“It’s okay, I know it’s just a natural thing.”
He’s still shaking his head as he stands, giving me his back.
“No, it’s really not.”
He disappears into the bathroom, and I lie on the couch, looking up at the ceiling.
What would it be like to have sex with a man willingly?
I’ve wondered so many times if I’m capable of enjoying sex, or if there have been too many bad memories that come with it and because of that, I’ll never be able to enjoy it.
I want to enjoy it. I don’t want it to be a weapon or a trigger.
And not that I want to do it with him,now, but… one day I want to do it with someone. So many aspects of my life I’ve been able to make normal since Kolton has saved me, and I’ve gone through all the options I have for the future.
But is sex one of those? Can I take back full control of my life?
The bathroom door opens, and Grizz steps out. I try so hard not to lookthere, but my eyes have a mind of their own. And though I see something, I’m certain it’s not in the same state it was moments ago. Because that wasmuchbigger.
“I’m sorry,” he says again when he reaches the couch. I look up at him, and he seems ten feet tall.
“It’s okay,” I assure him.
“With what you’ve been through, no. It’s not.”
I push myself to sit, and when he notices me trying to get to my feet, he offers his hand and helps me up.
“I appreciate you being so sensitive about it,” I say.
“Are you being sarcastic?” he asks, narrowing his eyes.
“Not at all,” I say. “You’re—”
I was going to say that he’s the first guy who’s ever given me consent when it comes to that, but I don’t need him looking more guilty than he already does.
“You’re very sweet, Grizz. If I could reach your cheek, I’d kiss it.”
He chuckles. “I could kneel down for you.”
“That would be nice.”
He does not hesitate to get to his knees, and like this, he’s only a few inches shorter than me. I lean down to kiss his cheek, letting my hand linger on his shoulder.
“Thank you,” I say. “Now let me go wash up quickly and I’ll make you breakfast.”
“Oh, you don’t have to do that.” He gets to his feet.
“I know,” I say over my shoulder. “And that’s exactly why I want to.”
Chapter Five
Grizz
The house is quiet when I get home, so I head down the hall to my bedroom and gather clothes for a shower.
Before my brother and his wife moved in, the upstairs was hardly used. My bedroom is in the back of the house on the first floor at the end of the hall. The kitchen and living room are down here, too. Not that I use either of them often, but they see more of me than the upstairs ever has.
We have six bedrooms in this house, and up until recently, I’ve been living here all on my own. I like that the house is getting more use now that they’re here. I even find myself home, more now too. Coming home when people are here is much easier.
