‘OK, last thing, Anika. To sum this all up, is there one sentence you’d give us to say why you want this role?’ Ashley Worth, the unassumingly cool SpinRadio station head smiles at her encouragingly.
Anika thinks for a moment. ‘Ever since my father gifted me my first record, I’ve wanted to make other people as happy as I have been made by music. And I can’t imagine any job that would give me a better platform to do that than this one.’ She pauses, then laughs a bit. ‘Sorry, that was two sentences.’
Ashley joins in her laughter, waving a hand dismissively. ‘No, that was brilliant. To be honest, since earlier in the week I’ve been convinced you’re the perfect person for this. I’mreallyexcited to offer you this role.’
‘Seriously? Just like that?’
‘I don’t see any point in waiting. There’s nothing better than excavating talent from within the walls of our own business. Here you were under our noses the whole time, eh?’
Anika stands up from her chair and reaches out to grip her soon-to-be boss’s hand, grinning with relief. Despite ‘success’ having been the focus of almost every word she wrote in her diary, she can’t help feeling surprised atjusthow well things have gone. It never even occurred to her to suggest she’d be offered the job on the spot. ‘Thank yousomuch,’ she says.
‘I’ll let the team know straight away and I’ll get Raj to start arranging the transition and the paperwork. I can’t wait for you to join us up here on the fourteenth floor,’ Ashley says loudly asshe opens the meeting room door to see Anika out, making some of Anika’s soon-to-be colleagues look up with interest.
She’s still grinning to herself as she heads down the stairs and back to her desk, the emails on her screen dancing with meaningless words.This is actually fucking happening.She tries not to cackle hysterically.I’m headed to where I’ve always dreamed of being.
Noticing a message icon on her phone screen, Anika dials into her voicemail and her good mood sinks momentarily. The hospital has been calling, trying to arrange an appointment. ‘It’s important we follow up—’ She shuts off the message and deletes it when the robotic voice invites her to. She’s not looking to bring down her mood with medical admin right now. Instead, she quickly replies to the back-and-forth that she and Wendy have been having over meeting for lunch ‘sometime soon’, and then the rest of the afternoon moves in a blur.
As Anika makes her way towards the building’s exit a couple of hours later, the hot smack of the outside air is unanticipated after the cool air-conditioning of the office. Still, as she pulls up SoundCloud on her phone, cues up another of her DJ mixes and settles her earbuds in, she’s thrilled that she has some genuinely good news to share with her mother when they meet up. Philip has bought him and his wife eye-wateringly expensive tickets to see some jukebox musical and her mum suggested they meet beforehand. Feeling the imminent cash injection of a pay rise, Anika decides to treat herself to the indulgence of a passing black cab.
Settling into the back of the taxi, Soul II Soul’s ‘Keep On Movin’’ begins to play in her ears and Anika is catapulted back to her childhood. She totally forgot she even included the song in this mix, and it takes everything she has not to start harmonising badly to Caron Wheeler’s iconic vocal in the back of the cab, picturing her mother doing just that in their tiny kitchen backin Streatham. It was one of Nella’s favourites. Emotion begins to warm her chest. So much has happened since it was just the two of them dancing in that kitchen. Indulgences like cabs or theatre trips wouldn’t have even crossed their mind back then, not even when Nella moved them down to Sussex after marrying Clive.
Now she’s with Philip, Anika senses a level of comfort and security coming off her mum in expensive waves of Chanel perfume every time she sees her.Finally found the right white man, Anika thinks – and then immediately feels terrible. It pains her to admit it, but her mother is probably in love, which is more than Anika can say. Her mind darts to an image of Cam and she flushes with embarrassment. Of all the things that Anika has been focused on in her diary, a relationship hasn’t been one of them. She’s been an epic romantic ever since she was teenager, but, given how indefinable their talk in the canteen was, she hasn’t found the right words to write about him in the last few days …
Anika doesn’t like to examine her mother’s romantic relationships too deeply – or her father’s, for that matter. Is it strange that both of her parents chose white partners ultimately? Anika isn’t sure. Maybe deep down she does feel a pinch of resentment about it, wondering if their choices disrupted her impression of her own desirability as a young Black woman. But if this whole crazy ride since the hospital has taught her anything, it’s her own worth. Anikadoesfeel beautiful now – sexy, desirable – but the romantic examples laid out for her were skewed at best. Perhaps the fact that her parents’ relationship was an affair made it harder for Anika to believe in the idea of love enduring. As a kid, her father showed her that love was sporadic, too. He was in and out. Being alone so much in her childhood meant Anika had to rely on herself for love so much of the time.
