Though, that isn’t lacking either.
His name is fitting, because he is as big as a grizzly, and looks like one too. His hair is a deep brown, messy and wavy, with a thick beard to match. And he’s huge. Easily the biggest man I’ve ever seen, yet he feels like a gentle giant. But that’s impossible because he’s in a motorcycle club, and these guys are ruthless. Something that should scare me, but right now, lying in his arms, I have never felt so safe in all my life.
He sleeps peacefully, lips slightly parted, chest rising rhythmically.
I’ve known this man less than a day—less than half a day, and yet I feel like I’ve known him all my life. Maybe this is where I am supposed to be.
I rest my head back down on his chest, listening to his strong, steady heartbeat.
With all I’ve been through, you’d think trusting people would be difficult.
I don’t know what it is, and sometimes I think I’m broken because I’m not constantly in fear. Most of the time, I’m just here, existing, going with the flow. It doesn’t feel right, but I don’t know how to be any other way.
Maybe it was my mother who messed me up.
Maybe it was the man she sold me to for drugs.
Or maybe it was the man who promised me the world, only to break my bones and destroy what little confidence I had left.
Or maybe it was the Iron Runner who raped me hundreds of times, hoping for a baby that he eventually put in my belly.
Or maybe it is because of my baby… maybe this is some primal thing inside me, helping me survive and stay sharp, to know what’s right and what’s wrong.
Everything about Grizz feels right.
But I’ve been wrong before, so how can I be sure?
Questioning myself isn’t something I do. It’s useless. Going back and forth only causes stress. You’re either right or wrong, so you may as well choose and own your choice. If you’re wrong, you figure it out and move on. If you’re lucky, then you pray like hell that the luck holds out.
I close my eyes, letting Grizz’s spicy scent lull me back into sleep.
When I wake again, I’m being held like a teddy bear.
I’m more on top of Grizz than I was when I woke up last, slightly on my side, with my leg pulled up and resting over his waist. Both his arms are around me, his cheek resting on the top of my head. The blanket is long gone, pooled on the floor by the couch, but I’m warm enough with just him holding me.
Everything is perfect right now, in this moment. It’s easy to pretend it is, anyway. The house is silent. I’m safe. I’m warm. I’m with a man who would give his life to protect me.
That last part isn’t true. This man hardly knows me, but it’s a nice thought to have.
Imagine what it would be like to have a man willing to protect you with his life rather than threatening yours? If I had a wish, that’s what it would be.
Right after wishing that my child is safe.
But I suppose, if I had a man like that to begin with, my child would be safe…
Grizz sucks in a sharp breath, his body tensing as he stretches.
That’s when I feel it.
Something very hard and thick beneath my thigh. I try not to move, but when he stretches more, it brushes against my leg, and then he freezes.
I’m not sure he knows I’m awake. So if I just stay still, we can ignore this. It won’t have to be mentioned at all.
He groans, hissing, “Fuck.”
I lift my head, worried something is wrong. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry,” he says, his cheeks red. “That’s not okay.” He shakes his head, shifting to get out from under me.
