Alex’s footsteps crunched closer. He wasn’trushing, just inching toward me, careful not to startle me. “I can help,” he murmured, his voice soft and deliberate, carrying over the wind.
I turned to face him, steady despite my shaking legs. My eyes burned, tears streaking my cheeks. “You can’t take away what I did,” I said, the words scraping out of me like a confession.
Alex stopped a few feet away, his hands out in a gesture of surrender, respecting the space I’d claimed. “I know I can’t, Tyler,” he said, his tone heavy.
“I can’t forget their faces,” I murmured, too numb to be scared. “They’re with me all the time.” I stared back toward the skyline; the distant lights blurred through my tears.
“I can’t pretend to understand what you’ve been through, Tyler. But this pain and guilt you’re carrying—it’s a part of you, but it’s not all of you. You’re here with us because you want to find a way to live. And we’re here to help you with that, not judge you or erase your past.”
“It’d be easier if I just stopped,” I whispered, my voice cracking.
“No,” Alex said, taking another cautious step closer. “There’s still hope, Tyler. There’s still life tobe lived. Your mom and dad would be heartbroken, and Jessica…” He hesitated.
I stiffened, glaring at him. “My little sister can’t even look at me,” I snapped. The weight of her rejection crushed me, the words falling out before I could stop them.
“Maybe she doesn’t know what to say?—”
“She doesn’t! And I don’t know what to say to her…”
“You’re not alone,” Alex cut in.
His hand landed on my shoulder, and I tensed, then relaxed. He didn’t try to grab me, didn’t force anything.
“Let’s go back inside,” he said, his voice low and steady. “We can sit down, talk more, and get you the support you need.”
I didn’t move at first, my feet frozen to the ledge.
Make a fucking choice.
I’m a fucking coward.
After a while, I nodded, my voice a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
Alex’s grip on my shoulder squeezed briefly. I saw that Marcus was here.
Marcus will help me.
I leaned into him, my strength giving out as theweight of everything crashed down on me. Marcus caught me without hesitation, steadying me as if he’d done it a hundred times before.
“You can’t take away what I did,” I said again, the words spilling out as Marcus held me.
“But we can try to help you live with what you saw,” Marcus replied.
TWO
Marcus
I held Tyler close;his trembling body pressed to mine as I exchanged glances with Alex over his shoulder.I got this, I telegraphed, hoping my best friend would read the message. Alex gave a nod, his eyes full of concern. He hesitated for a moment, then made the universal hand signal for following protocol in situations like this—a quick motion to his radio. It indicated he would handle the necessary steps to ensure everything was documented and under control. With one last glance at me, he stepped back and disappeared through the door, leaving us alone. Tyler’s grip on me tightened, clutching my jacket like a lifeline. Then, he collapsed into me, burying his face in thecrook of my neck, shaking as gasping breaths tore out of him. He was trembling so hard, I thought he might fall apart in my arms.
“It’s okay,” I whispered. “I’ve got you, Tyler. You’re safe.” My words were soft, but the strength behind them was unyielding, a promise I was desperate to keep.
His gasps turned to uneven sobs, his breath hitching as he tried to inhale. I rubbed slow, steady circles on his back, my other hand cradling the back of his head, grounding him as best I could. His tears soaked my shirt, hot and unrelenting, and I didn’t care. I only cared about holding him together when he felt he was breaking apart.
“You’re safe,” I murmured again, over and over, until the words were more for me than him, a mantra to steady us both. Slowly, the shaking began to subside, his breathing evening out, though his face stayed pressed to my neck. His body was still tense, but it was less overwhelming now, less desperate.
I didn’t let go. Not until he was ready.
“Let’s go back,” I murmured, keeping my voice gentle. But the second the words left my mouth; I felt him stiffen in my arms. His breathingquickened, and he jerked back enough to meet my gaze with a wild, panicked look.
