“I met your families today, and they miss you so much. Just like I do.” My voice hitched. “They said they don’t blame me for anything, but how could they not? I’m here and both of you are gone.”
Tears burned a trail down my throat, and I swallowed.
“Why am I alive?”
I was unable to stop the flow of thoughts and things that came out of my mouth. I was hurting, not really thinking straight. Something splattered on my face from above me and I heard a sob rip free from my wife’s lungs—grabbing my attention.
Reaching up, I grasped one of her hands and pulled her in front of me. Moving to sit on my ass, I brought her down into my lap sideways and wrapped her in my arms.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I told her softly. “I didn’t mean to make you sad. I just want them here too.”
Looking into her eyes, I knew why I was alive.
“I-I k-know,” she said, trembling in my arms. “I j-just can’t l-lose you.”
Hugging her against my chest like I had earlier that morning, I whispered softly to her. “You won’t. I’m right here, and I love you so much.”
I’d never told Patience she was the reason I was alive. This trip was so hard that I forgot some of that as I stood bearing my soul to the men I’d lost.
“Roo, you’re the reason I am here. You are why I survived.”
She gasped, pulling out of my embrace a bit to look at me again.
“When I couldn’t handle hearing my friends' pain or the beatings I received, I thought of you. You and Griffin. You both got me through.”
Looking at me with big eyes, she asked, “Really?”
Grabbing one of her hands in mine, I placed our palms over my heart. “I don’t know if I could have gone on if I hadn’t been able to just close my eyes and think of you. Everything about you was bright and good, while I was living in hell.”
Her nails curled into my chest at the intensity of my words, her gaze never leaving mine for a second. We stared at each other for a beat, my heart pounding under her touch.
“Sweetheart, you were my lifeline.”
As tears trickled down both our cheeks, I leaned in and kissed her softly on the lips, our salty emotions combining on our tongues.
Turning back to the headstones, I began talking to my buddies once again, with my wife nestled next to me.
“God, you guys were fucking amazing friends. And that’s saying something, considering I have some phenomenal men back home surrounding me daily.” My chest pinched under Patience’s hand. “I wish you could meet them. They would have liked you both. The ladies too. Although they’re all taken.”
That thought pulled a smile from me.
Everything I’d said was true. Since coming home, I’d been closed off, but maybe it was time to share the good memories of what I lost with my family back home.
“I do want you to meet one person though. This is my wife, Patience.”
She stiffened for a second. as if not knowing what to do, but she didn’t have to do anything; I kept talking.
And it actually felt good.
“Yeah, the woman I talked about for years is my wife now. Can you believe she actually married me? And we have a son, Griffin. You know, Champ, I chatted about both of them endlessly.”
I found myself wanting to question the beauty beside me about my suspicions regarding why she was sick that morning so I could share it with my friends, but it wasn’t the right time. Maybe one day we would all come back.
The thought of sharing my whole family with my buddies made my heart ache, knowing that they’d never be physically around to meet them. Yet, I also felt a bit lighter just talking to them and sharing at all.
But the guys would be teasing me right now if they were with me. I could practically hear them in my head, giving me shit. Maybe saying silly things to her like if she got tired of me, they were available, or what was the poor girl thinking. Again, it felt so much like our group back home.
I’d been lucky to have these guys in my life, just as I was lucky for the people I still had.