Just then, a sensual SZA song slides into the mix, the lowbaseline accentuated by fingersnaps and the singer’s lazily sensual vocals. Speaking of self-love … The song raises a smirk on Anika’s lips as she thinks about how muchself-lovingshe’s been up to since the one-time hook-up with Mo unlocked that side of things for her. She thinks about who she’s been picturing as she does, and her expression sobers again at how ambiguously things were left with Cam …
Anyway, perhaps now is the time she’s meant to start sending some love outwards. Not necessarily romantically, even; her brother has been on her mind a lot lately. She fucked up worse than she’s ever cared to admit all those years ago. Kwesi was only a kid then, after all. Anika wonders again if she should try to get in touch with him, but she’d need to carefully navigate what she writes in the diary for the day she plans to do that.Ifshe plans to do that …
The driver calls back to her. ‘Here you are, love.’
They pull up and she pays gratefully before stepping out and heading towards the bar, glad that at least today’s events have been pre-written.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Preoccupied as she walks into the bar, Anika only realises she’s early when she doesn’t spot the regal figure of her mother accompanied by the contrastingly workaday presence of Philip. The place is quiet and in the absence of anyone at the front desk, Anika heads over to the gold-and-glass bar and perches on one of the stools.
‘What can I get for you, miss?’ the tall, black-aproned barman asks. Just as Anika is ordering a large glass of the house white, she hears a surprised voice call her name.
‘Anika? Anika Lapo?’
Peering in between the bottles stacked in front of the mirrored wall behind the bar, Anika sees the reflection of the person who was speaking. She squints, her recollection faltering a moment before she realises …
‘Hattie?’ Anika spins around on her stool, smiling. Hattie Mukherjee was elegant back at university, especially for a student, but now even more so – the bohemian qualities have ironed out into sleek, beautiful maturity. Hattie started out as a rival during their critique sessions in North American literature classes, but they became semi-flirtatious friends over their final year. The fluidity of Hattie’s sexuality was a source of envy for Anika, her friend’s candid confessions of hook-ups never salacious, always matter-of-fact. It sparked a curiosity in Anika that she’s never acted upon, but showed what might be possible if she could ever move outside of her self-imposed restrictions and expectations. From the way Hattie is already eyeing her,there are some mutual memories stirring.
‘Oh my God, I thought that was you. It’s been years. What brings you to Stone’s?’
‘I’m meeting my mother,’ Anika replies, before slipping off the stool to stand in front of her old friend. ‘Shit, how mad is this? Are you—?’
Hattie smooths the sleeveless teal dress that is hugging every curve of her hips and bust, the wattage of her smile flaring and then settling into a subtle curve of her burgundy-painted lips. ‘I’m the manager here. For now, anyway. I just moved over from the Mayfair branch to oversee the opening.’
‘Yeah, my mum said this place was new. I’ve not been here yet. Obviously.’
Didn’t she write something in the diary about being smooth and confident today? ‘You look fantastic.’ It slips out before Anika can play it cool. But it’s true – Hattie’s long, straight dark hair is tinged with slight hints of auburn that almost match the bronzed hue of her skin. She was the only half-Bengali, half-Ivorian person that Anika knew. Hattie outstretches her arms and Anika steps into them, drawing in the scent of jasmine that was always her friend’s signature scent, but was now mingled with something smokier, more sensual.Jesus.The rapid uptick in desire takes Anika by surprise. Maybe it’s the thoughts she’s been having about Cam being displaced here, but the delicate kisses Hattie places on each of her cheeks feel deliberately slow.
‘It’s great to see you,’ Hattie says, still close. ‘What are you up to? I remember you’d just left the record shop and got a job at a radio station last time I saw you?’
Gratitude surges in Anika’s chest at having tangible progression to report. ‘Funny you should say – I just got a new jobtoday. Playlist and Curation Specialist at SpinRadio.’
