“Was it easy then to say you loved me?”
I took a sip of wine as did Jude, which gave me a moment to think back. “Honestly, the words came out without much premeditation. They felt natural. And it made me think of when I’d heard people say that something just felt right.”
“So unlike with Thorne, the words came from a place of feelings and emotions. Because I clearly never gave you gifts.” He took a second to figure something out, the way his face was screwed up. “And you never considered that your love for me isn’t real? You have no previous history to use as a comparison.”
I leaned my arms on the table and took his hands in mine even though I still felt like strangling him. But his questions and comments were heartfelt and I wanted to encourage him. “Tesoro, I don’t question the whys. Whether I’ve never loved before you or I’ve declared love to twenty other guys before you, makes no difference. Loving someone evolves and either grows over time or diminishes. Isn’t that why people cite falling out of love with their spouses when they get a divorce? Even if we stay together now, we can promise each other forever and we’ll mean it at the time. But ten years down the line, for whatever reason, one of us might want out. It’s the risk we take being together.”
“Why do you think I ran?”
I brought his hands to my mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I think fear got the best of you. A fear that had been building fora week before. I knew you were anxious. I just didn’t realize the extent. You tend to keep your feelings close to your chest.”
Jude gestured for me to look behind me. The server showed two couples to their respective tables. “We should order. Unless you want to leave.”
“No, baby, I think our conversation has been good. Did you want to leave?”
“No, Daddy. I’m glad you forced me to talk.”
I cleared my throat. “You do realize you are piling up the number of disciplinary actions. I didn’t force you, did I?”
“No, you were my Dom acting in my best interest. But really, Daddy,” he said, leaning forward and whispering, “you did give me an ultimatum.”
“To use your safeword. You made the choice to talk, which I know was hard for you, rather than have me call red and leave you. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“I think I’m afraid to answer,” he said.
I pulled a face. “Try.”
He thought for a long while but I sat patiently, which was a fucking miracle by then. Finally, he said with the first smile I’d seen since we arrived, “I didn’t want you to leave so I overcame my fear.” For the next words his voice was unsteady and questioning. “That I don’t want to lose you… that I love you.”
I saw the server hovering and said to Jude, “Let’s order, baby. We’ve been here a while.” I looked at the menu just to check they offered my go-to entrée at an Italian seafood restaurant. “Perfect.”
“Do you know what you want?”
“Linguini with calamari and musselsal sugo di pomodoro.”
Jude put down his menu. “I’ll have the same as you, Daddy.”
I turned around and motioned to her that we were ready. “Are you ready, gentlemen?”
“Yes, we’re both going to have this one,” I said and pointed to the entrée of our choice. “Please have them cook it al dente.”
“Of course,” she said, picking up the menus and glancing at our wine glasses, which we’d hardly touched.
I lifted my wine glass to Jude. “To the man that will always be my sweetheart, my baby… I love you.”
“Say the last part in Italian, Daddy.”
“Lo sarai sempre il mio tesoro, mio tesoro.”
“Did you usetesorotwice because using the word baby in a romantic sense means the same as sweetheart?”
“Exactly, which finally brings me to my good news.”
“Daddy, we have to drink to your toast to me and I have to say one to you. Then your good news.”
I let out an exaggerated sigh with a tone of drama to it. But for fuck’s sake, I had mind-blowing news that I desperately wanted to share. I kept my cool while Jude raised his glass.
“Daddy, thank you for coming after me. And please don’t get tired of me. My doubts and fear. In the end, they are no reflection of you. When I sayI love you, Daddyand ask if I say it because you expect it, I can state truthfully that’s not the case. I love you from my heart. Happy Valentine’s, Daddy.”
