A half smile curved the doctor’s mouth. “I don’t think these nightmares and flashbacks make you dangerous. I think perhaps you tell yourself that as a form of punishment. Maybe becauseyousurvived what happened in Iraq…and someone else didn’t.”
Noah inhaled sharply. The guilt of Boone’s death sat on his chest, so fucking heavy he couldn’t breathe. It could have been him. Itshouldhave been him. “I don’t know how to live with the guilt.”
“You carry the guilt because you care. Because you loved your teammate. But that doesn’t make his death your fault. Punishing yourself doesn’t bring anyone back. It just buries you right alongside them. Just like suffering by yourself doesn’t make you stronger. It just makes you more alone.” The doctor cocked his head. “If you love her, it should beherchoice whether she wants to sit with you in this tough time.”
Noah’s heart started to beat faster, the idea that he could have her while he wasn’t fixed or healed or whole so enticing that his fingers ached to reach out and grab it.
“Remember, the best way to honor the ones we love is to live alifethat honors them.” Burton set a pen on top of the paper. “I’d really love to learn your story.”
With shaky fingers, Noah lifted the paper and pen. This was it. This was the start of the end of his hell.
It had to be.
An hour later, Noah stepped outside and breathed a lungful of fresh air. He felt raw and vulnerable, but there was also a hope inside him that hadn’t been there before.
Hope for him and Addie.
Hope that there was a way forward for them together.
As he drove home, he told himself not to get too excited. He’d felt good after his first appointment with Toby too, but progress had stalled, then stopped pretty damn quickly.
When he reached Amber Ridge, he didn’t go straight home. Instead, he went to the adventure park as a way to fill his time and not obsess about Addie the entire day.
In the parking lot, he climbed out and headed down the path, only to frown when he saw Jules inside her van.
What was she doing here?
Her back was turned, and she looked to be digging through her small fridge.
“Jules.”
She screeched and spun before grabbing her chest. “Holy cheese balls, Noah, you scared the life out of me!”
“Sorry, I thought you heard me coming.”
She shook her head. “Nope. I was reading use-by dates. What are you doing here?”
“I’m going to clean some equipment.”
She nodded, not even a glimpse of a smile on her face. “Okay.”
“Did you ever find that photo you were looking for?”
Pain etched her features, but then she blinked and it was gone. “No. Hopefully it turns up.”
She started to turn.
“Jules.”
There was the smallest tensing of her shoulders before she turned back. “Yes?”
“I know it was you. And it’s okay.”
For a moment, her eyes flared, but then she blinked. “You know what was me?”
“You told the deputy what you heard me talking to Colt about the day we found Rhett.”
She shuffled her feet, her cheeks going red. “I just thought they should know.”
