Nope.
It was the conversation Huntley and I had as I lay in his arms later that evening.
The‘baby talk’.
Don’t get me wrong, I was still jumpy and worried about who had a vendetta against me. It had been clear by the few words he said about minding my own business and not getting into people's heads that he’d targeted me for a reason.
And it was concerning that nobody knew who he was yet. But it was still the other subject that was weighing heavily on my mind.
I’d never even pondered having a baby, knowing I would never let a man touch me for the rest of my life, which is exactly what I had told Huntley. But I’d also told him things had changed.
For two weeks after holding baby Lola, I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to have a baby. Lennon and Bre were my children, and I loved them as if they hadbeen with me all their lives, not just the last few years as teens.
But…
Experiencing the whole process with Huntley, well that was again something that had been impossible to picture because I’d never met or dreamed of meeting a man like him. One who twisted me up inside, gave me butterflies, and made me feel safe. A man who showed love to not only me but to my kids.
Someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Something shifted inside me that night we had the ‘baby talk’, and now the idea of never getting to make love to the man who was my savior and meant the world to me, seemed out of the question. There’d been a few steamy make-out sessions that had me almost begging for more, but it hadn’t happened yet.
There were still three problems even if a big part of me was saying that it was time. First, I was still scared—that was something that wasn't going to just magically go away. Second, I was worried about what he would think when he saw me naked. And third, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
Those three hang ups were denying both Huntley and me something big.
“Earth to River,” Lake called out from the front seat of Bronson’s massively large vehicle. “Are you coming or gonna hang out here with Bronson and Lyric?”
I shook my head attempting to clear it and realized we were sitting out front of Alley’s house. Huntley had finally gone back to work and was on a twenty-four-hour shift. He wasn’t thrilled—that was putting it lightly—about leaving me alone at night. Especially after what had happened recently.
However, his first night back, I was covered because Alley had planned one of her big sleepovers for the evening.
“Girl, what is wrong with you? Let's get a move on.” My sister laughed. “What is going on in your head right now?”
All twisted up in my thoughts, I forgot my brother-in-law was in the car dropping us off for a second and opened my dang mouth, answering Lake’s question.
“I told Huntley we couldn’t set a date and get married until we had sex.” I huffed out a frustrated breath. “But how can we do that if I am scared and don’t know what the hell I’m doing?”
A throat cleared, catching my attention. That at least put an end to the word vomit that might have occurred, but not in time to stop the flush of heat that I was sure had my face beet red.
“I’m out of here.” I threw open the back door. “Forget I said that!” I called out as I scurried out of the car, only to find Lyric waiting next to it with Ruby by his side.
I groaned.So much for getting away.
“Hey, you ready to party?” Ruby asked as Bronson rounded the car to help Lake out.
I nodded as Ruby studied me. “Do you feel okay? Your face is all red.”
Lake was beside me, looping her arm through mine before butting in. “She’s fine, just a little something our group can help her with later.”
Now Bronson was coughing like he was about to hack up a damn furball. I noticed Lyric raise his brows and I turned to scowl at both my sister and her husband.
You have got to be shitting me. She wants me to tell all the ladies?
“Perfect, let's get in there then,” the redheaded beauty said.
When I turned around Lyric was still eyeing Bronson as if waiting for him to fill him in on what was going on. Lake started walking and I followed as Bronson said, “Don’t ask me, I didn’t hear a thing.”
Lake giggled next to me and I rolled my eyes.
