“I get the expression. I won’t take it literally. Don’t walk around on eggshells with me.” I put my hand on his thigh. “I promise, I’m okay. And if you say something that bothers me, I’ll tell you. So just assume everything is good, unless I say otherwise, okay?”
His hand comes on top of mine. “Okay.”
I leave the program to look for something else.
“Why aren’t you putting it on?” he asks.
“You said you’ve seen it.”
“Well, I have but I don’t really remember it. It’s a show from the 90’s. And I think you’ll like it.”
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says, lifting my hand to kiss the back of it. “Now share this soft blanket with me.”
I giggle as he tugs on it playfully. I shift to allow him some of it, and thankfully it’s big enough to share. Though, maybe if it were a little smaller he’d have to move closer…
Not that he needs an excuse. Neither do I. We both gravitate towards the other with no reason, and the other doesn’t seem to mind.
Maybe we should talk about this, but it doesn’t seem like we need to explain ourselves either. This is all just happening, and we’re both on board, not ready to slow it down.
When the pizza arrives, Grizz gets up to get it, leaving it on the coffee table while he goes to the kitchen to get plates, napkins, and drinks.
He comes back with two cans of ginger-ale and everything else we need.
“You’ll have to tell me what kind of stuff you like. Kelsey does the grocery shopping, and I think she’s going tomorrow or the day after.”
Grizz sits beside me, putting down the plates and sodas. He gives me a slice and takes three for himself. He’ll be finished eating them by the time I’m done with my one. Then I’ll eat a second. He’ll eat two more, this way I can have the last one.
I never do. And after I convince him of it, he’ll finally eat it.
My eyes are much bigger than my stomach lately. Okay, maybe not quite because my belly is pretty big. I think there’s not enough room in my stomach for all the food I want to eat. This baby is big and has only been getting bigger since I’ve been with the HMMC, safe and eating the way I should.
Not that I’m giving the Iron Runners any credit, but once they found out I was pregnant, they fed me better, also. Of course, that didn’t stop them from raping me. More joined inat that point, happy I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again. Apparently, not all of them want a child to deal with. I so stupidly thought once I was pregnant, it would stop… but it only got worse.
When I think of everything they did to me, it’s like a horrible book I read. It doesn’t feel real. I’ve distanced myself from it so far that I feel nothing. I’m not sure if that will come back to bite me in the ass or if it will forever protect me from those horrors.
Either way, I know my battle with them isn’t done. They want this baby, and I know without a doubt, they will be back to take it.
Only… they don’t know who they’re messing with.
Chapter Eleven
Grizz
It’s late when Tommy and Kels get home. Anastacia and I are cuddling on the couch, wrapped in the soft blanket I’ve had since I was a kid. I got it one year for Christmas from my grandmother on my father’s side. She didn’t live here, but she always sent gifts for Christmas. As a kid, it was never stuff I liked. Blankets. Jackets. Slippers. One year I even expected to get a giant pink bunny suit, but that never happened—thankfully. I sure would laugh about it now if I had, though.
The gifts she sent then are stuff I appreciate now, as an adult, and maybe that’s why she did it. As a reminder of her.
Who knew this blanket would come to mean so much to me? I know it’s silly. It’s just a blanket. But the look on Anastacia’s face when she felt it… that is something I’ll never forget.
For her, I’m sure it’s the small things that mean the most. The little things she’s missed out on and didn’t get to experience.
I have no idea how long the Iron Runners had her, but I can guess it was a long time. From the things she’s told me, I’ve pieced together a loose time line. I wonder if she even knows how long it was. She’s nearly nine months pregnant, meaning the bare minimum they had her was about ten months. But she’s made comments about being there for a while before that happened.
We don’t talk about it much, and we don’t talk about it for long, but I get little snippets throughout the day, when she’s okay to share. I soak it all up, wanting to learn everything about her, even if it’s all the bad shit I don’t want to hear. Knowing will help me support her, but I can imagine it’s difficult to talk about. What I notice most is that she hardly has good memories to share, even from before the IR took her.
Anastacia didn’t have a good life, but that changed the moment she walked into mine.
