girly day out with my mom and the Westwood women. Instead, my limbs were heavy and it felt like I was floating outside of my own skin, hollowed out in the worst possible way.
I rolled over in my bed to face the window, seeing rain coming down in sheets. Overhead, the sky was so gray and thick that I was convinced it wasn’t going to clear up anytime soon. Autumn in Scotland was no joke, it seemed. After yesterday’s mistiness and drizzle, today was a torrential downpour with the trees bending in the wind.
Every part of my body was sore. Even my insides ached. All I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head and stay in bed, the weather mirroring exactly how I felt, but I knew I couldn’t do it. Since the wedding was tomorrow, CC had plans for us to go to a spa nearby and on a nature walk before, but I was pretty sure that part of the plan was going to be nixed.
Even so, the spa would still be on, which meant I needed to get dressed and force myself to pretend that the weddingwas still happening. The word alone made my stomach pitch. Everything was up in the air and I had no idea where things would fall.
Finally managing to drag myself out of bed, I shoved a sweater over my head and put on a pair of jeans. Then I pulled my hair up into a ponytail and went to meet the others. By the time I left my room, the castle was already a hive of activity.
Staff moved like ants, carrying trays of flowers, linens, and preparing rooms for the guests who would be arriving tonight. Laney and Sadie were waiting at the bottom of the sweeping staircase, both of them resting against the banister with their hands on their growing bumps.
“We should probably scrap the walk,” Laney said as she smiled up at me. “Unless you fancy being hospitalized for pneumonia as your honeymoon?”
“No, thank you.” The idea of trudging through rain and mud while pretending my world hadn’t cracked apart last night was more than I could fathom. I was grateful not to have to do it, but the only smile I could manage was thin at best, pained at worst. “Do you think we should grab some breakfast before we head to the spa?”
“We’re eating there,” CC announced in a sing-song voice from the top of the staircase. She came sweeping down in a cloud of expensive perfume and excitement, a bright pink coat already fastened around her. “Come on, ladies. What are we waiting for?”
“I should say goodbye to Brody,” I murmured, unable to muster up enough energy to speak any louder.
CC mistook it for nerves and gave me a reassuring smile as she squeezed my arm. “The only thing you have to do today is relax. The men have got him. Callum and your brothers were taking him to the games room last I saw him. He’ll be fine. Now let’s make our escape while we still can.”
My mom chuckled as she came out of the dining room on the far side of the entrance hall, already dressed with her makeup on point. She smiled at CC, but her eyes were full of worry when they met mine.
I gave my head what I hoped was an imperceptible shake. We couldn’t talk now. She turned her attention back to CC, but I could see that she was concerned.
