Ethan: Good night
When the call disconnected, I couldn’t explain the genuine joy that surged through my body, igniting all my nerves like asummer thunderstorm. Ethan had accepted my apology, despite the fact that my horrible behavior triggered a PTSD episode. I wanted to know more about the time in Ethan’s life that still tormented him so many years later.
There were so many questions I had for him. In addition to learning more about his life with his parents and his work… there were also the small things. How did he take his coffee? Did he cook? Had he decided to be the sperm donor? That was the first thing I wanted to know. Because without even knowing Ethan at all, really, the way he’d reacted to me contacting him was so gracious. He was forgiving… loving.
What made me currently wanting to chew my fingernails was Ethan’s mention of my parents. Would I be able to stand my ground with them? I could against Father Matthew. Regarding Bishop Sanchez, he had the authority to laicize me, which is what I wanted anyway. The bishop also had the authority to have me excommunicated, but I didn’t think he’d go that far. Either way, I believed that God knew what was in my heart and wouldn’t fault me for executing my right to find happiness and love in my life.
I laid down on the bed and told myself to forget about everything for a few hours. The morning would come soon enough, when Inés would go into the office and discover my collar and the letters. Actually, my only regret was not saying goodbye to her in person. But maybe when everything calmed down, I’d get in touch. For now, I’d think about Ethan and our planned video chat the following day.
THIRTEEN
ETHAN
When I arrivedat Frank’s house for dinner, Mamma swung the door open and grabbed my wrist. Dragging me behind her, her graying hair pushed back off her face with a bandana, she called in a sing-song tone, “He’s here. The new papa’s here.”
I stopped short in the doorway to the family room, inadvertently yanking Mamma almost off her feet when her words registered. With my heart thumping uncontrollably and my eyes wild, I looked from Gabby to Belle and back again. “Is it true?”
Gabby jumped up and started bouncing on her feet. “Yes, the sperm took. I’m pregnant!” And then she was running at me. Mamma dropped my hand and I rushed to meet Gabby halfway.
I grabbed her by the waist, lifting her off her feet. But then the news sank in and I set her down. I attempted to speak and offer congratulations but couldn’t make my mouth work. Was it really happening? I’d thought about the moment when Gabby would find out, the expected failure. At the sperm clinic, I’d beenadvised that there was only a five to twenty percent success rate per cycle. So, was it really true that we were the exception?
Gabby felt my arms drop to my sides and looked to her dad for help. Frank took Gabby’s place and I let myself be guided. “Son,” Frank said to me as he lowered me onto the sofa beside him.
I looked at him, still feeling dazed and tried to focus on the man’s kind face. “When Mamma told me Gabby was pregnant, I fainted.” Frank’s expression became wistful. “True story, I went down like a ton of bricks and Mamma had to revive me with cold cloths.”
“But you were happy, right?”
Frank laughed. “Very happy. But like you, I had a hard time taking it all in.”
I looked to Gabby and Belle, “It’s not even my baby,” I said in a hushed voice. “I get that you’re the main event and I’m the sideshow.”
Gabby began to protest and I hushed her. “I’m not speaking poorly of myself. I’m just saying that even though you’re the moms, it’s part of me that made the baby, and the truth of that thought is… it’s mind blowing.” And then tears fell and I stood up and clasped both women in a tight embrace. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” Belle said. “If it wasn’t for you…” She patted Gabby’s belly. “This wouldn’t be happening.”
“She’s right,” Mamma said.
Spinning to face her, I kissed Mamma on both cheeks, addressing her as grandmother. “Congratulazioni, Nonna.”
I turned and offered Frank the same respect, calling him grandfather. “Congratulazioni, Nonno.”
I seemed to see their love for their grandchild grow right before me. “The baby is so fortunate to come into this family.”
Mamma shook her finger at me. “No, we’re the lucky ones. And forever grateful that you were willing to give us this priceless gift.”
I took a long time to settle down from the news, my stomach too jittery to eat much food, much to Mamma’s dismay. I’d learned that she was chill about a lot of things in life, but someone leaving her home hungry was not one of them. So, when I kissed everyone goodbye and left, I did so with a covered dish of lasagna and Italian sausage with peppers. I smiled because during the week she cooked other ethnic foods other than Italian, including hot dogs, fried chicken, and apple pie. Sundays were reserved for her Sicilian specialties, accompanied by stories of her growing up.
Once home, I stored the food, grabbed a bottle of water, and settled on my recliner. With my feet up, I balanced the laptop on my lap and sent a text to Jude.
Me: Can you talk?
Jude’s answer was immediate.
Jude: Yes, I’ve been waiting
Me: Hang up and I’ll call back
I had his video going and as soon as the signal went through, Jude accepted the call and we spent a long minute just staring at each other.
