I answered in kind. “For showing up with my parents where I am living and aggravating an already tense situation with them.”
Bishop Sanchez’s face drew tight. “When did this take place?”
“On Friday, July 27. I’ve written a detailed report, including the fact that the incident became so incensed I had to threaten police intervention. He insinuated that he was under orders by you to return me to the Church.”
“According to Canonical law, the church is not allowed to retrieve you in any manner,” the bishop stated.
“That doesn’t answer his insinuation. Was he under orders?”
“In a moment of frustration,” the bishop began, “I told him that I’d help him find you, to get you back.”
Needing confirmation, I asked, “And that was all?”
“Yes, the day after I received your letter.”
“He’d told me as much when he ran into me at the coffee shop in Los Alamos.” I placed the folder on the side table next to my chair. “Do you have an issue in submitting my grievance, Bishop Sanchez? Otherwise, I’ll go to the archbishop.”
The bishop nodded toward the folder. “I’ll take care of it. As frustrated and yes, angry, as I’ve been with you, I don’t condone Father Matthew’s actions.”
“Thank you,” I said. “Now for my laicization. What have you decided?”
“I’m sorry, Father Jude. I can’t condone the reasons why you left or breaking your vow of celibacy. As such, your consequences are losing the Church’s support concerning housing, salary, and the right to perform clerical duties with one exception. Per Canonical law, in the case of a dying person, you are allowed to offer last rites if no other priest is available. Do you have any questions?”
“No, I don’t. I appreciate your grace in seeing me and hearing me out, Bishop Sanchez. I’m disappointed in not being laicizedofficially. I already feel the weight of my punishment.” I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder. “Good day, Bishop.”
The bishop stood and came to where I was already by the front door. “Father Jude, remember that you are a priest until you take your last breath.” And then he made the sign of the cross in front of me and intoned, “I trust you to put God’s love to good use in whatever means that may come your way.”
I gave him a curt nod and left his house with a heavy heart. I walked down the block to my car, having parked purposely where he couldn’t spy on me arriving or leaving. I replayed what he said to me about God’s love, not understanding what he meant. But I wasn’t in the mood to ask him to explain after hearing the disappointing news. At least he’d been semi-gracious. But damn, I’d really wanted a clean break from the Church. I felt bad enough that I would always be a priest, an invisible leash keeping me tethered to rules and views on sexuality that were prehistoric and more importantly, damaging.
I felt vindicated that the bishop would process my complaint against Father Matthew. So, I got closure there. But I didn’t know what to do with my parents. I needed advice. As I unlocked my car and got in, I knew the exact person to go to except I didn’t have her number. I hated calling Frank at work, but I also didn’t want to spend the rest of my day obsessing about it.
When the front desk transferred my call to Frank’s office, he answered, “Hello, this is Frank Cattaneo.”
I tried to speak but I had to clear my throat first. And then a second time. Finally, I managed words. “Hello, Frank, this is Jude. Ethan’s Jude.”
His voice immediately went from congenial to concerned. “Jude, is everything all right? Did you need Ethan?”
“No,” I said a little too loud in my haste to stop him from getting Ethan. In a more controlled voice, I said, “I apologize forbothering you at work but I didn’t have your wife’s number and if she’s available, I could really use her wisdom.”
Quiet laughter came through. “She seems to have a good pulse on things, I’ll agree with that.”
“Do you think she’d mind if I asked her to have coffee with me?” I asked.
“Not at all, Jude. Let me see, it’s three o’clock. I have a suggestion. Since Ethan goes straight to therapy after work, go to the house at four. You’ll have plenty of time to talk before I get home. You’ll stay for supper. And then you can take food home for Ethan. Sound good?”
I wasn’t sure if it was good or not. I couldn’t put them out that much. “I just can’t… without Ethan. He’s the one you’re close with. You hardly know me and I’m feeling crappy now that I think about it. I only phone you when I’m in trouble.”
I imagined Frank having an indulgent smile when he said, “Jude, you have no friends, considering your past fifteen years. And you’re not able to reach out to your family, correct?”
“Correct,” I said.
“Lastly and most important, because of Ethan, Viv and I are more than happy to do whatever we can. You have my cell number, Jude, so next time don’t feel that you have to go through the front desk.”
“All right, thank you.”
“I’m texting you Viv’s number and our address. Will I see you later?”
“Yes, I appreciate the invitation.”
