“You won’t even pick her up,” I argue playfully, crossing my arms and causing milk to spill. Damn. That keeps happening, and I know it’s only going to get worse.
“I’ll be fine,” he assures me. “Go take a few minutes to yourself.”
Before leaving, I kiss him on the cheek and quietly thank him.
In the shower, all I can think about is him and what we’re doing.
What are we doing?
Hell if I know. I like him. And if I’m honest, I feel something for him. Not love, not yet, but definitely a connection. I feel like I’ve known him forever even though I hardly know anything about him at all. I don’t even know his last name, yet wepromised each other forever. It seems strange, too fast, but it feels right. All I know is that this is the most comfort and safety I’ve ever had in my entire life, and I don’t want any of it to change.
I take my time in the shower, trying not to rush to check on Dorothea. I trust Grizz with her, but I’d feel better if I had eyes on her myself. I’m sure this will be my life now—constantly worrying about her. I’m okay with that, though. It gives me something meaningful to do with my life—raising a child.
When I’m dried and dressed, I try not to run back into the bedroom when I hear a soft cry. I nearly trip over my own feet when I see Grizz sitting on the bed, Dorothea in his arms. He mustn’t have heard me, because he’s staring at her like she hung the moon in the sky. My heart skips a beat as I see this big grizzly of a man holding my tiny, precious daughter.
She’s lost in his arms, so tiny compared to his large size. It’s beautiful and adorable and really makes my ovaries happy.
“Is she okay?” I ask quietly, stepping into the room.
He looks over at me with a soft smile. “Just a bad dream, I think.”
Her eyes are still closed, but her face is pinched into a frown. I run my hand through Grizz’s hair, and he turns his stare on me.
“She’s amazing, you know.”
I nod. “Yeah, she is.”
“So are you.”
I smile because what he said is sweet, I’m just not sure I agree with it. I’m constantly worrying that I’m not going to be good enough. I had no mother figure, or father figure, to know where to begin on this journey. I do know what not to do, and I guess that is a starting point, but how will I know if what I’m doing is right?
We stay there for a while, just watching Dorothea sleep. We do it often. Whenever we’re together, really. We spend our timesitting together and staring at her. I can’t help it, and it seems he can’t either.
She is going to be the most protected little girl on this planet. There’s just something about him that tells me he would lay his life on the line for her, even though he has no reason to. I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know why he came into my life, but boy, am I grateful for it.
“Do you know who he was?” he asks quietly.
I wonder what goes on in his head all the time. It’s only when we’re quiet that he asks me stuff about my life, wants to know the details of the people who hurt me. He probably thinks about it all the time. And when he asks, he’s always so gentle with his words. So careful, like any mention of it could destroy me. If I haven’t broke yet, I don’t think I will.
“I heard them call him Gunner,” I admit.
Grizz tenses, and I assume that means he knows him. Or at least knows who he is.
“And the others?”
“I have no idea,” I admit. “He was the one stuck on having a child, the one who did the worst of it. The others only came after I was already pregnant, and… just a few times.”
His eyes fall closed, then he turns to look at me, opening his big brown eyes. “Do you know what they look like? Anything that could be a name?”
Thinking about it does make my stomach a little sick, and my chest gets tight, but I don’t want this to ruin my life. I have to move forward.
“I… was kept in a room. Gunner came in when he wanted. The others came during the night, when it was dark. I never left that place until the day Snapper found me.”
“Why were you there?”
“I don’t really know,” I say. “I was yanked up out of sleep right before the sun came up and was told that we were movinglocations. They threw me in the trunk of a car. I’m not sure how long we drove for, but when we got to the bar, the sun was up. They brought me into that back room, and that’s where I stayed until Snapper showed up.”
Grizz stares at the ground as he considers my words, probably trying to piece it all together.
