Still breathing. Still surviving.
I was given another chance. Not only for me but for my baby.
My sweet, sweet baby.
I run my hand over my swollen belly, unsure of when they will come into this world. Time is difficult to keep track of these days, even though I’m free now.
Though, will I everreallybe free?
I’ve been told I belong to the Iron Runners.
Hetold me those exact words every time he raped me.Hemade sure I knew who I belonged to and where my place in the world was—beneath him, naked, carrying his child.
When I first got away from them, I was angry. Sad. Hurt. Disgusted.
Now… I don’t feel much of anything. I go through the motions. I’m apathetic.
Grateful too, I suppose, to this man who saved me.
Kolton is his name, but I won’t call him that outside of my head. His club name is Snapper, and though he’s part of a club, just likehewas, Snapper is a very different sort of man.
A man who has zero interest in me. Which begs the question: why did he save me at all?
The way he looks at me tells me he wants nothing to do with me. The disgust on his face when I walk down the hallway tells me he hates that I’m in his house, even though he’s verbally told me I can do as I please.
Yet, Iamin his house, andheis the one who brought me here. He gave me a room to myself and allowed me access to everything. On my first night, he let me wear his clothes and use his shampoo.
It’s hard to understand, but I stopped trying to understand people a long time ago. Best to just go with it.
Ever since I was a little girl, and I was wronged by the one person who should have kept me safe—my mother—something in me changed. Something broke. Something important that is supposed to grow and be nurtured was completely destroyed.
Like I said… you never know how you’ll react in an awful situation. Some people let it define them, some let it ruin them, and some overcome it completely.
Me? I’m just living with it. I’m going through the motions because I have accepted this is the part I play in this world. Some people get to be the princes and the princesses. Some get to be the kings and queens. Some get to be the brave knights, while others get to be the ferocious dragons. But you can’t forget about the servants. The fools. The poor people begging for change—the ones who don’t matter. The filler characters. The people who are there to give the others their status and shine. Because what would a king be without someone to rule over? What’s a hero without someone to save? Or worse… to conquer?
Only, it isn’t just about me anymore. It’s about my baby.
The baby that belongs to the Iron Runners.
My child is in danger, and if there’s anything in this world that can pull me from this numbness, it’s being a mother. It’s protecting my baby.
But… just one more day.
One more day of feeling nothing, because once I push forward, once I let my walls down, it’s going to hurt.
And I’m not quite sure I’m ready for that. Not today. Not now.
But whether I’m ready or not, tomorrow will come. And tomorrow is another day closer to giving life to something I have to protect with every fiber of my being. Tomorrow will not wait for me to be ready, so I just have to be.
I close my eyes, tell myself everything will be okay in the morning, and let sleep take me.
I hardly see the morning sun anymore. A mix of being bone-deep tired and depression, likely. Or maybe it’s just the pregnancy. No matter how much I sleep, it never feels like enough. I guess I should take it while I can get it because soon enough, I won’t be getting much sleep at all.
The clock on the bedside table says it’s almost three in the afternoon. I’m starving, so I should go downstairs and get something to eat. Kolton told me I can help myself to anything here, but it feels weird because none of it is mine, and I can’t remember a time when I had the freedom to take what I want.
I put on a smile and my brightest personality when he’s around, though. I don’t want him to think I’m ungrateful and throw me out on the street.
Being here isn’t ideal, but it’s better than being with them. Kolton gives me a layer of protection I wouldn’t otherwise have. Of course, there is a lingering fear that they’ll find me here regardless, but Kolton assures me they won’t. I’m not sure I believe him, but I do know I don’t stay awake at night worried they’ll bust the door in. That’s a small blip on the scale of things I’ve already been through.
