Chapter Thirty-Nine
PATIENCE
What was that look in his eyes?
My husband turned me around so we could rinse my hair out. He was studying me, and I felt the urge to squirm under his gaze.
Jett was intuitive even on the worst of days. He also knew me better than anyone and probably suspected I was hiding something. But I was afraid of how he would react.
I also hadn’t confirmed my suspicions yet, so why put more pressure on him?
He stared at me as the water cascaded over both of us and his lips tipped up on the corners, but there was something behind his smile.
Why did I have a feeling that the cat was out of the bag?
Chapter Forty
JETT
It all came rushing back to me.
Sitting with Connic’s and Watson’s families was difficult, but it still didn’t compare to the onslaught of pain and sorrow I felt when I finally stood over their resting places.
I’d heard their cries of pain and pleas for mercy time and time again in my nightmares. Those had been torture, just like the days we spent in captivity. But as I looked down at their names and the dates they died engraved on their headstones—side by side—the reality that crashed into me was almost more than I could bear.
“They’re gone.”
My knees hit the ground as the vivid details of our last few days together flashed through my mind. How many times would I have to relive those moments that took three of my friends’ lives and tried to steal mine, along with Dusty’s?
“When will the suffering go away?”
I glanced up at Patience, who stood to my side as tears streamed down my cheeks, hoping she’d have the answer. She knelt beside me, circling her arms around me, and began a soothing rocking motion.
“I don’t know the answer to that, but I would take it all away for you if I could.”
She stopped her movements. One hand came to my face and softly brushed the tears away. “I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. Talk to them. You came for a reason, honey.”
Looking at my wife, I knew she was right. I needed this—to move forward. So I could have the life with her and Griffin that I had always wanted. But how was that fair when my friends would never have that? That was the part I couldn’t get past.
“To say goodbye,” I whispered, finally admitting out loud that it was time.
Patience shook her head. “Not goodbye. Just until you see them again.”
When she released me and started to stand, I panicked. Grasping her hand, I pleaded, “Please don’t go.”
“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
Believing her, I released her, and she moved behind me, resting both hands on my shoulders. She’d told me earlier I wouldn't have to do this without her, and my wife meant every word. Patience had stood by my side all day long.
With her warmth, compassion, love, and support at my back, I broke.
“I’m so fucking sorry that I couldn’t save you guys.” Agony sliced through my heart like a knife. “I tried; I promise I did. I tried to get them to stop. If only my actions to get them to concentrate on me worked, maybe you both could have hung on.”
I faintly felt Patience's hands tighten on my shoulders, but I was so caught up in the moment—the remorse and memories—that I wasn’t able to shield her from what was pouring out of me. Trying to swallow the lump of emotion in my throat hadn’t been easy. But nothing about the day was.
“You guys didn’t deserve what happened to you. Your time on this earth was way too short, and I can’t help but wonder what I could have done differently so you could be here with me now.”
My body shook as tears continued to stream down my face. I wasn’t embarrassed by them, but I did wonder for a second if they would ever stop.
