“Hey,” Kels says quietly.
“Hi,” I answer, my voice raspy.
“We’re heading up to bed,” Tommy explains.
“See you in the morning?” Kelsey adds.
“Good night.”
Anastacia sighs in her sleep, nuzzling against me. I hold her tighter, never wanting to let her go.
The show has long been paused from no activity, but I can’t find it in me to move.
I told her that I gave her my room because it was more comfortable, yet here we are, sleeping on the couch.
It wasn’t a complete lie. My bedismore comfortable, and that’s what I want for her. But it’s also safer for her to be in that room. It’s the last down the hallway, so if anyone walks by, I’ll be alerted first. And the house was built on uneven land, into ahill, so that side of the house doesn’t have windows lower to the ground, where the guest side does. Everything about it is safer, but of course I didn’t tell her that. I don’t want her worrying. I don’t want to put thoughts in her head that someone could break in and try to take her and her baby, even if she does know it’s a possibility.
I’ve been trying to get Tommy to join the MC since he moved here, but taking in Anastacia may mean getting kicked out for me. Prez didn’t want anything to do with Anastacia. And I’m not sure how much he paid attention that day. Will she never be able to come around the club with me? Will he know who she is? Or is this a secret we can keep from him?
It’s fucked, I know. I shouldn’t keep secrets from my brothers, the club, and especially my Prez but… I’m making an exception because it’s her. I’ll give it all up for her.
If leaving the MC means she’s protected, that’s fine with me.
It’s a shit show lately anyway, and maybe getting my brother to join isn’t the smartest thing right now. Sometimes I think the club is going to fall apart.
Coyote, our Prez, is a fucking mess. Plenty of us can’t stand the asshole—don’t think he’s qualified. But his pops died, and so he became Prez, even though he wasn’t officially in the club at the time. He was more like a glorified prospect who showed up whenever he felt like it and got away with it because of who his dad was. We all thought he’d never show when his father died, but boy, were we wrong. We agreed to him taking over because it’s what our fathers would have done. It’s how it worked in the past. Positions get passed down through family. It’s not a rule or anything. It’s just tradition. But with all the shit Prez is causing, I’m thinking the tradition needs to be changed.
I’m not the only one who thinks it. Problem is, not many of us are talking about it with each other. No one wants to be the one to start an uproar. Things are rocky, and going against Prez willonly make that worse. We’re holding this club together with glue and popsicle sticks, praying for the best outcome. Don’t know what’ll happen, and at this point, I don’t fucking care. That club is the least of my concerns, and I mean that with no disrespect. But I have a pregnant woman to take care of now. That’s what matters. The fact that Prez says it doesn’t, ain’t right. That’s not what we’re about.
So, I guess I’ll make my own rules for now and see how long I can get away with it.
At least I know Snapper and Shark will be on my side when it comes to this. Rhino too, if only because he hates Coyote and doesn’t keep quiet about it.
It’s late into the night when I finally get up from the couch, carefully picking up Anastacia. This has become my favorite part of the day. Holding her in my arms, listening to her sleep peacefully, feeling the way she holds onto me a little tighter like she doesn’t want me to let her go.
I carry her to my room, lay her in my bed and cover her with the blankets. I lean down to kiss her head, and then I force myself out the door. But I can’t keep going. My feet root to the floor, and I look at her over my shoulder.
It’s not right to watch her sleep when she has no idea, and I wonder what she would think of it if she knew. Would she think it was cute because I was protecting her? Or would she find it creepy, like all the other things men have done to her?
It feels weird, and so I force myself to my room and tell myself she’ll be fine the short distance away from me.
She said she wants me to treat her normally, and that she doesn’t want the way I think of her to be tainted. It is difficult not to feel bad for her, so I understand why she’s hesitant about telling me some things. I already want to treat her like a fragile doll, and I know that’s not fair. I just want to protect her and keep her safe and stop anyone from ever hurting her again. Iwant to show her that there is good in the world, and that people can be kind.
I have no idea why I feel this way. I hardly know her. It’s only been a few weeks since we met, but that very first moment I saw her walk down those stairs, I just knew. I knew she was the girl for me. I knew she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I knew she was a piece of me that I had been missing. Crazy, I get it. But that’s the damn truth.
I have no idea if she feels the same, and it’s not something I can bring up—at least not now, not so easily. She’s dealing with trauma and a new baby coming. My feelings need to go to the back burner. It’s not important. What’s important is her and the baby.
All I can do is be here for her, however she needs me, no matter what that means. I don’t care what it is. If she needs it, I’ll do it. Whoever she needs me to be, I’ll be that man. I will stay up all night and sit in her doorway to make sure no one gets in if it comes to that.
With my chest heavy, I force my feet to move. As much as I would love to lie in bed with her and hold her all night, I can’t. Not unless she tells me to. And I don’t want her to think I’m trying to take advantage of her, so I won’t bring it up. I won’t do anything that could make her uncomfortable. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did that. She truly is an angel, and she deserves the best of everything. And I plan to give it to her, as long as she’ll let me.
Chapter Twelve
Anastacia
The room is dark when I wake. I have no idea what time it is because there is no clock in here. The door is ajar, just a sliver of light peeking through the crack. The house is silent, but I’m certain Grizz wouldn’t have left me alone. He was adamant about someone being with me at all times.
I’m not sure if I feel better being here because I’m with him, or because I’m in a different place—a place the Iron Runners may not look. Many times I’d thought of how they could track Kolton down to get me. They have cameras everywhere, and I’m sure they saw him take me out of that bar. He’d be the one they’d go after first, if their priority was me—which I think it may be.
