His bushy white eyebrows pulled together. “Who’s Addison?”
“Mark’s daughter.”
“No, who’s Addison toyou?”
Noah looked out the window again, focused on a branch that was blowing in the wind. He didn’t even know how to answer that question. “She works at a park that my friend and I run. And I love her.”
“She’s your girlfriend?”
“She was. I told her I needed a break.”
The doctor tilted his head. “Why would you give someone up who was helping you? Shewashelping you, wasn’t she?”
“She was theonlything that helped. But it wasn’t fair to her. I’m not in control when I have flashbacks, and if I ever hurt her…” The muscles in his forearms tightened.
Dr. Burton leaned forward slightly. “Do you know what your nightmares and flashbacks are?”
“A hell I can’t escape?”
“They’re your brain trying to process an experience that you didn’t know if you’d survive. Your brain is trying to make sense of what happened to you and find safety again. But right now, you’re stuck in a loop.”
“So how do I get out of the loop? Because I’m going to be honest, I’ve been in this seat before, and it didn’t help.”
“Yes, I’m your third therapist,” the doctor said quietly. “But you’re here anyway, which means you must havesomefaith I can help you.”
Either that or he was desperate.
“I’m going to make you a promise right now, Noah. Youwillfeel safe again. The nightmares might feel real, but it’syouwho’s in control. It’s always been you.” He slid a piece of paper across the wooden coffee table between them. “In a second, I’m going to ask you to write down your last nightmare. Then read it. Then re-write it, but in a safer, more empowering way.”
“How will that help?”
“It will help teach your brain that it’s not happening anymore. You’re not in danger. You survived. It’s going to make you feel more in control and reduce the power that nightmare has over you.”
He stared at the piece of paper, white and empty. He wanted to believe it would help, but he was almost scared to believe that he could get better, in case that hope crashed and died.
“But first”—Burton sat back—“tell me more about Addison.”
His gaze shot up at the mention of her name. “I already told you, I asked for a break.”
“Did she want the break?”
“No. It hurt her.” The pain on her face flashed through his mind. Hell, it had been damn near all he could think about for the last week.
“But you did it anyway.”
“To protect her.”
“From you?”
“Yes.”Fuck yes. “From the person I become when I have no control.”
“Have you ever hurt her?”
Noah swallowed the lump in his throat. “No, but there have been a few close calls.”
The doctor nodded slowly. “Do you want to know what I think?”
“Isn’t that why I’m paying you?”
